I've had friends say, and I believe, too, that you can't really date half a couple. That is, you'll have a relationship with both, regardless of it being intimate.
But, the way I see it there are two kinds of relationships. One, you have two people that date others on the side. In that case, I guess you could have a very minimal relationship with the metamour. Two, you date with the intention of those people being equal partners in the group...and if you really want to be fully involved with your partner's life, then, yes, I think it's absolutely necessary to have a good relationship with everyone involved.
Personally, I find relationships where it's all about sex to be more open than poly. That is not the kind of configuration I prefer, though I get that it appeals to others.
In my situation my wife and girlfriend actually meet first to see if the clicked.
They went shopping and almost immediately loved hanging out and have found they were alot alike in energy and shopping. So they both knew they would be great in the couples thing ,at least for them two.
We finally all meet a few days later for drinks and we all clicked the mean and the women.
So that how we are
However, for those of us that date independently, it's like a bait and switch to be telling someone that you are poly and interested in them and then after a couple of dates explaining it can't go any farther unless you like my spouse too. It's not necessary to like my spouse, to love them, to be interested in them, hell to even meet them! If you are dating ME, then you need to get along with, be interested in and meet ME!
But I don't really understand why everyone in a relationship wouldn't be involved with each other as lovers.~ I don't see it as multiple relationships, I don't understand "triads" or "primaries" or "secondaries", I see it as one big whole relationship.~
Because we are heterosexual and have NO interest in a romantic or sexual relationship with the same sex what so ever.
Plus we are not the Borg we are individuals and even if you share a partner in common with another you still have separate relationships with each person. You don't have one shared mass relationship with your parents do you. You have one with your father .. one with your mother.. then a separate one when they are working together to run a household.
But I don't really understand why everyone in a relationship wouldn't be involved with each other as lovers.
That's why I try to look for people with a little more "open sexuality", because I do not limit myself based on sex or any factor: if we click, we click, they could be a man a woman a man-woman woman-man a unic someone born without genitals or even 99 years old.~ I want to be with someone who is open to the idea of loving another person who enters into our relationship, not as a separate somehow connected relationship to ours but completely and totally ONE with ours!~ ^_^
I want to be with someone who is open to the idea of loving another person who enters into our relationship, not as a separate somehow connected relationship to ours but completely and totally ONE with ours!~ ^_^
RainyGrlJenny said:Rather than being freeing and limitless in love, the real life application of your preference is extremely narrow and controlling, in my opinion.
I don't quite understand your analogy, I don't know how others see life or their "world" but I see things differently.~ My mother and father are not divorced and they certainly don't feel like "separate" relationships. They are just different people and I treat them accordingly, but I would never say that my relationship with my mother is any different than my relationship with my father nor my sister.~ We are all family.~ ^_^
Being family is a connection but you have separate ways of relating to each of the different people within the family. Being sexual or romantic with someone is a specific way of relating that you might want to share with one person but not another. Unless of course it is your preference to share that with anyone who crosses your path. That is fine of course, as long as they are willing but....I daresay it is uncommon.