Idk what to do(i didnt know what to put)

[ImJoshuaThx]

So lets start by i have always had been in an open relationship with my girlfriends lol 3 of them the 3rd gf is my wife. So background about me i dont remeber my childhood till about 16 high school was lonely had 2 friends and the rest everyone knew me. Till i was 18 had my first date i was a ring around/ bumper date what ever you call it. That crushed me because i liked her alot and i asked her out for a 2nd she said no because she went back her ex. So Myspace was when i met my first gf she was awesome and sex was ok but mostly gay so open relationship then i helped her find her gf and we 3 hung out alot and it was fun but i wanted a gf, she didnt help me find one and they/we just went our own ways after about 6 years. So 6 months with no one and i asked a girl out that was my elementary school she had a crush on me this was a trip she was married already i asked her out but found out she was married and was weary about meeting her but still did. We met had sex and 2 days later she divorced her husband to be with me, i was like dang we clicked for about a month but felt more loke friends we didnt open but i tried to see if she was down she did what didn't want she cheated on me with a guy idk why we had a great sex life it was always fun so i was crushed (2 years with her) and was in a funk so i went to craigslist and did escorts and i was an escort this all happened for 6 months and i had enough of it so i put ad on Craigslist and 3rd gf/wife found me and asked to meet up talked in march over email, met up on may 13 and married june 13th. (10 years together now)

So fast forward a little took me 6 years to tell her i would like to open our relationship up be crazy she was excited and concerned. We talked about it and we looked but apparently shes picky lol so after we moved our neighbors i thought would be awesome they had kids they both liked what we liked but my wife was scared to act i wanted to but she the boss lol, and i didnt want to be the creep so it was talked about for 1 yr and half and we moved to midwest.

Here almost 2 years and she gets a paper withba phone # on it and she asked me waht to do didnt know what to thi k of it and i finally said on the 4th day text her and get a friend not thinking it was a gf kinda deal but the first day she met her wife came back and said im in love. I was like uhhh why. Blah blah blah perfect awesome all that.. ok so i finally met her after a week of them together...

I find out gf has a fiance(f) and been together for 2 years .. im like wtf ok maybe this would be good poly family 4 of us together awesome and id get some and have a friend because i have no friends trust me i dont i lost my 28 year friendship 2 years ago.. but so i was happy more for the friendship i can get out of this so i met the "fiance" and she was cool till i asked her to come to store with me we talk a little but get to store she tells me "first i want to make this clear we are NOT having sex. Just want to make it clear" my brain was studdering i wasnt even thinking about sex just wanted a friend we get back home they ask me how did it go i told them what she said i was sad my wife gets upset and now hates her but hates her more because about a week later the "fiance" yelled at gf about trash outside and my wife was there at the gf apartment. It was a shitshow ... so yea fiance cant come over and be around or around my wife.. so now wife is like trying to just have gf only and lose the "fiance" .. me not having sex with anyone lmao and now a month and 2 days without sex very fing nice right.. and cant what the heck ive been wanting open relationship and my one rule was condoms with guys and gontontown with girls. Hers no sex with women and have fun with guys im like wtf

So yesterday out of know where she asks me we need you to have a gf me goes ?????¿¿¿ why so im like find me one. So we will see. But now im like why out of know where ask me that.. 10 years together 2 kids and wants more but gf comes in and she too wants kids so im like "there gona leave me" they both say no and gf i trust after finally having a day woth her just to talk with out my wife went well and all i have problems she did say shes not into men. But away back wife says she might be down to get freaky with me.. but i didnt feel like that when she was talking to me but we will see about that too... but hopefully my wife came around and is actually open for all this.

But this is mainly my shitshow life going on past month and im lost confused and going crazy lol.

Did write a little on the introduction page thanks guys again for telling me where to post this tid bit..

Its long im sorry but yea any help or advice would be nice

 

[Evie]

ok, I'm trying to get this straight. Currently there's:

You (M)-----Wife (F)-----wife's GF(F)-----gf's Fiancée (F).

