If you want to love me you have to love my spouse?

Marcus

Well-known member
Wow, judgmental community much?

I am an entire community now? MY POWER GROWS!!

You can get pissy (yet again) if you want FC. You were the one who gave that description of the configuration where everyone is bi and involved with one another. My comment was meant to poke fun at you while adding that particular configuration to the topic.

I will never again hear about a quad+ type situation where everyone is shagging everyone without hearing "fully integrated" in my head!!
 

Flowerchild

New member
ugh

I was trying to give an example. That's literally all. I was really hoping for constructive advice, not judgments. But thanks for crediting me with new terminology :)
 

SchrodingersCat

Active member
Wow, judgmental community much?

Interesting take. Marcus didn't actually use any judgemental language at all. However, I find it fascinating that you chose to read between the lines and find judgement where none was intended. Usually that says more about the reader than the speaker...
 

Flowerchild

New member
Open relationship

Personally, I find relationships where it's all about sex to be more open than poly. That is not the kind of configuration I prefer, though I get that it appeals to others.
 

gorgeouskitten

New member
I've had friends say, and I believe, too, that you can't really date half a couple. That is, you'll have a relationship with both, regardless of it being intimate.

But, the way I see it there are two kinds of relationships. One, you have two people that date others on the side. In that case, I guess you could have a very minimal relationship with the metamour. Two, you date with the intention of those people being equal partners in the group...and if you really want to be fully involved with your partner's life, then, yes, I think it's absolutely necessary to have a good relationship with everyone involved.

Im gonna have to disagree with you. While I tried, and would like, to be in a good and more involved relationship with my partners metamour, it just aint gonna happen. Shes a fine person, im a fine person....it kinda ends there. We are nice to each other, and we can be in the same place at the same time.

This, has not lessened or detracted from my BF and my relationship at all. We still love each other,spend a lot of time together (and he with my spouse and family ,they are good friends) but my not being friends with his wife is working out ok.
 

gorgeouskitten

New member
Personally, I find relationships where it's all about sex to be more open than poly. That is not the kind of configuration I prefer, though I get that it appeals to others.

Im not sure where this plays in...werent we all discussing how involved groups of people were with each other? i also consider it being all about sex to be more open than poly, but im not sure how that fits in here unless this thread has fried my brain a little ;)
 

Emm

Stealth Mod
Does anyone want to try for a tesseract?
Ooooo! *waves hand* Me me! I love tesseracts!

I just stumbled across this fantastic gif of a rotating(??? what do you call it when it's doing it in 4 dimensions?) tesseract:

tesseract_zpsabdeefcb.gif


From here: http://epicjaws.com/epic/how-things-works-must-read.html/

[/hijack]
 

HappyCouple75

New member
In my situation my wife and girlfriend actually meet first to see if the clicked.
They went shopping and almost immediately loved hanging out and have found they were alot alike in energy and shopping. So they both knew they would be great in the couples thing ,at least for them two.

We finally all meet a few days later for drinks and we all clicked the mean and the women.

So that how we are
 

Vixtoria

New member
In my situation my wife and girlfriend actually meet first to see if the clicked.
They went shopping and almost immediately loved hanging out and have found they were alot alike in energy and shopping. So they both knew they would be great in the couples thing ,at least for them two.

We finally all meet a few days later for drinks and we all clicked the mean and the women.

So that how we are


From the sounds of it, then, you are looking specifically for a triad or quad so you find it important that all parties are interested in each other. That's fine if that's what you are interested in.

However, for those of us that date independently, it's like a bait and switch to be telling someone that you are poly and interested in them and then after a couple of dates explaining it can't go any farther unless you like my spouse too. It's not necessary to like my spouse, to love them, to be interested in them, hell to even meet them! If you are dating ME, then you need to get along with, be interested in and meet ME!
 

gorgeouskitten

New member
However, for those of us that date independently, it's like a bait and switch to be telling someone that you are poly and interested in them and then after a couple of dates explaining it can't go any farther unless you like my spouse too. It's not necessary to like my spouse, to love them, to be interested in them, hell to even meet them! If you are dating ME, then you need to get along with, be interested in and meet ME!

Agreed! if me and nudge's relationship was dependant on my relationship with his wife, he and i wouldnt be dating!
 

ColorsWolf

New member
Hello!~ ^_^ I'm new to these forums, ooo, first thread that's not my own I'm replying to!~ :3

Here's my opinion: personally I don't like to be like, "You HAVE to do this if you get involved with me." or "I didn't tell you about this earlier, but SURPRISE you got to love my other lover to!~ ;p"

But I don't really understand why everyone in a relationship wouldn't be involved with each other as lovers.~ I don't see it as multiple relationships, I don't understand "triads" or "primaries" or "secondaries", I see it as one big whole relationship.~

The above though is fine for others if they so choose that for themselves, but I don't feel like it would "fit" me.~

That's why I try to look for people with a little more "open sexuality", because I do not limit myself based on sex or any factor: if we click, we click, they could be a man a woman a man-woman woman-man a unic someone born without genitals or even 99 years old.~ I want to be with someone who is open to the idea of loving another person who enters into our relationship, not as a separate somehow connected relationship to ours but completely and totally ONE with ours!~ ^_^
 
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Dagferi

Well-known member
But I don't really understand why everyone in a relationship wouldn't be involved with each other as lovers.~ I don't see it as multiple relationships, I don't understand "triads" or "primaries" or "secondaries", I see it as one big whole relationship.~

Because we are heterosexual and have NO interest in a romantic or sexual relationship with the same sex what so ever.

