I broke up with her because she was making all her life decisions, asking me about everything. It felt very stuffy to me. I thought it wasn’t for me and broke up a year-long relationship with her. After that, I dated some people and started to regret my decision. I read books, took time off, worked on myself, and spoke with a therapist to work on this issue of mine. But the issue of people leaving me seems deep-seated. I’m working on it every day.
Young people often have short relationships, since they are still learning about themselves and what they want and need in a relationship. You're not alone. There isn't something wrong with you.
Hell, when I left my ex husband in my 50s, I also had quite a few short relationships. Dating is just hard. Not everyone is going to be a long-term runner. It takes patience to find the right person or people, with the right chemistry, things in common, shared life goals, who live close enough to date in person, etc.
I tried to go out with other people after she told me she was poly, but it didn’t feel the same. I felt like it wasn't going right. The usual feelings when you date a new person weren't there.
You mean the new dating prospects didn't excite you, because you kept thinking about this old gf?
Why I helped to her: I’m close with their family. Her sister looks up to me like a brother. She tells me about everything, her daily life, dating life, studies. She asks me to help her out with stuff in life as a sister might do. Her dad treats me as his own son, like, literally. I couldn’t see the family struggling, so I helped them out.
So her family is important to you? But honestly, it's mostly just her. You feel a certain duty towards her sister and dad though.
It was mostly because I just cannot see her cry.
I loved her when we dated before and the love stayed with me.
So you dated her long enough that her sister thought of you as her brother and her father treated you like his son. But it seemed your gf couldn't make a decision without a lot of help from you, and this felt like too much at the time, so you broke up. But now, despite that problem, you're willing to overlook it and date her again, even though she wants to play the field for a while. You might be willing to let her go date and have sex with others since she declares she'll end up with you at some point.
She's only 22. Many people like to play the field these days until they're approaching 30. Are you willing to wait? Will you be overcome with jealousy and insecurity for eight more years? How do you know she really will end up with you? There's no way she can promise that.
She knows about my past relationships and all the people that left me, as she’s the one I confide in when things go south in my dating life, and she does that with me too, as far as I know.
So she's like your sister too.
She has told me that I’m the end game, that she’d stop being poly when she falls in love with me, long term. She has told the people that she goes out with about me and says “He’s my endgame.”
So she's not "in love" with you now. You're just familiar, like an old pair of jeans? Like a brother?
I accept her being poly, for sure, but having been brought up mono, I find it difficult to accept.
So you accept it, but you don't accept it. I think you need to make up your mind. At 25 there is plenty of time for you to date and find someone more suited for you than a girl you dated as a teenager who now seems to think of you as her brother.
I posted this thread to learn more about poly and how to cope with it. This all seems very new to me. I have phases when I’m like, "Why not? This is the time we gotta explore ourselves." But the opposite takes my mind over and ruins my whole day.
That's what you need to figure out. At 25, do you want to find someone who is fully ready for monogamy, or are you willing to wait for the time if and when this very young woman is ready to be mono? Some people are willing to wait. For others, it might not be healthy.
Either way, if she's playing the field and saying you're her end game, she is not truly polyamorous. Poly people don't date with the end game of settling down with one person.
