Just LR

I suppose the best you can do is tell him you're sincerely sorry that it's over, but that it is over and there's nothing either of you can do to change that. Perhaps offer to be a platonic friend to him if you think you can?
 
I have done both Kevin.
He still has to work through the acceptance of the "new" reality. Go figure.

I'm standing my ground.
But I admit that I get tired of repeating myself.

Today I wrapped the last few little gifts for the kids. In the past we've had some large Christmas's. This year is the least number of people living here AND the least gifts per person as well. I'm ok with that. But it is noticeable.

Tomorrow evening the grandsons return home to mom and dad. The kids and I will be relieved. As much as I love them-a single overnight visit is MUCH more do-able than two straight weeks.

Panther is having an emotional/lonely holiday.
Unexpectedly Maca has been relatively considerate about watching the grand kids a few times so that I could go spend some time with Panther. GG did as well twice.
So what was looking like 4 straight weeks apart has been reduced to only the two weeks I will be in Arizona.

Two of my classes (at different times) got cancelled causing me to need to sign up for different classes and re-do my whole school schedule for next semester. Talk about a PITA! Hopefully it won't happen AGAIN. It makes it REALLY hard to coordinate long term plans for the kids care when my schedule keeps being changed by the school!

The new granddaughter is doing well. She's jaundiced-but that was expected. She's improving daily. She lost some weight the first few days-which was also expected, but she's gaining daily. I was thinking today while I took a quick shower, how nice it is that she's a week old, and I haven't had to change a single one of her diapers! YAY!

My depression has been holding at a mild range. I've been forcing myself to get up and get out. It's hard when it's dark til 10am and then dark again by 4. But the days are starting to get longer.
I haven't had any issues with anxiety this month. :) YAY!

I'm working really hard at sticking to positive positive positive and holding my boundaries strong. A large part of that is NOT TALKING. That sounds kind of weird when I write it-but it's true. Instead of responding to questions and pressure, I respond with "I need to think about that" and then I go back and re-read the "Relationship Bill of Rights" on p. 42-43 of More Than Two. It helps me refocus on what I shouldn't be "compromising away". Things that are inherently reasonable boundaries for me to hold for myself.
THEN I respond.

It's NOT making everyone happy. In fact it's REALLY frustrating some people. But it IS helping me feel more confident, secure and happy with myself.
 
Sounds like that Relationship Bill of Rights is a lifesaver. Maybe Maca and GG are used to wheedling you into more than is healthy for you to give. So, things are changing now, and the change isn't convenient for them. I guess they would be frustrated.

Re:
"I have done both Kevin."

Ah, see, you're way ahead of me.

Re:
"He still has to work through the acceptance of the 'new' reality."

That actually makes sense to me, in a way. Breakups tend to be really hard on the heart and mind, especially if the people breaking up were together a long time. I think we all tend to have a few dysfunctional coping mechanisms when we're under that much stress. GG's mechanism, perhaps, is a type of denial. He obviously doesn't break up quickly or easily. Maybe I just expect him to be that way, and since I don't have to deal with it personally, it's easy for me to be patient with it.

It sounds like things have been a little better for you lately. I'm glad to hear that. Hope everyone (e.g. kids and grandkids) has a good Christmas.
 
The kids are hPpily ensconced in their gifts. A small Christmas, but they each got something they very much wanted. Sweet pea is reading a book about the worst record album covers in history. Sourpea is playing with a set of frozen dolls about 3 inch tall with interchangable clothes.

I suspect the rest of the day will be VERY quiet.
Its somewhat bittersweet.
Calm. Quiet. But not exactly peaceful.
 
Sorry it's not quite the Christmas you would have wanted. Glad the kids enjoyed it at least.
 
Drama free works for me right now. It may not be the ideal, but it works. I'm ok with drama-free.

:)

Hope your holidays were nice Kevin!

I got to see an old friend yesterday for a short visit. He's returning back to your neck of the woods on Monday. Hopefully sometime soon I will be able to get back down there to visit and meet more of my friends face to face!
 
If you come down to the Seattle-ish area sometime, let me know. I'd love to meet in person.

We had a pleasant holiday. I am somewhat indifferent about holidays but it is nice to spend time with people I don't see every day. For Christmas we went to my SIL's house on Vashon Island. Her husband was working on the slope in Alaska, but we got to hang out with her, her sister, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. I liked it.
 
Packing up my laptop here in a few minutes. Tomorrow morning I fly out to Arizona for two weeks. I will have my laptop-but no idea how frequently I will be checking in on it.
Aim to spend as much time as possible outside sucking up sunshine rays.
 
