Hey everyone. I'm sure many if not all of you have probably felt this way at some point.
I've felt for a long time - years - that what I wanted was some kind of poly or open relationship. Exactly how that looks I'm not sure. But I know monogamy isn't right for me.
This week I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years because she didn't see things in this way or understand them in the way that I do.
I feel like I've done the right thing because we're incompatible in that way.
But since breaking up, I've spoken to her on the phone a couple of times, thinking that will help her in some way, but it just leaves me feeling worse off.
She's convinced that there's something wrong with me. Something that needs to be fixed or counselled or something. That this lifestyle I envision can't create true love or happiness. That the intimacy we had won't just be multiplied if there's more than two people. She also believes, because of those things, that I'll even be causing my family hurt and distress because they'll never see me happy.
It's just tough to listen to and to hear. Even though I know, and I feel within me that this is what I want. What I need.
I've said to a few people in the past few days that what I'm feeling almost feels like somebody in the 80s might have if they were gay.
That the world didn't understand what they feel, and wasn't able to accept those feelings to be true, or real, or just okay to feel.
My ex even said along those lines "how can the whole world be wrong and you be right?"
I know it's not the whole world. Because all of you exist. I know there are people out there who live this way and who feel these things too.
That's why I joined the forum. To hear from and know that people do exist like me.
I hope I didn't bore anyone with the details. I just wanted to share in a place that I felt would understand.
I know it's going to be harder for me to find someone - to find people - who want to live and love the way that I do and I accept that. It's just difficult when there's so much doubt being thrown at you from so many directions.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to listen if you got this far. I appreciate it.
I've felt for a long time - years - that what I wanted was some kind of poly or open relationship. Exactly how that looks I'm not sure. But I know monogamy isn't right for me.
This week I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years because she didn't see things in this way or understand them in the way that I do.
I feel like I've done the right thing because we're incompatible in that way.
But since breaking up, I've spoken to her on the phone a couple of times, thinking that will help her in some way, but it just leaves me feeling worse off.
She's convinced that there's something wrong with me. Something that needs to be fixed or counselled or something. That this lifestyle I envision can't create true love or happiness. That the intimacy we had won't just be multiplied if there's more than two people. She also believes, because of those things, that I'll even be causing my family hurt and distress because they'll never see me happy.
It's just tough to listen to and to hear. Even though I know, and I feel within me that this is what I want. What I need.
I've said to a few people in the past few days that what I'm feeling almost feels like somebody in the 80s might have if they were gay.
That the world didn't understand what they feel, and wasn't able to accept those feelings to be true, or real, or just okay to feel.
My ex even said along those lines "how can the whole world be wrong and you be right?"
I know it's not the whole world. Because all of you exist. I know there are people out there who live this way and who feel these things too.
That's why I joined the forum. To hear from and know that people do exist like me.
I hope I didn't bore anyone with the details. I just wanted to share in a place that I felt would understand.
I know it's going to be harder for me to find someone - to find people - who want to live and love the way that I do and I accept that. It's just difficult when there's so much doubt being thrown at you from so many directions.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to listen if you got this far. I appreciate it.