Jealous looking in from the outside

Hello Cougarwolf,

I can't tell what's bothering you about your wife's FWB. Is it that they're just in it for sex? Is it that she rushes to get ready to meet him, whenever he calls? or is it a combination of things? What is the worst part of her association with him?

As far as online dating goes, women do tend to get approached by a lot more men, than how many women approach men. There is some controversy of why it's like this, the men who hit on women are usually just interested in sex. Women have to turn a lot of men down for that reason.

If he's a scumbag I hope she'll see it.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello Cougarwolf,

I can't tell what's bothering you about your wife's FWB. Is it that they're just in it for sex? Is it that she rushes to get ready to meet him, whenever he calls? or is it a combination of things? What is the worst part of her association with him?

As far as online dating goes, women do tend to get approached by a lot more men, than how many women approach men. There is some controversy of why it's like this, the men who hit on women are usually just interested in sex. Women have to turn a lot of men down for that reason.

If he's a scumbag I hope she'll see it.
Regards,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...
It’s a few things--
She calls it FWBs, but he only sees her in person for sex.
She says they talk all the time, but will complain that he hasn’t talked to her for a few days, because he was tired or didn’t know she messaged him.
He has her phone number, but only uses the site they met on to contact her.
He cannot take her back to his place because he has a roommate, instead meets her at gas stations, picnic areas, and rest stops and they hook up in his semi.
She has feelings for him and she says he likes her too, but I just see too many red flags for a healthy relationship, which she has shown interest in having with him.

The cherry on top was the other morning, when he asked if they could meet up, then didn’t talk to her again until he told her he was ready to meet. Granted, it had become so late she was actually in bed and slowly drifting off, before she checked for messages and hopped out of bed to hurry up and get ready.

Like I replied to another, I don’t know if it’s just NRE, my insecurities, or what.
 
Hi Cougarwolf,

It sounds like you don't approve of him in general, and maybe you're worried that your wife is going to get hurt, and you feel responsible for her well-being. If you are looking for confirmation that he is a bad person and bad for her, and that she shouldn't be seeing him, well, I can certainly confirm that there are enough red flags surrounding him to make him look like a shady, dangerous character.

Why is she catering to this guy? NRE could certainly explain it. Rose-colored glasses, so that everything he does looks golden to her. And sure you have insecurities, everyone does, but that doesn't mean you're wrong to be suspicious of this guy. You and she are both new to poly, and are not yet sure what is real, and what is just in your imaginations. The thing is, shy of chaining her to your bed, there isn't really a way to stop her from what she is doing. Certainly you can show her this thread, thus demonstrating to her that you aren't the only one who is concerned. I just can't guarantee that she'll listen no matter how much evidence you show her. Those rose-colored glasses are glued to her face.

It's possible that your only recourse here is to ride this thing out. Tell her you are concerned, but then step back and let her learn the hard way, if that's what she's determined to do. In some ways, the harder you push against this thing, the harder she's likely to push back. You can't tell her that he's a scumbag, and expect her to listen. This is something she's going to have to figure out herself.

That's all I can think to tell you for now.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I don't think he's dangerous, just opportunistic. I had a person like that. I eventually got sick of it. She will too.
 
Cougarwolf said:
Another thing is, she has given him her phone number, but he only wants to chat on the website they met. As such, he “never knows" when he gets her messages. He also has a roommate, so they can’t meet at his place, only in his semi at a roadside park or similar.
Click to expand...
Oh for fuck's sake, he's MARRIED and CHEATING. This is the oldest lie in the book, "haz roommate can't host meet me in my truck at a park." For real.
 
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