We usually call this an N shaped relationship.

Fiancée doesn't want anything to do with you or Wife. That's okay, we call this "parallel polyamory".

GF and you are cool after you got the chance to chat with her 1-1. She is what we call your "metamour" - your partner's partner. Fiancée is your Wife's metamour. You have "kitchen table polyamory" when you are both happy to share each other's company, but it's not sexual.

NOTE: please don't ever expect sex from your Wife's GF no matter what your Wife says when it's just you guys. GF has told you straight up she isn't into men. That she wants kids isn't your business right now. She'll make that happen her own way in her own time.

Now your wife has said she's cool if you get a totally separate girlfriend, extending the N to a W shaped relationship. Sweet, that's the healthy kind of fair.

You told your Wife to find you a girlfriend. This is your first real actual problem here. It's not your Wife's job to find you your own girlfriend. If you can't take care of your own business, don't expect her to do it for you. Make yourself dateable. Then put yourself in places to meet women that may want to date you. Then respectfully ask them on a date. You must have some idea of what women want if you were escorting for 6 months.

Opening up relationships can often be a shitshow. It's how you work though that that matters. Generally, dating separately is going to lead to more stability in the long run, even if some of those relationships don't work out.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi ImJoshuaThx,

So your wife is now saying she wants you to have a girlfriend. Is she willing to let you pick the girl, or is she insisting that she be the one to do that? Does she have requirements that a girlfriend for you must meet? Does she have requirements that you must meet when you have a girlfriend? If you don't know you may want to ask her.

It sounds like maybe your wife expected her girlfriend to have sex with you, and your wife got upset with her girlfriend when said girlfriend told you she wouldn't have sex with you. It sounds like the girlfriend isn't into men, I don't know why your wife thought she would be. Was the idea that the girlfriend would have sex with you so as to get pregnant? I know you just wanted to be her friend.

I think the best thing in this situation, would be for you to go out and find your own girlfriend, and it would be fair for your wife to not have a bunch of qualifications the girlfriend must meet. You should be the one to decide what kind of girlfriend you want; your wife should support you. So get out there and start looking.

Hopefully this helps,
Kevin T.

 

[ImJoshuaThx]

Thank you for the questions and il ask her. It sorta sucks because i have been here 2 years and haven't figured out how to make friends, i tried the common sites but bunch of spam people.. idk how to approach and my work is lonely as what im doing now night delivery driving where no one is around fml.. but ill figure out and try not to be a creep lol i guess its like atarting over and not riding a bike because im guessing how to say hey would you like to hang out sometime ~ lol w a j i am.. ill let you know K.T. thanks again

 

[kdt26417]

Sounds good. Keep us posted as your situation progresses.

 

[Magdlyn]

I have always had open relationships with my girlfriends. 3 of them. The 3rd gf is my wife.

High school was lonely. I had 2 friends. When I was 18 I had my first date. I was a ring around/bumper date, whatever you call it.

I have never heard of a ring around/bumper date. What is that?

That crushed me because I liked her a lot. I asked her out for a 2nd date. She said no. She went back her ex.

I met my first gf on MySpace. She was awesome. The sex was ok, but she was mostly gay so we had an open relationship. I helped her find her gf. We 3 hung out a lot and it was fun. But I wanted a gf. She didnt help me find one. We went our own ways after about 6 years.

I had 6 months with no one. Then I asked a girl out. She had a crush on me in school. i asked her out but found out she was married. I was leery about meeting her but still did. We met and had sex and 2 days later she divorced her husband to be with me. I was like dang. We clicked for about a month but felt more like friends.

We didn't open but I tried to see if she was down. She did what I didn't want. She cheated on me with a guy. idk why-- we had a great sex life. It was always fun.

I was crushed (after 2 years with her) and in a funk.

