I'm in over my head

TruckerPete said:
Just remember that unlike a soap opera, real people are attached to this. ;)
Click to expand...

Point taken! I must admit, I do feel very inspired by Freetime. I have almost no relationship experience and I find myself wondering, if I should happen to end up in a poly relationship (deliberately or otherwise), will I struggle with these same feelings? I guess there's an alpha personality inside me that wants to rise up to the challenge and deliberately go looking for a poly relationship (and I love the idea of having not just one, but a group of people who are like family to me, know all of my secrets, and can support me and be supported by me).

But after reading Freetime's thread I am also cautious. I can't predict in advance what emotions I might experience, and it might end up being tougher than I had imagined. I hope that you are doing well, Freetime, and you should know that you've got another fan who is cheering for you to succeed!
 
Thanks, PussNBoots. Life's good right now, real good.

I'm currently having a drink and smoking a Montecristo, pondering just how different my life is today from where this all began. I wouldn't trade a single day of the pain, fear, uncertainty or tears for an easier journey, because what I have today is a life being lived as it was meant to be.. Filled with real joy and amazement at the people entering my life. I still have moments of sudden unexpected sadness, but it's just part of letting go and growing up.

I have had moments so intense, so filled with love, kindness, and an intimacy I have dearly missed.

I have some very basic rules I live by today. Here they are.

Don't stop
Never back up
Don't slow down
Always forward

I'm having this tattooed on my left forearm, by the way.

Not exactly a safe way to go about this, but the only thing I got playing it safe was a sorrow-filled and lonely existence. So... yeah, fuck it.

This may all crash and burn to the ground next week. I may implode tomorrow, but at least I'll do so feeling like a human being experiencing my life to its fullest. I have such a long way to go, but I have hope that maybe, just maybe, I'll finally be able to stand in the sunlight and say, I get it. I belong.

Stop by anytime, I'll pour us both a drink and we can talk some more about this odd walk into polyamory.

Be well,
Freetime

P.S. TP, I'd marry you right now. Is that a crush?
 
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Mono man

Freetime asked why people are wondering about his having two girlfriends. I replied maybe it's because your posts go something like this:

I'm mono
me mono
Really, I'm mono
I'm absolutely mono
Just call me mono guy
It's impossible to be more mono than me
mono mono mono, etc.

Oops, I now have two girlfriends... ;)
 
SpiritGirl said:
Freetime asked why people are wondering about his having two girlfriends. I replied maybe it's because your posts go something like this:

I'm mono
me mono
Really, I'm mono
I'm absolutely mono
Just call me mono guy
It's impossible to be more mono than me
mono mono mono etc.

Oops I now have two girlfriends...;)
Click to expand...

<giggle>

Yeah, it's like they materialized from nowhere. You just beamed them on board and our heads are still spinning!
 
SpiritGirl said:
I'm mono
me mono
Really, I'm mono
I'm absolutely mono
Just call me mono guy
It's impossible to be more mono than me
mono mono mono etc.

Oops, I now have two girlfriends...
Click to expand...

This is great! I'm glad too, because there's only room for one really really mono man on here.
 
SpiritGirl said:
Freetime asked why people are wondering about his having two girlfriends. I replied maybe it's because your posts go something like this:

I'm mono
me mono
Really, I'm mono
I'm absolutely mono
Just call me mono guy
It's impossible to be more mono than me
mono mono mono etc.

Oops I now have two girlfriends...;)
Click to expand...

Wow. I am actually glad for the summary, I haven't been keeping up, and the hoopla about this has been intriguing from afar. I am happy for a better understanding. haha

It's amazing how easy poly is to understand once you figure out you can do non-monogamy. haha
 
Re: In over my head

Freetime,

I am new to all of this also (as in the last 5 days). I came across this forum and your post and spent the last few days reading through your journey and progress over the last 90+ days. Many times, reading your posts, along with the very insightful, compassionate support and advice from the others on here such as RP, II, TP, etc., I had tears streaming down my face. :eek:

My wife is the one who brought up the possibility of polyamory. To say the least, it rocked my little world when I first started reading up on it. But stumbling upon your journey and reading what others had to say, I was realizing that this is a journey about self, letting go and confronting our own fears and issues as we rewrite our boundaries. It is really about enjoying life to the fullest with absolute love and joy, being happy and fulfilled.

That is the reason my wife approached me about this. I'm realizing I need to be conscious of my life and that all things are possible. I've closed myself off for way too long. Reading your posts, I literally felt like Rip Van Winkle waking up for the first time from a very long slumber. Many of your issues, fears and concerns really resonated with me, and I'm sure others, as they first ventured into poly.

I've read the 12 Pillars of Polyamory and really understand and embrace the idea of Authenticity, Honesty, Truth, Communication, etc. I've been feeling NRE just from reading as much as I can to understand this.

Am I scared? ABSOLUTELY! Am I excited about the possibilities of what our lives (my wife's and mine) can be? ABSOLUTELY!

We have been married for 12 yrs, together for 16. We have no kids, so there is really nothing holding us back from enjoying life to its fullest except ourselves. (Probably more me than her.) I've put up a lot of barriers over the years and it feels good to start breaking them down.

I'm rambling at this point, but do want to say that we are new at looking into this, so we are going to go very slow. I'm really looking forward to a much deeper intimate connection with my wife and others in my life!

I did have a question, though. Since you have gone to the poly side, and I have read your other thread, I was curious as to how are things going with your primary, now that you have two gfs. I know Tess is everything to you. I know you are buzzing over the NRE. But a quick update on how you and Tess are doing would be great!

I'm sure I will be posting much more, as time progresses, with many questions, fears and/or issues I will be encountering. I am looking forward to the feedback and advice.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I appreciate any feedback as we start this journey.

FreeTheMind
 
Be gentle with yourself as you go through the emotional turmoil. Remember you're creating one of the biggest changes a relationship can go through. The best thing I did was post here, so that others could help and guide me.

Be gentle with your wife.

If I could change just one thing, it would be the anger and fear I expressed towards her. The feelings were completely normal, taking them out on Tess was not. I'm ashamed of how I behaved with her.

Walk this journey with your head up and a smile on your face. You may be surprised by what happens.

Be well, FYM, and welcome to the party. I'll save you a seat in the sunlight.

Freetime
 
How are T and I doing...

now that I have two gfs? Great! Tess is amazing, and very loving, not only of me, but also of FHC and Tilly. Holding hands with my wife and my girlfriend at the same time is a mind-bending experience, and one I recommend to any and all.

I've spent time with Tess & Tilly, with Tess & Feedhercandy, but not yet with Tilly and FHC, or with all three together. I am not sure I would live through the experience, but I am looking forward to it. Life without risk is a life wasted.

I'm a simple man, with simple needs and desires. But every day, love, gentleness and forgiveness must be present, if this is going to work.
 
Thank you for your response FT!

Thank you so much for responding, Freetime.

I will remember this, and will be conscious of being gentle with myself and with my T.

I really connected with a lot of the same thoughts and feelings you have been going through, and I continue to. This has not been easy for me, but your words about walking this journey with my head held up and a smile on my face gives me confidence to do this!

We have only been discussing and reading about this, but the emotional turmoil it has created in me has been profound. It has really made me take a look at myself and what I want. I guess one difference between you and me is that, instead of my wife just wanting to be poly, I do too.

I will be posting on here, as I have seen how the others have helped and continue to help guide you on your journey.

I will start a new thread so as not to hijack yours. As my wife and I move along this path, I will be reaching out to everyone who has walked this journey before me.

Thank you. I will take you up on that seat you are saving me in the sunlight!

FTM
 
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