If you want to love me you have to love my spouse?

I don't buy into this polyamorous requirement that if you are legally married to someone that your spouse has to also be romantically involved with the other person you are in love with.
No requirement that I know of. The 4 of us just got lucky that's how it happened. :D
 
Wow! I am pleasantly surprised!

My apologies if I offended anyone. It was not my intention.
 
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The desire isn't rare, finding women willing to enter into.such a relationship is rare. The ones I've seen that actually lasted just formed organically and the weren't closed

It's certainly popular to *want* a successful triad/quad/unicorn utopia, but it doesn't surprise me to see that they frequently have serious issues. It's a matter of the expectations going in when the goal is to "have an equal triad" or to "bring in a girl who loves my wife and I" it seems clear enough that the number of pieces which need to flawlessly fit together are far greater than an organic relationship.

I am in total agreement though, a group of people who fall into what could be classified as a triad or quad is completely different from the formula hunters I've seen. If it works, let it work and that is fantastic... but assuming that a perfect romantic union is going to happen between a group of people is quite an expectation.
 
It's certainly popular to *want* a successful triad/quad/unicorn utopia, but it doesn't surprise me to see that they frequently have serious issues. It's a matter of the expectations going in when the goal is to "have an equal triad" or to "bring in a girl who loves my wife and I" it seems clear enough that the number of pieces which need to flawlessly fit together are far greater than an organic relationship.

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Agreed again Marcus. i guess how i look at my "quad' ideal is that I date a married man, my spouse dates his wife, so the four of us are linked that way but we girls and the two guys arent romantically involved. Im guessing its more likely? Though we arent by any means happens. We know a nice couple, if it happens it happens
 
If it happens it happens is, in my opinion, the right attitude to dating in general. I don't know anyone in any long lasting successful relationship who got there by forcing it or chasing an ideal of some kind. The exception is people who are married as a business transaction more than romantic... i.e. married for the sake of being married and don't expect "love."
 
I am in total agreement though, a group of people who fall into what could be classified as a triad or quad is completely different from the formula hunters I've seen.

Indeed. The last thing I expected, or was looking for, was a triad. It just happened. No plan, no strategy. So no expectations - which is one reason it seems to work.

Now if only the children would be as enthusiastic :( Sigh.
 
Agreed again Marcus. i guess how i look at my "quad' ideal is that I date a married man, my spouse dates his wife, so the four of us are linked that way but we girls and the two guys arent romantically involved. Im guessing its more likely? Though we arent by any means happens. We know a nice couple, if it happens it happens

I would stop trying to predict how relationships are going to form. The only thing you can reasonably count on by making these predictions is that you will get in the way of what could have happened organically.

Also, "quad" and "triad" suggest that all members are romantically involved with one another. What you described is a pair of couples who are dating each others spouses. Nothing wrong with it, just that calling it a "quad" confuses people like me who try to use words according to what they mean.
 
Also, "quad" and "triad" suggest that all members are romantically involved with one another. What you described is a pair of couples who are dating each others spouses. Nothing wrong with it, just that calling it a "quad" confuses people like me who try to use words according to what they mean.

That is generally true of triads, but I don't think that is a hard and fast definition of a quad. It seems that most quads I read about (and the quad that appeared on Montel Williams) are just usually two couples intimately involved in each other's lives, with varying configurations of sexual involvement. Many, many quads just "swap" partners, but the women are not always sexually involved with each other. I believe that it is much rarer for all members of a quad to be sexually involved with each other.
 
That is generally true of triads, but I don't think that is a hard and fast definition of a quad.

It's just confusing that there is an explicit distinction between the geometric shape of a vee versus a triad, but the quad (a closed shape like the triad) means something totally different.

So the word essentially means "closed couple partner exchange, or any variation of four individuals in which members may or may not be romantically involved" lol
 
The Triad vs. Vee thing works because the lines show the (sexual/romantic) relationship links. You need to draw diagonals if everyone in a quad is involved with everyone else, but for that you also need to move the visualisation into 3D in order to get a one-word name. A tetrahedron, perhaps? Does anyone want to try for a tesseract?
 
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So the word essentially means "closed couple partner exchange, or any variation of four individuals in which members may or may not be romantically involved" lol

thats how i was using it marcus :) I actually was laying in bed thinking about this last night. lol. drawing lines in my head between people...its easy to connect/draw a V, and a triad is just a trianlge....but then when you get to quad the geometry could get confusing. Say, Im married to J1, I date J2, J2 is married to M, M dates J1, and maybe M and i have some intimate time with the guys. I guess why i said "quad" is because you could connect us into a square, which closes.
 
I guess why i said "quad" is because you could connect us into a square, which closes.

You should try for Flowerchild's "full integration". That way it's a box with an "X" in the middle - everyone shagging everyone.
 
We tried a quad. Didn't work when the guy of the other couple was really possessive and manipulative. He also wanted polyfi which we found unacceptable.
 
I can share a relationship configuration I am a part of. Me and my SO met a couple 3 years ago. She is bi and was interested in having a woman in her life. I was looking for a girlfriend too at the time but my SO and I were meeting a lot of people at the time, and to be honest we had certain things we were looking for, so we didn't follow up with them. I saw the couple at a club 2 years later and found that I was attracted to both of them. I still didn't have a girlfriend so I asked if she would be interested in pursuing that. I consider myself to be in a "dating" triad that is still forming with this couple AND she is attracted to my SO also, so the four of us have done things together too! There is an understood hierarchy of the different relationship configurations. I would put them in this order of importance and this also represents the amount of time we devote to the relationship configurations.

1-She and her husband
2-Me and my SO
3-She and I
4-She, I and her husband
5-She, I, her husband, my SO
6- me and her husband

These configurations will probably never happen

She, her husband and my SO
She and my SO
 
Well we tried asking for clarification Flowerchild, and all we got was defensive attitudes and back tracking. Read around, a lot of times people ask for clarification because with language we can be using the same words and meaning different things.
 
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