I want to put myself out there.

H

Haro383

New member
Hello!

It is nice to find a place like this where I can talk to like-minded people. I've been in a poly relationship for about a year and a half with my fiance. They have two separate metamours outside of town and I've had struggles feeling like I'm not enough. We have had good and progressive conversations on what it really means to be polyamorous and how love is something to be grown and cultivated with everyone without making it a competition. Before this relationship, I was monogamous and went through several dishonest relationships where people wouldn't tell me who they were sleeping with and I only ever found out after the fact. This is by far the healthiest relationship I've had with the most communication. However, I still feel that feeling of jealousy and competition in the pit of my gut, even though I rationally know the truth. So I'm here to learn how to understand and possibly have metamours of my own even. I am looking forward to this growing on this sub and learning how to be in a flourishing relationship with my nest partner and possible others.
 
Hi Haro

Do you mean that you fiance has two other lovers outside of town?

Those people would be your metamours and your fiance's paramours, or partners.

And you want your own other partners?

Have I understood correctly?
 
Greetings Haro383,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
You will find many like-minded people here, just explore the site and keep posting.

You are enough, *for your part in your fiancé's relationships.* The basis of polyamory is that at least one person wants to have multiple partners. It doesn't make sense, then, to say that a single partner is "enough" to meet that particular need. You can't be two people. However, that doesn't mean that you're a second-rate person, or that your fiancé sees you as unsatisfactory in some way.

It sounds like you're using "metamour" in the sense of, "a second or third romantic partner." If so, I think you might mean "OSO -- Other Significant Other." Metamour is usually meant in the sense of, "the partner of one's partner." In other words, the two people your fiancé is dating outside of town are actually *your* metamours ... and they are your fiancé's OSO's. You can find other definitions in our Glossary and Definitions thread. Let me know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings Haro383,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
You will find many like-minded people here, just explore the site and keep posting.

You are enough, *for your part in your fiancé's relationships.* The basis of polyamory is that at least one person wants to have multiple partners. It doesn't make sense, then, to say that a single partner is "enough" to meet that particular need. You can't be two people. However, that doesn't mean that you're a second-rate person, or that your fiancé sees you as unsatisfactory in some way.

It sounds like you're using "metamour" in the sense of, "a second or third romantic partner." If so, I think you might mean "OSO -- Other Significant Other." Metamour is usually meant in the sense of, "the partner of one's partner." In other words, the two people your fiancé is dating outside of town are actually *your* metamours ... and they are your fiancé's OSO's. You can find other definitions in our Glossary and Definitions thread. Let me know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...
This means the world to me. I've had issues in the past with self worth and being enough for my relationships. And right? I can't be more than just myself and that is all my partner wants. It's also what I need to accept so that I don't set a bar for myself that is too unreachable. I'll read I'll definitely go over the Golden Nuggets as well as the guidelines.
 
Sounds good.

I forgot to mention, you spoke a little of jealousy, and I have some links for managing jealousy. Here they are:
Of course, sometimes jealousy is an internal warning system for when you are being treated badly, or even in an unfit relationship. So sometimes the right response to jealousy is to just listen to it.

I hope that helps.
 
Thank you for all the helpful information. I'm going through it now as we speak. It's a lot to learn, but I'm willing to put in the time and effort for it.
 
That's excellent. Knowledge is power, as the saying goes. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
 
Welcome to the group. Folks here care and have had many interesting experiences. Take what helps and discard the rest. Jump in and be active in discussion.
 
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