I'm desperate to discuss this video on poly with other poly people -- it's the most incredible argument for poly I've ever seen (feminist angle)

Marcus

Well-known member
They meander and play around quite a bit so I didn't watch the whole thing. They did say one thing that I really connected with:

It's perhaps not only possible, but romantic to want the people you love to have a big life

That's the best short form advice for having a healthy relationship that I could imagine. Very well put.
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
I didn't watch the whole thing, just read the transcript - honestly that's what I usually do with YouTube videos, I have no attention span - and it's a lovely story and philosophy but nothing really that new (perhaps I've just been living this too long). Agreed with Marcus though that it's a good argument-for, though.
 

Arc

Member
I watched half so far (didn't know you could get a transcript of YouTube videos, Icesong!) I agree that the video was a bit long and discursive but the YouTuber was likable enough and had an entertaining personality, and I'm always up for Celtic scenery, so I enjoyed it and will probably watch the second half tonight.

I'm relatively new to poly so some of the ideas were fresh. Drawing the connection between wanting your partner to have loves and relationships after your death, and wanting your partner to have loves and relationships now, was a new and impactful way of looking at things. As in: Really, what IS the difference between my wife having another partner after I die (hopefully that won't happen for a while) and my wife having another partner before I die?

Thanks for sharing.
 
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Marcus

Well-known member
I have no attention span - and it's a lovely story and philosophy but nothing really that new (perhaps I've just been living this too long).

That is certainly true for me when people put together videos in this kind of long meandering story telling format. I would have to be deeply invested in the creator to sit through that much goofing around.
 

Evie

Mod
I watched the whole thing over two sittings, partly because that Irish accent was just lovely. I know, totally not the point.

I absolutely agree that there are problems in the way relationships are legislated about and I wish for institutional change that in turn can help societal attitudes modify and back and forth until inequalities have been deconstructed. I was sad to realise I'd never considered family reunification issues.

I found it... different...to have poly mentioned as "queering relationships" since I've often read that we should keep out of the LGBTQ community.

I appreciated that there were references included, although I haven't followed any of them, yet. I might. It also made me think about the researchers that appear here with their largely quantitative questionnaires that so frequently miss the mark.

Honestly, watching this inspires me,l to do a little more, locally, to affect change. Maybe I'll try writing to my member of parliament. I don't know.
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
I watched half so far (didn't know you could get a transcript of YouTube videos, Icesong!)
Click on the three dots under the video, next to save, you'll get an option to open up the transcript. On my computer anyway, can't for the life of me figure out how to access that on my phone.
Drawing the connection between wanting your partner to have loves and relationships after your death, and wanting your partner to have loves and relationships now, was a new and impactful way of looking at things
I actually agree that THAT probably was unique and might actually be a worthwhile tack if I get into a polyamory discussion with an interested mono person anytime soon. Though given my social circles and freelance career that's kind of unlikely.
 
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icesong

Moderator
Staff member
I found it... different...to have poly mentioned as "queering relationships" since I've often read that we should keep out of the LGBTQ community.
To me that's the difference between queer as a verb and queer as an adjective. As an adjective, yeah, it really only applies to members of the LGBTQ+ community (and only if they want to use it - one of my best friends is an older gay guy and does NOT like the "reclaiming" of a word that was used as a slur against him.)

But as a *verb*.... that's to me different. A couple of the better bits from that link:
..."queering” is a complicating of the taken-for-granted heteronormativity of everyday practices, spaces, and discourses....

Specifically, queering seeks to expose or otherwise uncover that our norms are, in fact, just limitations on a far broader set of possibilities—social constructions that we feel suck in performing but that could be otherwise if we shook ourselves out of the stagnant patterns of thought, dominant discourses, and constraining social expectations that keep us doing them.
And I feel that that sort of *action* / thought process can be accomplished, if perhaps to a lesser degree, by being openly and unashamedly polyamorous, or having a queer platonic partner, or or or... the possibilities are endless. Really the fact that the possibilities ARE endless is the whole point.
 

Arc

Member
To me that's the difference between queer as a verb and queer as an adjective. As an adjective, yeah, it really only applies to members of the LGBTQ+ community (and only if they want to use it - one of my best friends is an older gay guy and does NOT like the "reclaiming" of a word that was used as a slur against him.)

But as a *verb*.... that's to me different. A couple of the better bits from that link:

And I feel that that sort of *action* / thought process can be accomplished, if perhaps to a lesser degree, by being openly and unashamedly polyamorous, or having a queer platonic partner, or or or... the possibilities are endless. Really the fact that the possibilities ARE endless is the whole point.
This is an interesting discussion that has been in my awareness as I've ventured, hesitantly, into polyamory. I find the "queering" component of poly encourages me to overcome my own hesitations and reservations.

I'm by no means an expert on queerness, either as a theory or in practice in the world (edit: that's actually a major understatement - I'm actually barely educated on the matter, but trying to learn), but a recent article I read (Feminism, Queer Theory, and Sexual Citizenship by Maxine Eichner) quoted this definition:

"Queer denotes not an identity but instead a political and existential stance, an ideological commitment, a decision to live outside some social norm or other. At the risk (the certainty) of oversimplification, one could say that even if one is born straight or gay, one must decide to be queer." (Richard Thompson Ford).

