Into The Deep End

Yes, we're planning on filing the papers without a lawyer (If we can stay civil just a bit longer) but things keep conspiring to make us spend the $300 filing fee on other things, like home repairs, medicine, new renters not being able to pay rent right away, etc. I've got a contract moonlighting gig that I'm hoping I can finish and get paid for by the end of the month, but I don't know how realistic that is -- end of November at the latest.

And in the meantime, I'm really getting hit hard with the not-enough-time bug. Given we've had a good chunk of a night together at least once a week, missing out on that on Friday is... really making me sad. It's simple, but it's the best way to put it. We got to see each other a bit last night, yes... and sitting and talking was great... and in-car makeouts were great... I missed having her lying next to me, watching a movie. Or just lying and talking. And the chances of seeing each other before Friday again are slim to none.


So, in an attempt to cheer myself up, here's an oddly funny story. I recently started a Reddit account. I guess I'm decent at giving advice there, but I've also tried to not out who I am since I guess a large number of locals post there. Also, to try and feel a bit more free to express myself. I figure...

Okay, my logic was that if I want to see if I can do poly, then there's a series of small steps I need to cover. I've already accepted Light's lifestyle. The question is, could I do the same sort of thing? Is it possible the only reason I identify as monoagamous is because I simply have never considered the alternative? Well, I figure step one: Can I flirt with someone without feeling guilty? I figured to find out, flirt with someone online (because it's faster, more convenient, and real life doesn't have a 'block' button). So I start flirting with someone on Reddit. Who flirts back, but is a lesbian who just likes flirting with anyone for the witty responses. So I'm thinking, okay, so even I manage to get a critical success on my Flirt roll (I warned you, Huge Nerd here) nothing would happen.

And... it was fun. No worries, no guilt, and I honestly can't remember the last time I flirted with someone I wasn't already in a relationship with, so... yeah, that worked out well.

... and then Light texts me and asks "Is <redditname> you?" Apparently she knows my personality well enough to tell it was me. Which is touching. :) Annnd then she tells me the person I'm flirting with is local, and I'm now scheduled for a poly-meetup next month where I will now wind up meeting the person I was flirting with.

... still no guilt about it. Just lots of awkwardness. So... y'know, par for the course this last month or so.

So... yeah. I'm sitting here feeling lonely and glad I have you folks to 'talk' to. I've got as much of my project done as I can right now; need client feedback before I can continue, so that's at a pause right now. And I think I'm out of websites to read. But I don't want to sleep yet. So... ah, well.
 
Your flirting has looped around to bite you in the behind. :) Luckily it is a love bite, so enjoy the teeth marks.

They say we're all a little gay ... Maybe we're all a little poly too? ;)

Hope you got some sleep there feller.
 
kdt26417 said:
They say we're all a little gay ... Maybe we're all a little poly too? ;)
Click to expand...

That's the theory. It's like a modified Joker thing... there was this story, The Killing Joke, where the Joker tries to get Commissioner Gordan to break and kill him. His theory is that anyone, even the best of us, can be a lunatic killer if they just have the right trigger. Well... that's my theory for a lot of things. I'm not bi, because I've just never found a guy I'm attracted to. I'm not a vegetarian, because I found meat I like (It strikes me this is the opposite of the previous statement in a way). I was never a fan of country music or rap, but I've found some country songs and some rap songs that I like.

So, by that theory... I won't know if I'm poly or not until I give it a shot. But in the interest of messing with myself (or anyone else) as little as possible... baby steps. Could I flirt with someone online without guilt? Yes. Could I do it face to face? Don't know. Would I set up an OKC profile? Well, no, but I never had one before either. Would I set up a date with someone? Don't know. But there's no rush to find out, and at least I know I have a good online community to talk me through things, and I appear to have a good real-life one as well... I just need to find the time to connect with it. Not-quite-divorced monogamous-dad scheduling is even harder to work around than poly scheduling it seems.
 
...

Operation "Try flirting online and see if I'm okay with it" is on hold until further notice.

Most recent subject's last message was "My folks are making me go to bed now so I don't miss class. Again."

...

I'm hoping they're just really protective of their investment of paying college tuition. Had to be. No high-schooler can converse -that- well on changes in literary themes over the last few decades. Can they?

Argh. Let's just chalk that up as a bad idea and just decide to Indy it if the situation ever comes up.
 
Okay. I spent some time thinking. This usually means I do something stupid, so I'm gonna just word-vomit here until I get it out of my system.

