Judgy People

L

lafayettejeffersona

New member
I was at the grocery store with my only two poly friends (besides my semi poly boyfriend) and we ran into someone that one of them knew that disapproved of her polyamory and asked if the other friend and I were poly, too. We responded with yes and she literally pushed all three of us apart! "Maddy, don't act on your poly feelings." she said. I'm still seeing red with anger!
 
You could be angry, or you could assume instead that the person at the grocery store was an ignorant caring friend.
I like to imagine the best in people.
So, while the actions were horrible and yes she was judging and clearly disapproving the odds of her being informed and still acting that way are a lot lower.
Who knows what baggage she brought to that encounter.
I'm not saying at all that your anger isn't justified and it's a lot easier for me to have compassion for everyone you mentioned in the story because you are all strangers.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds very immature.
Keep your head up. :)
 
Like LLY said, always assume the best and give benefit of doubt. It will ultimately give you a greater outlook on life! :)
 
I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with the above posters. If some stranger put their hands on me and pushed me apart from a friend and treated me like I was some toxic thing when they didn't even know me I'd be livid! Ignorance isn't an excuse to treat people like shit, or to shove your own opinions and beliefs down another person's throat, or to dictate to anyone else how to live their lives. Doesn't matter if their intentions are good or not.
 
breathemusic said:
I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with the above posters. If some stranger put their hands on me and pushed me apart from a friend and treated me like I was some toxic thing when they didn't even know me I'd be livid! Ignorance isn't an excuse to treat people like shit, or to shove your own opinions and beliefs down another person's throat, or to dictate to anyone else how to live their lives. Doesn't matter if their intentions are good or not.
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I totally read original post as they knew everyone involved and not that it was a stranger doing it. Yikes. If it was someone I knew, there'd be a lot of follow up conversation.

If it was a stranger, I'm not even sure how I'd respond to that. Difficult situation and sorry you had to go through that. :(
 
I read the "someone they knew" part as meaning that it was someone that their friend knew, but not someone that OP knew. So I took it to mean that this person was not only ok telling their friend to not be who they are, but also ok pushing away people their friend was associated with, but that the pusher didn't actually know.

I could be wrong. But knowing or not... it's still no ok behavior.
 
breathemusic said:
But knowing or not... it's still no ok behavior.
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I agree 100% that it's not an okay behavior for that person for sure! It's how we react that will define who we are individually and as a group. Before allowing our own emotions run how we respond, taking a moment to breathe and try to look at it from a different point of view may give clarity in how to react appropriately to someone we know who does not have a favorable opinion about our own private lives. :)
 
I make allowances for other views and ignorance, but I would draw the line at someone grabbing me or pushing me. If it wasn't done very gently, my aikido training might come into play and they'd be on the floor, and I'd press charges for assault.
 
central said:
I make allowances for other views and ignorance, but I would draw the line at someone grabbing me or pushing me. If it wasn't done very gently, my aikido training might come into play and they'd be on the floor, and I'd press charges for assault.
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And I don't think anyone would blame you in such a circumstance.

I am one for turning the other cheeek and wish I had as much courage in those situations as some.

Hopefully you don't have to experience something like this again!
 
Hi lafayettejeffersona,

Wow, that person was mighty fresh/cheeky/rude! I don't blame you for being upset. I hope your friend has a talk with her.

With regards,
Kevin T.
 
I agree. Really rude to lay hands on people. In some places that counts as assault.

I hope one of you said "Please do not touch me without my consent. That is rude" to the person.

Most of all I hope Maddy told this friend "Please do not push my other friends. Please do not concern yourself with things that are not your business. How I live my life and how I date is up to me, not you. If you cannot respect my boundaries on that then we cannot continue to be friends."

This person was being really fresh.

Galagirl
 
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