hulahoophooligan
New member
I don't know if this is the right way to go about this, I've basically just spouted all of my feelings and problems below and am hoping one of you folks could help me untangle this mess I feel that I'm in. I'm at a loss and not sure where to go.
I have a wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend who I love incredibly. Unfortunately, I had to move country for graduate school so we're apart for the unforeseeable future. We've been together for about two years, during which we ended up moving in together as well as trying an open relationship. The "rules" we set up were always quite loose, I wanted a few black and white rules whereas my partner was happy to experiment and see how things went and ended any conversation i started regarding what both of our comfort levels were. On his end, he went against some of the things I said I was uncomfortable with, which led me to get a bit anxious about the open stance of the relationship, which resulted in it's temporary closure.
The general idea was that we were allowed to fool around for the sake of fun and excitement, but not date or get emotionally involved with other people. There were some people I was uncomfortable with my partner doing this with (namely two ex girlfriends), but he went ahead and had sex with one of them several times anyway, as well as kissing one of the others.
When we decided to continue the relationship as a long-distance one, we both agreed opening the relationship again would be best. As soon as I landed in my new home, I tried to have a thought process about what it'd be like when he told me he'd slept with someone or kissed someone; to my own surprise, I wasn't too bothered by the thought, in fact I was happy that someone would be able to give him what I was in no position to.
I had an evening out with my new classmates and ended up kissing a guy there. He was lovely, it was fun. Turns out he's in my class, we ended up having sex a week later and the weekend after that. I told my partner and he said it was okay, but felt a little funny that it had happened more than once. I assured him that it was really just a sexy sex fun arrangement, and mentioned that we didn't really hang out, we just hooked up, which was very much the case at the time. I asked him if there was anything he was uncomfortable with me doing, he said he wouldn't really want me to date the guy. Similarly, I told the guy that I had a boyfriend before anything ever happened with us.
I've realised in the last few days that I do have some sort of feelings for the guy in my class. It's been a month since I met him, we barely see each other in classes but meet up for the odd coffee or lunch, and of course the hookup or two per week. He's the polar opposite to my partner.
I'm confused and feel incredibly torn. One of my main problems is the indefinite part of the long-distance relationship. While we were still together, the idea was that he could move nearby within the foreseeable future but then when we spoke the other day he was singing a one year lease for a house and thinking of switching jobs in the city he's in. I asked where he thought this was going, what the point was and he told me he loved me, loved what we're doing and said he thought we would make it work for the next few months, I'd come visit as planned, make it work for a few more months, he'd come visit then a few more months and so on. The reality is that we're on two different continents and a thirty hour plane ride away from each other with no plan to be together, i have four years of a graduate course so there's no way i can move back before that time.
Sometimes I wonder if I could be with someone who wouldn't have disrespected me and my feelings the way he did, who wasn't afraid to show me he loved me. After I told him about the new guy, he's been so much more loving and affectionate, but it bothers me that someone else on the scene was a trigger. I feel terrible about the whole situation, it's like he finally realised that I'm a good addition to his life. I feel guilty because I get butterflies when I'm around the new guy. I hate, hate to put it this way, but in a way I feel like my partner's a boy who has no plans to grow up.
I thought I'd give typing out my problem might help. I don't know, all it's done is make me cry and wonder what the fuck I'm doing. Any words of advice from those wiser would be greatly appreciated.
I have a wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend who I love incredibly. Unfortunately, I had to move country for graduate school so we're apart for the unforeseeable future. We've been together for about two years, during which we ended up moving in together as well as trying an open relationship. The "rules" we set up were always quite loose, I wanted a few black and white rules whereas my partner was happy to experiment and see how things went and ended any conversation i started regarding what both of our comfort levels were. On his end, he went against some of the things I said I was uncomfortable with, which led me to get a bit anxious about the open stance of the relationship, which resulted in it's temporary closure.
The general idea was that we were allowed to fool around for the sake of fun and excitement, but not date or get emotionally involved with other people. There were some people I was uncomfortable with my partner doing this with (namely two ex girlfriends), but he went ahead and had sex with one of them several times anyway, as well as kissing one of the others.
When we decided to continue the relationship as a long-distance one, we both agreed opening the relationship again would be best. As soon as I landed in my new home, I tried to have a thought process about what it'd be like when he told me he'd slept with someone or kissed someone; to my own surprise, I wasn't too bothered by the thought, in fact I was happy that someone would be able to give him what I was in no position to.
I had an evening out with my new classmates and ended up kissing a guy there. He was lovely, it was fun. Turns out he's in my class, we ended up having sex a week later and the weekend after that. I told my partner and he said it was okay, but felt a little funny that it had happened more than once. I assured him that it was really just a sexy sex fun arrangement, and mentioned that we didn't really hang out, we just hooked up, which was very much the case at the time. I asked him if there was anything he was uncomfortable with me doing, he said he wouldn't really want me to date the guy. Similarly, I told the guy that I had a boyfriend before anything ever happened with us.
I've realised in the last few days that I do have some sort of feelings for the guy in my class. It's been a month since I met him, we barely see each other in classes but meet up for the odd coffee or lunch, and of course the hookup or two per week. He's the polar opposite to my partner.
I'm confused and feel incredibly torn. One of my main problems is the indefinite part of the long-distance relationship. While we were still together, the idea was that he could move nearby within the foreseeable future but then when we spoke the other day he was singing a one year lease for a house and thinking of switching jobs in the city he's in. I asked where he thought this was going, what the point was and he told me he loved me, loved what we're doing and said he thought we would make it work for the next few months, I'd come visit as planned, make it work for a few more months, he'd come visit then a few more months and so on. The reality is that we're on two different continents and a thirty hour plane ride away from each other with no plan to be together, i have four years of a graduate course so there's no way i can move back before that time.
Sometimes I wonder if I could be with someone who wouldn't have disrespected me and my feelings the way he did, who wasn't afraid to show me he loved me. After I told him about the new guy, he's been so much more loving and affectionate, but it bothers me that someone else on the scene was a trigger. I feel terrible about the whole situation, it's like he finally realised that I'm a good addition to his life. I feel guilty because I get butterflies when I'm around the new guy. I hate, hate to put it this way, but in a way I feel like my partner's a boy who has no plans to grow up.
I thought I'd give typing out my problem might help. I don't know, all it's done is make me cry and wonder what the fuck I'm doing. Any words of advice from those wiser would be greatly appreciated.