First off, I'm finding something extremely strange. I'm perfectly fine with Light's husband. I do, however, find I have severe jealousy issues over her friend. She sees him every Thursday, goes to his house, spends time with his wife and daughter... the brief bit we've talked about it, she said "I... don't know what we are. I know XXXX is my husband, I've known you're my boyfriend since we started dating... but I don't know what YYYY is."

For all I know, nothing is happening to get jealous about. But I do know he's the link that connects her to the rest of the polycule, so... I'm assuming there's stuff happening. It just feels like she's... not hiding anything, so much as just not really mentioning anything except for the one time I've specificly asked about it. And the very few times she turns her phone off is when she's with him. So I'm assuming something's going on that she thinks would hurt me if I knew. Which... yeah, kinda spiral there when I think about it too much.

And what's worse is... I feel this way now... how am I going to feel when I actually have free time on Thursdays instead of watching my son? When I actually have the ability to be with her... but can't because she's with him? And why the fuck do I not feel this way about her husband?

Anyway, since I suck at segues, speaking of when I have free time... I know my current separation-divorce-limbo thing is the source of a lot of my stress. I'm getting cabin fever with three adults in the house and only one vehicle, and with the wife spending more time with her boyfriend, I wind up watching the kid a lot, since I can't go anywhere anyway... getting one date a week is driving me nuts when I just want to be with her constantly. And part of me i scared for when the day comes, when the wife moves out, takes my son with her... and instead of having one night a week I can get out, I suddenly have the entire week available... and only two nights with her? Three at most?

I've been a shut-in most of my life. Not antisocial so much as just asocial. I... suddenly crave a social life. I have this amazing woman in my life... and I want to date. I want to go... go do stuff. And the part of me that's still a bit mono is seeing these feeling and struggling against them for all it's worth. And what's worse is... since I -can't- get out more right now, it's starting to feel like it's winning.

I'm sick and tired of the wait, y'know? I don't know if I can do this polyamory thing or if I'm stuck as being mono and in love with someone I want to dedicate my life to but can't, or something in between... but what's worse is that I -can't- -figure- -it- -out- -right- -now-. I don't have the ability to. I can't schedule a date for when she's busy, or hang out with people from the far end of the 'cule and try to see how I fit in. I'm stuck in this house that doesn't feel like mine with a family that doesn't feel like mine.

And I am going fucking nuts. Not just mentally, not just emotionally, but physically. And I know tomorrow, it'll all go away while I'm with her... only to slowly start coming back. I need to find a better of dealing with it than reminding myself things will be changing soon. 'cause soon isn't soon enough.

tl;dr: I want to be free to be me again. I'm just not sure who I am, and I'm tired of waiting to find out.
 
Re:
"I'm assuming something's going on that she thinks would hurt me if I knew."
Click to expand...

Why are you assuming? Ask her straight up and get the bad news over with.

As for the divorce proceedings, it sucks that you can't speed up that process, but I don't see how you can.

Will an online social life do as a substitute while you're waiting?
 
kdt26417 said:
Why are you assuming? Ask her straight up and get the bad news over with.
Click to expand...

Because reasons. Firstly... well, he was there first. Secondly, I know I'd probably wind up overreacting when I really shouldn't. It shouldn't -be- bad news. And third... I'm aware I have trust issues. I'm aware they've only become worse over the course of my marriage. I need to work on that. And I figure... if I -can- trust that she'll let me know if it ever becomes important, then I should -try-.

And an online social life is pretty much all I've got right now. A few forums. A few games. That's... about it. I used to pretty much live online. It figures I decide I want the real world -now- and not, like, back in college or something.


EDIT: I had what I call a 'Fuck the world' night. Screw everything; I went for a walk. In the dark. Along unlit bike paths. Near a river. And it was glorious. I don't care if she texts me or not tonight; I don't care if anyone needs to talk to me; I was mostly alone in the dark for an hour and a half in beautiful weather, music in my ears, and all was right with the world, because I couldn't see the path in front of me and I didn't care, I was still walking it. I gotta do this more often.
 
Last edited:
Sounds like a "Fuck the World Night" is just what the doctor ordered.

I won't argue with your reasons but I think it's a mistake to bottle a burning question in. On the other hand I'm not in the situation so I don't have the best knowledge about what will or won't work. I just don't believe in avoiding or delaying things, that's all I'm saying.

