I feel like most Asians don't understand or don't know what polyamory is

AnonymouslyShy

New member
I don't know if this is just me or not but it seems that Thailand (and maybe some other countries in the Asia catagory I'm not sure) are not aware of or really secretive about who they are. In alot of dating site and in this forum I see alot of inactivity when the topic does arrive for thais in comparison to even our neighboring countries. It's quite troubling to know that people are afraid to show who they really are, or maybe I'm just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Opinions?
 
Hi P,

I don't know many Asians, much less Asians with whom I have talked about polygamy, so I don't have a solid take on how well polygamy is generally understood in Asia. From what you're saying, I guess polygamy is particularly poorly understood (and not talked about) in Thailand. And maybe there are some people who are polygamous inside, but don't realize it? I don't know.

By the way, when you say polygamy, do you mean polyamory? Do you understand the difference between the two words?

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
That's a typo sorry. Thank u for pointing that out, I'll go ahead and change it. I think my understanding is correct then again it's very surface level. Polyamory is loving more than 1 person while polygamy means having more than 1 wife/husband. Again it's very surface level, feel free to add on or correct anything.

Thank you,
P
 
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No, I think you've got it right. There's actually some overlap between the two terms because even in the United States, where polygamy is illegal, some people consider themselves polygamous because they're "unofficially" married. My two V companions and I consider ourselves polyamorous, but we could say polygamous (polyandrous) because the two men are unofficially married to "our wife."
 
I don't know if this is just me or not but it seems that Thailand (and maybe some other countries in the Asia catagory I'm not sure) are not aware of or really secretive about who they are. In alot of dating site and in this forum I see alot of inactivity when the topic does arrive for thais in comparison to even our neighboring countries. It's quite troubling to know that people are afraid to show who they really are, or maybe I'm just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Opinions?
It really depends on the country and honestly who you meet. When I lived in Japan I dated a host and lived in a very small place with him and his friend/co-worker. We actually shared a futon because there wasn't room for much more than that. More than once I woke up cuddled with the wrong man but everyone was okay with it. I was much younger back then and didn't really know how to have a talk about what was going on. Honestly, I think they were both probably into the idea of all three of us being together but at the same time we were just kids and communication skills are kind of zero. However, I will say this about the sex industry/fetish scene/alt lifestyle in Japan... much like everything else... it's underground and depends on who you ask/know. I know this is the same for South Korea. Both countries are highly conservative and almost everything is taboo. I think Japan's culture has honestly gone off the rails a lot more than Korea. But also both countries have love hotels because bringing someone back to where you live for sex is not really done... even if you are in a relationship with that person. When I hosted exchange students they always commented on the lack of 'love hotels' and the thought of bringing someone back to where you live as bazaar. There's a hard separation between interpersonal relationships and your personal life. Korea also, unfortunately, has a strong Catholic presence. I know parts of southeast asia are also cursed with catholic missionaries. But at the same time I cannot really comment on the alt lifestyle scene in southeast asia because I've never lived there. I have friends from there but so far they have all been mono people.

However, there is an ethnic group in China who practice actual polyamory and the society is matriarchal. It is a really interesting system where women chose which men they want to be intimate with and this leads to a lot of blended families/not knowing paternity of children. There is no actual marriage either. It's just whoever you fancy at the time gets an invite for 'visitation rights'.
 
However, there is an ethnic group in China who practice actual polyamory and the society is matriarchal. It is a really interesting system where women chose which men they want to be intimate with and this leads to a lot of blended families/not knowing paternity of children. There is no actual marriage either. It's just whoever you fancy at the time gets an invite for 'visitation rights'.
Yeah, Mosuo people have the so-called "walking marriage" system without the restrictions of monogamy. However, I'm not sure how common polyamory actually is in their culture. I've read that most people still practice serial monogamy, even though technically they're allowed to have multiple partners simultaneously.

In most parts of China, polyamory is pretty much unheard of, and even a lot of otherwise open-minded people fail to understand it. Cheating is much easier for them to understand and even accept, because at least it's operating in the monogamous framework. But poly/ethical non-monogamy seems to be catching up among young people in big cities.

My Indian friend told me it's similar in India. It's very hard to find poly/ENM people, but in some colleges, it's common for students to explore alternative relationships. My friend had a few college friends who were in poly relationships before. It's like in the US or Europe that there's a lot of variation in knowledge and attitudes about poly, depending on geographical area and demographics.
 
Thank goodness young people all over the world are challenging relationship norms.
 
From my admittedly small experience, dating Asian men who are living/working in the US, there have been too many cultural dissimilarities to make a proper go of a poly relationship. They didn't understand the difference between being single (but looking for a wife ultimately) and being polyamorous. One guy seemed shocked when I attempted to give him head, and his penis deflated! Another guy had a gf and told me he could fuck me but not kiss me. Another one (married) took five dates to actually get in bed, and once he'd had that one experience, he ghosted. Etc. It's a shame, because I find Asians to be extremely physically attractive. I'm sure that there would be a better connection if an Asian American was third generation or more.

These guys were S Korean, Vietnamese, and 2 Indians.

On the other hand, I did date a guy who was South Pacific Islander, that is, half Fijian and half Canadian, raised in the US, but visiting Fiji often. We got along great. But I know that's an entirely different kind of culture.
 
Coincidentally I just came across an episode of a Chinese podcast that talked about poly. I didn't actually listen to it, but read the article that accompanies it, which is pretty good. It's all in Chinese, otherwise I'd have posted the link here.
 
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