Introducing Me

[dot.2.dot]

Hello. I’m dot or dottie, 52, new to Kansas City, and back on the road to singlehood (if that was the word). I have four boys and 3 grandkids.

I got an introduction to polyamory via my first Dom in BDSM. Ironically, my second Dom was also. In the process, I have done much reading and learning, about polyamory and myself. Can’t take a quiz just yet but can hold a short conversation.

Even after two years of exposure, I still wobble on the fence. I suspect most of it is fear considering I’ve never been good with change (thank you Aspie brain).

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi Dottie! Welcome to the world of polyamory and to our board.

I too became single at about your age after a decades-long relationship (married right out of college) and 3 kids. My ex h and I started dabbling in polyamory in 1999 but I myself didn't start really practicing it until after he and I separated in 2008.

Transitions are hard for most people, but I know neuro-diverse people can have an even harder time. What do you do to make transitions easier on you in your life in general? How do you retain a sense of safety and security? Maybe having trust in and the help of a worthwhile Dom can be one tool.

One phrase I like (despite not being religious) is, When god closes a door, she opens a window, but you do have to turn around to see the window!

Going through that window can lead to a new and hopefully better stage of life, with more richness, more adventure, a larger sense of self and more satisfaction. It sure did for me, and I hope the same for you.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings dottie,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Welcome from a fellow Aspie, change is hard for me too so I sympathize. It sounds like you are not totally new to polyamory, you have done your homework and just haven't yet decided whether poly is right for you. I hope Polyamory.com can help you in making that determination, polyamory is okay, and monogamy is okay too! Let us know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!

 

[dot.2.dot]

Thank you both for the welcomes.

What do you do to make transitions easier on you in your life in general? How do you retain a sense of safety and security?

A transition for places and events are easier than personal/in my mind types. I can visit places while empty...meet people ahead of time before something big, or if those aren't options, I simply have to give myself time for "recovery" afterward. I can't seem to stop the repercussions of change on my mind or body and will spent two or three days following an event (sometimes even if I've attempted to prepare) being sad, crying, angry, etc. alone until it passes. Personally, I think safety and security are an illusion. The people I've loved and trusted the most have been the biggest threats leaving me unbelieving of the possibility.

 

[Jimmmm]

Hello, and welcome, Dot! Yes, singlehood is a perfectly fine word. *smiling*

I agree with Magdlyn. Transition can be traumatic, but often lead (sometimes in the loooong run) to growth and improvement.

I have had a neurodivergent partner, which taught me a lot. I am a big fan of neurodiversity!

I really want to reiterate what Kevin wrote: Polyamory is okay, and monogamy is okay! Dan Savage's "monogamish" is yet another option. I hope you find the relationship style that fulfills you.

 

[dot.2.dot]

Hello, and welcome, Dot! Yes, singlehood is a perfectly fine word. *smiling*

Singlehood is a word I don't think I've ever heard...lol Niiice. : )

I agree with Magdlyn. Transition can be traumatic, but often lead (sometimes in the loooong run) to growth and improvement.

I agree. It does lead to growth and improvement. I try to keep that in mind because that is important, imo.

I have had a neurodivergent partner, which taught me a lot. I am a big fan of neurodiversity!

You have a very lucky partner. : )

I really want to reiterate what Kevin wrote: Polyamory is okay, and monogamy is okay! Dan Savage's "monogamish" is yet another option. I hope you find the relationship style that fulfills you.

I know. I've found out that there are sooooo many options for having a relationship. It's kind of exciting to learn about them! Thank you. : )