The divorce isn't going to happen for awhile, but it's going to happen, and after it does, then you can go out and enjoy all the streetlife you want. The key is to keep in perspective the fact that this is a temporary situation. Make the best of it for now while keeping your eye on the prize.

That and a few bucks is worth a Starbucks.
 
Had a great date night last night. Except I can't eat fried food after one in the morning anymore. I'm getting old.

Took a walk this afternoon; wandered downtown; ran into Light and Hubby randomly on the sidewalk. Hugged her, then got hug from him as well. I'm... I dunno. Happy? Even though I don't really know a lot about him... and it's all come from her... the fact he's obviously accepting of me and my place in things is a huge... thing... I use 'thing' too much. It's a thing.

And in a nice little twist, it turns out the girl I was semi-flirting with who turned out to only be 17 has a lot of the same issues I did at that age depression-wise and I've now become a bit of an advice-giving mentor. So, y'know, that ended far better than it could have.

All in all, it's being a nice day. Just wish I had a little more money, I'd love to go do something with my son tonight. Besides sit and play videogames. Ah, well.
 
Last edited:
I appear to be getting a reputation on another forum for dispensing good advice. I hope they never find this blog, 'cause they'll realize how much of that I'm just winging, and how desperate I am to figure things out myself...

So. A couple minor revelations today. Due to reasons, the wife took the son out for a picnic afternoon with her boyfriend and his two kids. Which left me the afternoon alone. And I found I didn't want to be alone. So, I did some errands and spent an hour, hour and a half with Light and her husband, who in the spirit of nicknames I will call Chill, 'cause he's way more chill about things that I figure I would be. Granted, he's got an amazing wife and two girlfriends who appear to be great for him, so maybe that's his secret to being so chill. Anyway. Spent some time over there, just hanging out and chatting and whatnot. Being social. Made my day. Especially since, due to scheduling things, we -might- get in a date on Tuesday, but other than that, nothing until possibly well into November. Or a week into November. Or whatever -- it'll be the first weekend we don't see each other.

This lead to Revelation #1. This is, essentially, the world's closest long-distance relationship. I've been part of LDRs before. Tho the reasons for not being together constantly are different, they're still there. It's almost exactly the same as living four hours apart and only seeing each other once a week because of that. With the exception of occasional random meetings, which are nice, but can hardly be counted upon. LDRs, you have to rely on communication more than being face-to-face. Which explains the reason why my phone claims I use over 50% of my battery time on texting in the last month.

And that sort of fed in to Revelation #2. I've mentioned some of this before, but with every woman I've fallen in love with... I've pretty much known within a half-day of meeting them that I was falling. Previous girlfriends, my wife, Light, even in cases where we'd talked beforehand, it wasn't until meeting and feeling the sparks that I knew if we were or weren't going to be together. The difference here is... before, those sparks were so strong, we pretty much bypassed dating and went straight to living together. Not, y'know, literally, but to the point where dates would be 'dinner and back to my/your place'. And the exact same thing is happening here, except due to various scheduling... instead of doing that almost every day, we can only do it once a week. Maybe twice if we're lucky. It's like how if you go to your favorite restaurant too often, you start not liking it as much because you get used to it? Well... we can't. So it's not. Which is kinda cool.

Random thought that I just had, based on that analogy. Think of a chinese buffet. You go to the buffet, you have all these dishes to choose from. You take what you want, go sit back down with your friends. You've got that one friend who always gets the General's Chicken, nothing else. You've got people who lean towards the fried foods, of the vegetarian dishes, or whatever. But you sit and while you eat, you talk about your food. People understand more why you get that food. Maybe you sample someone else's plate. Maybe someone else tries some of that spicy pork that you seem to be the only one who likes it. And then, when plates are empty... you go back up. Maybe you get the same food. Maybe you don't. Maybe you get some of the same, some different. Doesn't matter. The point is, you're all have a good time.

The guy who always gets General's Chicken? That's the monogamous guy. Everyone else is poly at the buffet of love. Me? I'm the guy who looks awkward and says he'd already eaten 'cause he didn't know we were going to a buffet... and is debating on if he can eat something more without it disagreeing with him later. I've decided I can try some of this amazing coconut shrimp that Chill says is so great he'd marry it. Now I have to decide... am I still hungry? 'cause everyone else seems to really be enjoying their food.
 
This post is about the other end of my life right now, my STBX.