Another definition given is "queer means to fuck with gender". Which I think applies to polyamory in that it challenges patriarchal attitudes.

Also, queer theory is often seen as a critique of how power is wielded in society, or an action/resistance to power structures related to sex and gender; and polyamory I think can certainly be seen as a resistance to systems of power.
 
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Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I love this person and I wish we were friends. Their Irish accent sounded quite American. I wonder if that is because there are so many Irish in America.

Anyway, it was a pleasant, calming and mesmerizing video. I had no trouble watching the entire thing in one sitting. I'm glad they could quit their day job where they felt forced to be "manly" and, thanks to Patreon, can raise their kids and play music and create loving intelligent helpful YouTube content like this. The collecting of gorse flowers for tea while being watched by cows in the Irish rain was a nice touch.
 
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Evie

Mod
grouse flowers :LOL: (grouse are birds, and a mediocre blended scotch whisky)

Gorse is that damn yellow flowered bush.

Don't you have that terrible stuff over there? Our early settlers brought it out to NZ and it turned into a pest. The country has been trying to eradicate the stuff for decades but it just loves our growing conditions.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Solaronion,

I watched the whole video this evening. It was good. The guy (I suck at names) spoke for poly in an appealing and easygoing way, even while touching upon the broad social changes (such as universal health care) that would be needed in order to give polyamory a fair shake in this world. Not quite for beginners -- he doesn't really come out and formally state what poly is, he kind of assumes you know that much -- I think it's an excellent presentation for people in the early stages of learning about poly, and who are going back and forth in their minds on how they feel about poly. His arguments are actually too sound for people whose heels are dug in on the stance that poly is unhealthy/immoral, those people would only get all the more defensive. In my experience, you can't convert poly's enemies with great arguments. That's a revelation they have to discover for themselves. Although I suppose it may eventually help in some cases if they find out that a close friend or family member is poly.

Just some wandering thoughts,
Kevin T.
 

Inaniel

Active member
I watched the entire video and quite liked it. Beyond the messaging I found the creator quite original and I can tell a great effort was placed in creating the video. If anyone wants to support the creator you can subscribe, like, and comment on the video which causes the YouTube algorithm to distribute the work more prolifically.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
grouse flowers :LOL: (grouse are birds, and a mediocre blended scotch whisky)

Gorse is that damn yellow flowered bush.

Don't you have that terrible stuff over there? Our early settlers brought it out to NZ and it turned into a pest. The country has been trying to eradicate the stuff for decades but it just loves our growing conditions.
Oops lol thanks for the correction. I thought that didn't look right. I don't think we have gorse in the US! I've never noticed it, anyway.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Hello Solaronion,

I watched the whole video this evening. It was good. The guy (I suck at names) spoke for poly in an appealing and easygoing way, even while touching upon the broad social changes (such as universal health care) that would be needed in order to give polyamory a fair shake in this world. Not quite for beginners -- he doesn't really come out and formally state what poly is, he kind of assumes you know that much -- I think it's an excellent presentation for people in the early stages of learning about poly, and who are going back and forth in their minds on how they feel about poly. His arguments are actually too sound for people whose heels are dug in on the stance that poly is unhealthy/immoral, those people would only get all the more defensive. In my experience, you can't convert poly's enemies with great arguments. That's a revelation they have to discover for themselves. Although I suppose it may eventually help in some cases if they find out that a close friend or family member is poly.

Just some wandering thoughts,
Kevin T.
Just a note that there is no indication this influencer IDs as a guy, or uses "he/him" pronouns. I'd guess that don't since they said they were non-binary and wore "women's clothes" often.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
The American Southern Accent descends in part from the many Scots-Irish settlements founded in that region in the 1700s.
Well, I don't think US Southern accents sounded like this person at all. Their accent sounded more like the Northeastern accent to me. Interesting.

I am well aware that the US was settled by Scots and the Irish (and the English, Germans, Italians, and many others, of course). I've met Irish people and I know that their accents vary. Some sound so (northern) American to me, some don't. Of course, accents will differ town by town almost, in many countries.

I've just been binging Outlander all spring. It's so interesting that Scottish-Americans are almost more Scottish than those that never left Scotland, since they broke free from English domination and held onto their culture more. I also watch a Scottish YouTuber (Shaun) who is a world-traveler, and confirms this. It's really interesting. He also talks about the difference between the Edinburgh and Glasgow and Highlander accents.
 

Arc

Member
Oops lol thanks for the correction. I thought that didn't look right. I don't think we have gorse in the US! I've never noticed it, anyway.
In my neck of the US woods we don't have gorse, but we have invasive Scotch Broom, which looks similar to Gorse but presumably came from Scotland, not Ireland. It lines all the freeways and causes many allergies. I don't even think you can make tea out of the flower, but I guess you can use it as a broom in a pinch..
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
In my neck of the US woods we don't have gorse, but we have invasive Scotch Broom, which looks similar to Gorse but presumably came from Scotland, not Ireland. It lines all the freeways and causes many allergies. I don't even think you can make tea out of the flower, but I guess you can use it as a broom in a pinch..
When I was a florist I used to love when Scotch broom was in season and we'd get it in the shop. It was fun to work with. But it's too bad it's invasive.
 
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HaloOnFire

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