Plus we are not the Borg we are individuals and even if you share a partner in common with another you still have separate relationships with each person. You don't have one shared mass relationship with your parents do you. You have one with your father .. one with your mother.. then a separate one when they are working together to run a household.
 

ColorsWolf

New member
Because we are heterosexual and have NO interest in a romantic or sexual relationship with the same sex what so ever.

Plus we are not the Borg we are individuals and even if you share a partner in common with another you still have separate relationships with each person. You don't have one shared mass relationship with your parents do you. You have one with your father .. one with your mother.. then a separate one when they are working together to run a household.

Like I said, that's fine for others but doesn't feel like it would "fit" me.~ I don't quite understand your analogy, I don't know how others see life or their "world" but I see things differently.~ My mother and father are not divorced and they certainly don't feel like "separate" relationships. They are just different people and I treat them accordingly, but I would never say that my relationship with my mother is any different than my relationship with my father nor my sister.~ We are all family.~ ^_^
 
But I don't really understand why everyone in a relationship wouldn't be involved with each other as lovers.

...

That's why I try to look for people with a little more "open sexuality", because I do not limit myself based on sex or any factor: if we click, we click, they could be a man a woman a man-woman woman-man a unic someone born without genitals or even 99 years old.~ I want to be with someone who is open to the idea of loving another person who enters into our relationship, not as a separate somehow connected relationship to ours but completely and totally ONE with ours!~ ^_^

But what if you love someone who doesn't love your other partner(s)? What if the "click" is there between you, but not between them? Are they then unworthy of a relationship with you simply because they don't want to fuck all the people you fuck?

Or suppose your lover falls for someone you're not interested in? Are they not allowed to create that relationship, because you don't care to create one also?

Just because someone pan/open/whatever-sexual doesn't mean they will be attracted to or have chemistry with EVERYONE.

Rather than being freeing and limitless in love, the real life application of your preference is extremely narrow and controlling, in my opinion.
 

Natja

New member
Being family is a connection but you have separate ways of relating to each of the different people within the family. Being sexual or romantic with someone is a specific way of relating that you might want to share with one person but not another. Unless of course it is your preference to share that with anyone who crosses your path. That is fine of course, as long as they are willing but....I daresay it is uncommon.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
I want to be with someone who is open to the idea of loving another person who enters into our relationship, not as a separate somehow connected relationship to ours but completely and totally ONE with ours!~ ^_^

Groovy.

RainyGrlJenny said:
Rather than being freeing and limitless in love, the real life application of your preference is extremely narrow and controlling, in my opinion.

Eh, I'd say it's about as narrow as any other set of relationship deal breakers. Free Love here will only get involved with people who are open to "whatever happens" and have apparently no limits or preferences of any kind. I will only get involved with girls who I think are clever and attractive, and who think my penis tastes like a vanilla milkshake. Is one of us being more demanding than the other? I don't know, but they are both requirements.

Potato-Potahto
 

Marcus

Well-known member
I don't quite understand your analogy, I don't know how others see life or their "world" but I see things differently.~ My mother and father are not divorced and they certainly don't feel like "separate" relationships. They are just different people and I treat them accordingly, but I would never say that my relationship with my mother is any different than my relationship with my father nor my sister.~ We are all family.~ ^_^

I can't tell if you are being obtuse or if you really don't make a distinction between different humans you encounter.

Your relationship with your sister is the same relationship as with your father? You treat them exactly the same in every way even though they are individuals and (most likely) very different people? Even though you likely have had vastly different life experiences with each of them?
 

ColorsWolf

New member
RainyGrlJenny ~ "1. But what if you love someone who doesn't love your other partner(s)? What if the "click" is there between you, but not between them? Are they then unworthy of a relationship with you simply because they don't want to fuck all the people you fuck?

2. Or suppose your lover falls for someone you're not interested in? Are they not allowed to create that relationship, because you don't care to create one also?

3. Just because someone pan/open/whatever-sexual doesn't mean they will be attracted to or have chemistry with EVERYONE.

4. Rather than being freeing and limitless in love, the real life application of your preference is extremely narrow and controlling, in my opinion."

Excellent points!~

1. No, I would not deem them unworthy if they did not feel like being with my other lovers in a sexual way or even loving way.

2. This is an excellent question and I'm glad you asked it!~ I actually make a point of this in my OkCupid profile: I encourage everyone whether they love me or not to explore their feelings if they feel something for some one else as well.~

3. This is true, I just tend to look for others who are pansexual or some thing like this because I hope that if they choose not to be with my other lovers it will not be just because "they're not into the same sex or opposite sex". I am open to loving everyone regardless of sexual orientation or definition or lack thereof.~

4. Only because you constructed it in your mind to appear that way as it is a little confusing and vague, I apologize for that.~


Being family is a connection but you have separate ways of relating to each of the different people within the family. Being sexual or romantic with someone is a specific way of relating that you might want to share with one person but not another. Unless of course it is your preference to share that with anyone who crosses your path. That is fine of course, as long as they are willing but....I daresay it is uncommon.

Thank you for asking this.~ Yes, I want to share everything with everyone.~ Sometimes though, because I respect someone's wishes I will not share certain things or talk about certain things.~ I don't want that in ANY of my love life, I want to be completely and totally open and honest with everything and I want to share and experience everything with all my lovers.~ For that is the way I am and the way I want to love and if they don't like that, then they do not like me and that is fine.~ If they ever change their mind, then they are always welcome to come back in my life if they so wish.~
 
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