Polycurious_Adam
Active member
Last night was a shit show. I got home from work, groceries in tow, ready to make dinner for the family so that Ms Fisher could focus on her work. She had to take a week off because we had to get the house ready for an appraisal, and it had been stressing her out. I brought home steaks, red potatoes, and fresh green beans. She was asleep when I got home, which is nothing unusual, and I got a text from Buttercup - she was having a rough time and wanted some emotional support. I was happy to give it! Then Ms Fisher woke up. Now, she tends to be a little grumpy when she wakes up, and I've gotten used to that, but this time she woke up and realized her work phone was not where she left it. She lost her shit. Now, I understand why she was freaked out. She was having an anxiety attack! I dropped what I was doing to help her search for it. Meanwhile, Ms Fisher is shouting at everyone, and trying to throw blame around for her missing phone, that SHE left sitting out. After about 10 minutes, she decided she needed to walk away for a minute. I kept looking, and left Buttercup waiting. Then Kevin sent me a text, asking if I wanted to hang out with him and his brother on Saturday. Well, that's a work night for Ms Fisher, so I was going to ask her about it before I replied. But not yet. Her phone was still missing. It took another 15 minutes of searching, but I found her phone. Great! Now our day can get back on track, right? I gave her a few minutes of getting ready for her to calm down, then I asked about Saturday. She was on the phone with Pete at this point, which is normal when she's getting ready. I told her I would see if it could be early on Saturday, so I could still be home for support. That would be fine, she said. So I finally texted Kevin back, and it turns out that his brother won't be off work until later in the day, so early was off the table. So I went back to Ms Fisher and asked if we could work out an alternate plan for her night. I suggested inviting my friends over, and she seemed insulted I would even ask about that. It's fine when her friends come over, because she knows them and wouldnt be stressed out by it. She actually said that! Fine. Well, what if your daughter stays an extra day to help out? That would be better, she says, but now she's scowling at me like I'm being an asshole. When I asked if she was mad at me about something else, she informed me that she was mad because I didn't ask my friends to reschedule their plans before I tried to find a way to meet them. Apparently, that makes me inconsiderate. I lost my temper. I pointed out that she had been shouting at everyone since she woke up. Loudly. "You're the one who's shouting", she says. At the moment, she was right. I was starting to shake, and I wanted to shout some more! Instead, I walked away. I told her that she was right, I was shouting, and I'm having an emotional reaction that's making me behave irrationally. I need to cool down. I told her I didn't understand why she was upset with me, and she said it was because I was being inconsiderate. I told her I'd think about that, and walked outside. I worked through my reaction, and decided that I had in fact been quite considerate all day, and she had just assumed that I didn't care about her needs. When I went in, she wanted to talk some more. She was determined to convince me that I wasn't thinking about her needs when I asked about Saturday. I explained my thought process several times, and when she couldn't break my logic, she took the argument to the past 11 years, during which I was not as supportive as I thought I was. She accused me of being terrible at communication, even though I think it's my forte. I just don't communicate well with her, apparently. She ranted about how inconsiderate I was for an hour and a half, while I'm just waiting to be able to send Kevin a second text to see if he can reschedule. And cooking dinner. And waiting to get back to Buttercup. And trying not to loose the equanimity that I had mustered. As it happens, she was also upset that I interrupted her call with Pete. Apparently, he had a limited amount of time to talk, and I wasn't psychic enough to pick up on that fact. Now I find out that any time I call her, or try to ask her something, Pete thinks I'm intentionally trying to interrupt their conversation. Ms Fisher says she tries to defend me, but I don't see how she could effectively do so if she still believes that I'm the inconsiderate asshole! I feel like they are feeding each other a fucked up view of my motivations, and I'm just tired of it. I think it's very accommodating for me to give her space when she's on the phone with Pete. Wouldn't most people prefer that phone calls between their partner and their meta be when they're not around? I'd rather not hear her talking to Pete at all, especially now.
I'm sorry for the long rant, but I'm at my wit's end over this. I think she needs to do a better job of balancing HER relationships. Should I be more considerate of Pete's time with Ms Fisher? I feel like that's not my problem. At least it shouldn't be. Am I the asshole?
I'm sorry for the long rant, but I'm at my wit's end over this. I think she needs to do a better job of balancing HER relationships. Should I be more considerate of Pete's time with Ms Fisher? I feel like that's not my problem. At least it shouldn't be. Am I the asshole?
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