Hi, Sorry I don't know if this is the right place to come, to but I figured you would all have a much better understanding and be able to help. My partner is poly, but I'm not, and I'm really struggling with her seeing other people. I don't want to lose her, because she really is the love of my life, and we just connect on a higher level. But I know seeing others makes her happy. I just need some help navigating, because this is all very new to me, and I don't know what to do to help us work as a couple.
Im not Poly but my partner is
- Thread starter Georgie95
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Hello Georgie95,
There is such a thing as a mono/poly relationship, people do have such relationships and navigate them successfully. It is challenging though, you will certainly have to rise to a whole new level of compromise and communication. Does your partner know how you feel? You need to think about what your needs are. What would it take for you to be okay with her poly side of the relationship? I don't mean that as a rhetorical question, it's something you should really consider. I hope Polyamory.com can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
There is such a thing as a mono/poly relationship, people do have such relationships and navigate them successfully. It is challenging though, you will certainly have to rise to a whole new level of compromise and communication. Does your partner know how you feel? You need to think about what your needs are. What would it take for you to be okay with her poly side of the relationship? I don't mean that as a rhetorical question, it's something you should really consider. I hope Polyamory.com can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Welcome!
The mono/poly configuration is pretty common. We have had discussions on this since 2009. If you go here to a list of archived threads, you can scan down to find threads regarding monogamy in a poly network.
You can also do a search on "mono/poly," and/or "jealousy," using our search function, to learn from people's mistakes and successes!
In a nutshell, there is no reason to be jealous in polyamory, because jealousy is caused by a fear of loss. A poly person wants multiple partners, so they aren't going to dump one partner when they get a new one automatically. Of course (some/many), relationships do end from mere incompatibility, but since you say you two connect on a deep soul level, it sounds good.
You might be envious of her time away, and long for more time together, as you might have in a conventional mono/mono relationship. If you desire more time, you can request it and talk it over. Be open with your needs and desires. But be prepared for "no."
Generally, monos who are happy dating polys are the more independent sort. One of my partners has a mono bf, her co-primary, and he's content being mono and just seeing her when she's available.