I could go into our history here, but the short version is that we both tried to be different people, and in the end we slowly reverted back to ourselves and we really had nothing in common... and we kinda refused to let go long past when we should have. So, about six months ago, we decided to separate; the only reason we're not divorced is that it's expensive and we're saving up for it.

A minor irony: At one point we considered an open marriage as an attempt to save things, but I wasn't okay with that. It's part of why this last month has involved a lot of soul-searching for me... but I'm digressing.

Anyway, I'm not an idiot. My wife has been making up for lost time since we split. And partially that has involved reconnecting with an old high-school flame. And breaking up. And getting together again. Annnd now breaking up again. And since she needed an adult to talk to about it... I got elected. I was okay with them being together; I now want to kill him. Or at least beat him. But that's besides the point. I now know... well, more details about her sex life than I really needed to. Flings. Attempted threesomes. Plans for a party coming up this week. The kind of stuff that, if six-months-ago me knew, I'd probably go off the deep end for a while.

... and I'm pretty much okay with it. Normally, hearing "Yeah, I set up a threesome for his birthday... but the day before he really screwed up, so I just slept with her and sent him pictures to show him how badly he fucked up" would have me wallowing in misery. Now? I was half-tempted to ask for the pictures. I mean... hell, as long as she was having a good time, right?

... I'm not sure if this is compersion or not. Whatever it is, it's very strange.

In any case, the whole conversation started due to... well, something that would very much be personally-identifying. But it means I might be able to get some extra time this week to socialize, which is a good thing. We'll see.
 
I don't usually post via my phone. But earlier today at work, I had a sad, and I want to get it typed out while it's still fresh. My apologies for any autocorrect-caused typos, I'll try to edit them later.

We had a date night last night; dinner, her favorite movie that I'dnever seen, sexytimes, etc. And as always... Happiness. Just sheer contentment. How she smells. The feel of her pulse in her arm when it's resting against my chest that amazingly adorable smirk-smile. Perfection. And then... I had to leave.

We both work, both have to wake up, and so I had to leave. And today, I realized... That's how it's going to be, for a long time. I'll always have to leave. I can't spend the night there without meta our issues, and after the yelling fit a couple weeks ago she's not comfortable in my house while STBX is there. So there will be leaving. Always leaving. And more than that... A lot of things I e always wanted to do are off the table. Not talking about kids -- one is enough, thank you. But things like... I dunno. Short-notice vacations, debating furniture, both of us rolling over to grab phones to call in sick and rolling back to each other. Not gonna happen.

I'm in this weird quasi-dating quasi-something-else limbo. And i know, it's this or nothing -- and I don't want the nothing, so I should stop whining about it. I guess part of me didn't quite from what I was giving up. I know, I know, I could find someone with whom those things are all possible... But right now, I can't fathom that being possible. Or maybe I dont want to. I don't know.

I'm starting to hope the day comes soon where I'm self-assured enough to say, "okay, let's do this, let's get a date, I can do poly". 'Cause don't get me wrong, this may be one of the best relationships of my life -- but the downsides to being the mono side of it are starting to become more apparent.
 
So. I may have screwed up tonight. Not the relationship, but something tangentially related. Also some good news from a previous night. I'll do more when not on my phone. But I may have alienated her friends... Which sucks because they're great people I'd love to get to know better.
 
Okay, got my laptop back. So, we'll start with today and work back to last night.

Halloween. A party with some of the local polys; and more important, people Light considers friends. This means I feel it is very important to make a good impression. I resolve not to be my normal self. Typically, at a party where I don't know people, I sit in a corner and watch, observe, analyze, decide who to talk to, who to respond to, etc. Going into tonight, I resolve not to do that; I will be outgoing, I will start conversations, not just react when spoken to; I will smile; I will not stand off to the side, but try to be in the middle; I will remember that these tend to be touchy-feeling people and I will not flinch away from hugs.

Some of that lasted for all of five minutes. Some never happened at all. I was quiet, I was off to the side, I mostly spoke only when spoken too. I sat and observed like Jane fucking Goodall observing the chimps and hoping to be accepted into the tribe somehow. To put it bluntly, I failed almost every goal I had for the night beyond "Be introduced to a bunch of people."

I'm trying to remind myself, these are all people who have known each other for a long time, and in ways more intimate than I'm used to. Between the polys and the kinksters, I am the most boring person in the room, and probably one of the three oldest. Even tho I live online, memes I've never heard of get referenced and flung around. There is hugging and laughing and groping and feeding and I'm just sitting in the corner trying my best not to let on that despite every intention to -not- be me... I'm me, and I very obviously do not fit in with these people that I find myself desperately wishing I could be like.

