Is it ever too soon?

J

JenAgain

New member
To say I love you?

I admittedly wear my heart on my sleeve. I fall in love easily, and granted that it often morphs into different types of love/relationships, it never really goes away. With the exception of one person, I still very much love (and am good friends, best with a couple even) with the people I had relationships with before I met my husband

So now here I am with J. Don't want to scare him off, but I feel this overwhelming feeling to tell him that I love him. I don't expect it in return. Don't need him to feel the same about me. There are still questions about him that I don't get, that are hard to understand. But I love him regardless. For what he brings to our family, my husband, myself. I find myself pausing and afraid to say it because I don't know if it's too soon, or too much. Then on the other hand, not telling him seems wrong too.

We've known him 3 years, this exploration into poly has been going on 2 months, of course I always felt that connection when he was here. I love the relationship him and my hubby have, and the comfort that we all have when he is here. I don't think he feels the same way about me as I do about him, that that's not what it's about for me. I have no problem telling friends that I love them, and often do, even guy friends who I don't have this connection with, but something about telling him seems so much more loaded.

I dunno... thoughts? opinions??

Tried doing a search for this, but couldn't think of the proper key words that would narrow it down any more :)
 
My guess is that you're experiencing a rather heady euphoria right now, but I would wait to express that love until it feels a little more... grounded? Know what I mean? Revel in it for a while, enjoy the feelings, let the chemical bath you're in settle down a bit. If you say it too soon, especially since you have really just begun and are all still working things out, it could complicate things unnecessarily.
 
It's all a matter of opinion.
But personally, I wouldn't.

I'm friends with all of my "exes" as well. But, part of the reason is that I am, is that I respected them all as friends, not just lovers. It certainly is'nt becuase I told them I loved them. ;)
 
I will take your advice to heart and wait... it's so hard for me! I definitely don't want to complicate things, especially when they are going so well right now. :)

Thank you :)
 
Sigh... after I had that 4way with my gf and her female friend, and my sweetie D, I so wanted to tell D I loved him when we were parting... but I didn't. I mean, I am not "in love" with D, but I sure do feel a strong fondness for him. But I am pretty sure he wouldnt have taken it well. It might make him uncomfortable. So I didnt say it. Even tho we've been seeing each other for 2 years now. I don't want to scare him.
 
Considering that he isn't really taking the relationship aspect seriously, I'd say it's too early. I'd wait a little bit for him to open up more. Having the L bomb dropped when he is just starting to get comfortable might be too much.
 
If ou just have to say it and you think its to soon....then wait for a day when our walking him out a door and say it out loud behind the closed door mabe that would help:eek:
 
I'm going to swim against the current (what the hell do I know???) and agree with Charlie. If you love him and you're itching to tell him so, do it. Just do it without expectations - and let him know that as well.

There's a novel by Vonnegut where one person says to another: "I love you."
The other replies: "When you say that, I feel like you're pointing a gun at my head. What else am I allowed to reply but 'I love you, too'?"

Make sure that J knows that there's no gun.

Q: Is it ever too soon? To say I love you?
A: Better too soon than too late. (just my opinion)

p.s. I think that you and Beodude123 should invite J to read these threads. (just a crazy idea)
 
MrFarFromRight said:
Q: Is it ever too soon? To say I love you?
A: Better too soon than too late. (just my opinion)
Click to expand...

This is exactly my thought process when I wonder if it's too soon.

I did end up telling him. When I thought I was going to lose the chance to ever do it. Hubby had hit his lowest point thus far, and I couldn't do it to him anymore (we've since reestablished our boundaries and are starting back at the very very basics). I went in and talked to J and told him what was going on. He went to leave and he hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay, and I told him I know, and that not to freak him out, but I love him. In some way. I wear my heart on my sleeve. That's me, and I'm not ashamed of it.

I still don't know in which way.. there are so many ins and outs to him. I don't know if I love him in a familial way, if I love him in a romantic way. I love who he is at the core, and who he is to hubby. I still don't know if he will ever be right for me in that respect... but I love him regardless. I'm glad I told him. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Everything is still a big question, but my feelings have not changed.. he is one of those people who have made an impression on me and will always have a place in my heart.

I intend to invite him to read our threads and this forum, probably tonight. Don't know if he will, but I hope so!
 
It's only too soon to say it if it's really just the euphoric chemical bath you're experiencing and not love. That's why sometimes it's better to give it time to sort out what the feelings are before saying anything.
 
Maybe just let the actions speak for themselves? Showing it instead of saying it? That's what I had to do.
 
I'd say it is the consequences. That one little word can change a lot of things for many people. The people on this board toss it around a little easier, but it still has far reaching effects.
 
How did he react when you said those 3 little words?
 
I agree with Beodude.

Besides, if you really love them, the enthusiasm to share it with them, will always be there. Taking time is a selfless act, in making sure they cherish the words with the intention given, rather then feeling overwhelmed.
 
Totally depends on the recipient. I would err on the side of not saying it. But thats because I see love as rare, and I rarely feel it for others. In my early days that would have had me balking. things have changed a bit, but I think most people err on the side of caution when using those words.

Being patient with something as rare and precious as I love you, is not a bad thing.

I hope it went well for ya :)
 
Magdlyn said:
How did he react when you said those 3 little words?
Click to expand...

He hugged me tight and said "I love you guys too".. which I know he does. He really respects our marriage. I didn't expect him to say anything, and didn't care. I just felt like I needed to say it, I've never been one that holds back whether it be friends, family or a romantic interest. I feel it's important to tell the people we love that we love them as often as we can. There isn't a day that goes by that Beodude and I don't say it to each other, and that's the way I like it.
 
I tell those I love that I love them every chance I get, but certainly I don't tell them the first time until my will really gives in and I just have to say it. To me, that's the sign that it really is love. At the point where I have to say it and can't stop myself.
 
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