I registered this user name years ago but forgot I had this account

[funfunkyfantastic]

So apparently I registered on this site years ago. Not sure how far back, but likely when I was first exploring polyamory which was 2011 I think.

So as of right now I'm in a monogamous relationship with my husband. We've discussed off and on for years about adding another girl and forming a triad as I am bi-sexual (I identify as Demisexual though) and he wouldn't be ok with me being with another woman unless he was involved too. So for now we're still in the process of searching. I have done polyamorous relationships in the past though starting in 2011. I stopped for a bit shortly before I met my husband though. He has known about it the entire time though. He's just never wanted to share me unless he can be with the person too. I don't have any interest in being with other males though, just women, so that's where we're at. He and I have been together just about 8 years now. We have one child together and I also have another child from another marriage who visits.

So there you all go, my long overdue intro!

 

[tdh]

He's just never wanted to share me unless he can be with the person too.

Welcome back...

Has he given an explanation why he has to be involved and why this is different then if you had a partner he knew about but wasn't involved with? Is your and his goal to have a new life partner you are all in a closed, committed triad, more of a one off sexual interaction where the new partner is not closed, or somewhere in the middle?

I have had married friends with bi sexual partners in them and dating. The bi partner tends to get their needs met better by not having all partners connected and having their current partner involved (at least at the beginning) can prevent or stall the new relationship working as needed.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings funfunkyfantastic,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

To me it seems easy to understand what you are looking for, you are seeking a bisexual woman to join your couple (you and your husband). This is a perfectly worthy aspiration in my opinion, you just have to be patient as it takes awhile to find what you seek. In the meantime, have a look around on our various threads and boards, and post any thoughts, questions, or observations you may have as you go along. It's nice to have you back!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[funfunkyfantastic]

Welcome back...

Has he given an explanation why he has to be involved and why this is different then if you had a partner he knew about but wasn't involved with? Is your and his goal to have a new life partner you are all in a closed, committed triad, more of a one off sexual interaction where the new partner is not closed, or somewhere in the middle?

I have had married friends with bi sexual partners in them and dating. The bi partner tends to get their needs met better by not having all partners connected and having their current partner involved (at least at the beginning) can prevent or stall the new relationship working as needed.

He said it's to avoid jealousy. I told him that there was always the possibility of him having a separate girlfriend if he wanted since honestly his sex drive is higher than mine but he has no interest in looking. He'd rather just have someone here as a part of our family and that makes sense to me.

 

[Magdlyn]

You guys are the dreaded unicorn hunters. This venture is almost guaranteed to fail. Please read this with your h.

So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?

This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…

davidlnoble.livejournal.com

 

[Inaniel]

If your goal is to “avoid” jealousy you may want to consider “avoiding” polyamory... Polyamory requires you to lean into jealousy, to understand it and rationalize it. Avoiding jealousy.. That’s what monogamy tries to do...

 

[funfunkyfantastic]

You guys are the dreaded unicorn hunters. This venture is almost guaranteed to fail. Please read this with your h.

So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?

This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…

davidlnoble.livejournal.com

We'll take it with a grain of salt. We know the risks and understand that jealousy is natural and you have to work with it to find where it's coming from. Unfortunate that unicorns are so hard to find. But I understand why. I have known another triad that did eventually fail but it did work for a while. I'm optimistic but understand this will not be an easy process at all.

 

[starlight1]

Speaking as a previously bi single poly woman I don't date women who can't meet me equally on their own.

Ask yourself: would you be ok if a woman wanted to date you and said "By the way sex and dating off the table unless my husband is there?" Do you really need a man to hold your hand to find a woman or want a woman or for her to want you?

No thank you. Good luck in finding that but you're better off searching for a woman yourself.

Women are already picky, as it is, and if you treat them as a thrill ride for your husband you might find swinging and casual sexual encounters but less likely with a dating partner unless that woman has no self esteem whats so ever.