I may be overreacting. It may be in my head. Light says she thought I did well; we share a lot of the same social reactions, and even she had to step outside a couple times for fresh air and a break from the chaos. And in the end, when we had to leave due to Light needing to wake up early tomorrow... Part of me wanted to stay. To keep trying. Hell, to have a drink and see if it would loosen me up. But in the end... I went home.

You see, it's Halloween. It's my son's birthday. And I went to the party instead of trick-or-treating so that he could have another friend in the van with him instead of me and his mother taking up the front seats, arguing the whole night. I felt like shit making that call, but I figured... if the party goes well, then it would be worth it. And it didn't. Now, for the first time since I met her... I feel I made the wrong call. I regret spending time with Light tonight because I feel the impression I left with her friends was "That awkward guy who didn't want to be here" instead of "Yeah, we should invite him again next time, he was fun".

Which, y'know, sucks. Because they're a part of her life, and as I said earlier... I've become acutely aware that there are parts of her life I simply can't be a part of, no matter how much I want to be. This was a chance to be part of this part of her life... and possibly get insight into how to deal with the times without her.


Okay, so, I said there was some good bits too. We had been texting for a bit last night, and we've basicly both come to the realization that this... whatever we're feeling... it's not just NRE. And it's different from anything either of us has felt for anyone else. I've been in love. Moved halfway across the country for someone. Gotten married. And this is... somehow, it's stronger than any of that. I'm pretty sure it would take an Act of God to get me to consider leaving her... and even then I'd rail against it.

I'm now accepting the fact I have no idea what I'm doing, and am probably very ill-suited to the path I've chosen to walk. But this is the best path if I want to get to my destination.
 
In case my opinion helps, I think you're second-guessing your performance at the Halloween party. If you had acted like someone other than yourself, you would have set a precedent that would have been a PITA to maintain in the future.

What matters in my opinion is that you were in attendance. I think you will find that it pays off if you'll attend future parties with that same group of people as well. Little by little, people will become familiar and comfortable with seeing you there, you'll become more familiar and comfortable with their company, and they'll start approaching you and/or you'll start approaching them.

Light says she thought you did well. Trust her judgment and sincerity enough to believe her.
 
Light had a family thing most of the weekend. When she got back tonight, we did a date; dinner and coffee and talking. It was cute and sweet and damned near perfect.

About an hour after getting home, I get a text that she just dropped her phone. Cracked screen. Can't type some letters, can't read some parts of the screen. Texting has been our main source of communication even before we started dating. And worse, she doesn't have the budget for a replacement. She's... really not taking it well. I've tried to find someone with a replacement we can borrow, tried to find cheap repair places, possible warrenty replacements, etc...

But it boils down to, she feels terrible, and I can't do anything to make her feel better right now. She's on the other side of the city; it's a long enough drive that it isn't gonna happen tonight. And I... every option I have for contacting her or trying to make her feel better involves stepping on Chill's toes. I have to just sort of... I guess hope he can help her to stop feeling sad. I haven't been around them enough as a couple to know how they handle little mini-crisises like this. I know what happened when STBX broke her phone a couple months after buying it; luckily I had a spare from upgrading my own. But couples still stress when a $500 piece of stuff gets broken. I just have to hope they handle the stress well.

And hope that, somehow, we get our main line of communication back. It's hard to believe how dependent we are on these little boxes of chips and wires we carry in our pockets.
 
billypi said:
Light had a family thing most of the weekend. When she got back tonight, we did a date; dinner and coffee and talking. It was cute and sweet and damned near perfect.

About an hour after getting home, I get a text that she just dropped her phone. Cracked screen. Can't type some letters, can't read some parts of the screen. Texting has been our main source of communication even before we started dating. And worse, she doesn't have the budget for a replacement. She's... really not taking it well. I've tried to find someone with a replacement we can borrow, tried to find cheap repair places, possible warrenty replacements, etc...

But it boils down to, she feels terrible, and I can't do anything to make her feel better right now. She's on the other side of the city; it's a long enough drive that it isn't gonna happen tonight. And I... every option I have for contacting her or trying to make her feel better involves stepping on Chill's toes. I have to just sort of... I guess hope he can help her to stop feeling sad. I haven't been around them enough as a couple to know how they handle little mini-crisises like this. I know what happened when STBX broke her phone a couple months after buying it; luckily I had a spare from upgrading my own. But couples still stress when a $500 piece of stuff gets broken. I just have to hope they handle the stress well.