I put an ad on Craigslist and my gf found me and asked to meet up. We talked in March over email, met up on May 13 and married June 13th. (10 years together now.)

Fast forward a little-- it took me 6 years to tell her I would like to open our relationship up, be crazy. She was excited and concerned. We talked about it and we looked. but apparently she's picky.

After we moved we had neighbors I thought would be awesome. They had kids. they both liked what we liked, but my wife was scared to act. I wanted to, but she's the boss lol. I didnt want to be the creep so it was talked about for 1 yr and half and then we moved to the Midwest.

We were here almost 2 years and she got a paper with a phone # on it.

How did she "get a paper"?

She asked me what to do. I didnt know what to think of it. Finally on the 4th day I said, text her and get a friend, not thinking it was a gf kinda deal. But the first day she met her, my wife came back and said "I'm in love." I was like uhhh why? Blah blah blah perfect awesome all that. I met her after a week of them being together.

I find out her gf has a fiancee (f) and they'd been together for 2 years. I'm like, ok maybe this would be good poly family, 4 of us together, awesome. And I'd get some and have a friend.

I have no friends. I lost my 28 year friendship 2 years ago. I was happy, more for the friendship I coulde get out of this. So I met the fiancee and she was cool. I asked her to come to the store with me. We talked a little but she told me, "I want to make this clear: we are NOT having sex." My brain was stuttering. I wasn't even thinking about sex. I just wanted a friend.

We get back home. they asked me how did it go. I told them what she said. I was sad. my wife gets upset and now hates her.

Why would your wife hate her gf's fiancee for not wanting to have sex with you, a guy she just met? Why would your wife's gf herself want to have sex with you just because you're married? There seems to be some confusion here. You did say you thought you'd "get some" if you met your wife's gf's fiancee. I guess you were thinking of a partner swap, where you wife is fucking her gf and you are fucking her gf's gf. That's not polyamory, that's a form of swinging, and it seems like this couple is not into swinging. I don't get the so-called "hate." Why can't you all just be friends? Or, if you don't get along with your wife's gf or her gf's fiancee, just step aside. You don't get to be friends with your wife's friends automatically. You should probably work on your social skills and get some friends of your own.

but hates her more because about a week later the fiancee yelled at gf about trash outside and my wife was there at their apartment. It was a shitshow.

Fiancee cant come over and be around my wife. Now wife is trying to just have gf only and lose the "fiancee."

That's fine. Your wife can just date her gf and not be around gf's fiancee and none of them have to be around you.

I'm not having sex with anyone.

Not even your wife?

It's now been a month and 2 days without sex. Very nice, right? and cant what the heck ive been wanting open relationship and my one rule was condoms with guys and gontontown on girls

What is that word there, "gontontown"? Don't go down on girls? Your wife isn't allowed to do oral sex with women?

Her rule is: no sex with women and have fun with guys. I'm like wtf?

Your wife is telling you that you can only have sex with men?

So yesterday out of nowhere she asks me we need you to have a gf. I go????? Why? Then I'm like, "find me one." So we will see. But now I'm like why out nowhere ask me that?

It sounds like your wife changed her mind. Now she's OK with you dating women or men.

10 years together, 2 kids, and wants more.

Who has 2 kids? Who wants more?

but gf comes in and she too wants kids. so im like "they'e gonna leave me." they both say no.

Just because your wife and her gf both want kids it means your wife will leave you? Why?

I trust gf after finally having a day with her, just to talk, without my wife. It went well and all I have a problem with is: she's not into men. A while back, my wife said her gf might be down to get freaky with me. But i didnt feel like that when she was talking to me. but we will see about that too... but hopefully my wife came around and is actually open for all this.

No. Her gf sounds like a lesbian. Or, she's bi but not attracted to you. But maybe your wife is just stringing you along since she's being successful at polyamory, but you can't seem to meet friends, much less find a partner on your own. You want your wife to find you a partner. That's not how it works. You're expected to find your own friends and your own dates by putting yourself out there.