And hope that, somehow, we get our main line of communication back. It's hard to believe how dependent we are on these little boxes of chips and wires we carry in our pockets.
Click to expand...

When my husband's girlfriend broke her screen, it was fairly easy for them to replace themselves (my husband and his girlfriend) and it only cost about $40 for all the tools and the screen itself. You might want to look into if that's possible with her type of phone.
 
In this case, the phone was a top-of-the-line one that just came out this year. Apparently they've found an old Android to replace it for now and are working on getting it repaired, but it involves mailing and stuff. But communication has been restored.

Of course, the whole thing lead to a bit of a depressive attack, combined with something Chill had said to her... it was the one night that I really, really could have used a direct line to her, and didn't have it.

Today, I was home sick. Had a bad night of tossing and turning and stomachaches. Possibly because I was worried about stuff. But I was drifting in and out of sleep all morning and into the afternoon. I... get weird, when I don't sleep well. There's a good dozen Reddit comments and a handful of texts I don't remember sending. I fell asleep while texting and woke up to a half-finished reply to something. And...

... you ever realize you've grown close enough to someone that you can tell their frame of mine just through text? Maybe it's word choice, maybe it's a change in or lack of punctuation, maybe it's just a feeling you have, but you can see the look on someone's face as you read the message they send you? Light was still depressed, which is a state I know far too much about. Chill had said something that really got to her, and I tried my best to mediate things. In the end, I convinced her to talk to him about it, and it sounds like everything worked out okay.

A couple hours later, the little voice in the back of my head... the one that I hate the fact it exists, nevermind that I have to listen to it... says "Dude. You had a prime chance there to try to drive a wedge between them. If he fucks things up, you are -right- -there-. Why the hell did you -help-?"

It's the same little voice that told me there was no way I could ever handle this relationship without getting jealous or self-destructing. The same voice that... well, it has a lot of bad ideas. Occasionally a good one. But never one I feel good about afterwards. The voice that goes away when I'm with her.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. I think I've narrowed down why this feels so different from any other relationship I've had. It's because of how we think alike. We have completely different backgrounds, different situations... but our personalities, how we think, is amazingly similar. Seeing something and instantly making the same joke. Making references and being happy that the other gets them instead of having to explain it. As she put it, "Being able to use big words instead of thinking about everything you say to sub in things easier to understand." I've never really liked myself. But if she likes me... and we think so much alike... well, maybe I can like me, too. And maybe I've already started.

I still don't know about this whole poly thing. Don't know if it's for me. Part of me thinks I'll never find anyone else like her, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone else i I tried. Part of me is scared that I will; if feeling this way about one person messes me up this much, could I handle feeling this way about two? Maybe I'm best off with a really time-consuming hobby. Whatever the case... there's not much point in thinking about it too much. Whatever happens, won't happen until the divorce is final and people move out and I have more time. But whatever happens, whatever I choose, I know she'll support me. And that... that's all I need right now.
 
billypi said:
About an hour after getting home, I get a text that she just dropped her phone. Cracked screen. Can't type some letters, can't read some parts of the screen.
Click to expand...

UGH! Between cracked screens and water damage(teenager's phone) I think I've been living at the repair store, luckily they are good and reasonably priced. The husband canceled our home phone a few months back, so having a teenager at home with no phone for emergencies is quite disconcerting. I'm doing the craigslist search to find one cheaper than getting one from the manufacture. We really have become a slave to these crazy devices.

Part of me thinks I'll never find anyone else like her, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone else i I tried.
Click to expand...

Of course you won't - she is one of a kind and it is unfair to try. Now, there MIGHT be some one else that makes you have similar "feelings" and there is no harm in seeking that. There is also no rule that says you have to seek anyone else, just because she is poly doesn't mean you need multiple partners.
 
SNeacail said:
There is also no rule that says you have to seek anyone else, just because she is poly doesn't mean you need multiple partners.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I know. But as has been pointed out to me by several people... Once my STBX and son move out, I'm going to have a lot more free time, and be very lonely when I realize Light can't be with me constantly. So it's date, or find a really time-consuming hobby. 'Cause I've decided I don't like being lonely.

Still time to think about it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top