Hun... wishing you wonderful days of sunshine. I hope the trip is drama free and you get what you need :)
 
Not drama free
Head home tomorrow
Hurting and disillusioned
Angry resentful
Each new verbal attack pushes me towards solo poly & relationship anarchy
Irony: sweetpea has been on an anarchist trip. Talking incessantly about what is better or more right ormore senisble or more logical about anarchy
As more bullshit gets shoved down my throat, I find myself more and more in agreement

I find myself drawn to NYCindies and Marcus' posts.
I find myself increasingly disillusioned with marriage

I find myself questioning ever living with a lover again
 
This, then, is a wound so deep that it is changing the very paradigm you have always preferred in the past in your relationships.

I know this is the worst time it could have happened, since you were in dire need of a break from all the emotional attacks ... and I'm sure you were hoping, maybe even counting on, that break during this trip.

It grieves me to know you're going through this. You deserve so much better.
 
What kdt said. I can't say it any better.

I sometimes find it comforting to tell myself that 'this' - whatever it happens to be - is not forever and will end, things will change. Perhaps that can be of some comfort to you too.
 
More support in the vein of what Kevin and Opal said. You deserve some emotional peace, LR. Internet hugs...
 
I find myself increasingly disillusioned with marriage

I find myself questioning ever living with a lover again

I felt the same when my marriage was at toxic levels. My brother was so scarred by his ex-wife (and her continual custody legal bs) that he can't even consider getting married again to his current live-in gf (she wants to). Personally I see it as a form of self defense and a good course of action for the immediate future.

Hugs!
 
All of those thoughts and feelings are understandable for the situation at hand.

I am so very sorry you are dealing in all this. It sounds really rough! :(

Hang in there...

hugs
Galagirl
 
So sorry you are dealing with ongoing bollocks.

I hope that whatever other changes you go though, one of them will be to experience some peace soon.

I remember when Art first told me about anarchism. I was surprised that there was a word and people studying and struggling for a concept that has always seemed like the most blatant common sense to me. :)
 
Too much to catch up. A few poignant remarks. Some cutting and hurtful.
I'm not "wife" material.
But fuck buddy-hell yes.

At any rate;

I watched Melificent in December and it really cut me deep. It wasn't a GREAT movie in my opinion. I think they could have done better, especially with such meaningful underlying messages-so much opportunity wasted.
BUT-

I completely identified with Melificent. Funny that, I didn't even know the story line when I was at Disneyland with Sour Pea this summer, but I went around wearing Melificent "ears" the whole trip. HAHA.

Anyway-for years GG refered to me as Angel.
Then Maca entered the picture and I've always been "his Angel".
When our D/s dynamic ensued, Angel was pretty much the only name he called me and it meant so much more than a word.

Now it's back to my first name. There's no depth in it when he says it. Just a coldness.

Through all of this, I have been changing. In some ways a wall has been building around my heart. Not that I've closed myself off from love. Because I haven't. But something changed. I just couldn't figure out how to describe it.
I still feel love, I am still loving. I am still the doting mom and Grammy. I'm still passionately loving in the arms of a lover.
But something cold has entered, something that wasn't there before.

Then, I went to Arizona and had a PLETHORA of time alone. I sat in the hot tub watching the sun move across the sky.
And I heard a song. "I'm not an angel" by Halestorm.
It clicked.

They stole my wings.
The rest can be described by the effect it had on Melificent.
To those whom I can rest assured of their ongoing loyalty, I remain a devoted care-taker and lover.
To the rest, I have a guarded reticence.
To those who have personally damaged me, I have a fury that burns, a rage that I have to consciously control in order to maintain the appropriate BEHAVIOR.
I don't act out on the rage.
But it's there none the less.

Ironically; it makes instituting personal boundaries easier.
EVEN with people who are not part and parcel of that rage; I find that its existence has allowed me to "talk over" my natural tendency to capitulate to other people's demands and insist on maintaining my boundaries.

Melificent.
Ha.
Too much weird irony.

Maca left for Kodiak this week. He plans to be home for 1 week in March, just after my birthday, because we have tickets to 2cellos for the whole family including GG and my sister.
Then he will try to return to see the kids for a week in May before they fly to my moms place for a month.
Thinks he will be returning again to stay in July, sometime after our anniversary.

GG has his own place. Still pushing my boundaries. He seems to do well for a week or so-then it's right back to pressuring me with "Ily", "imy", calling me pet names etc. I have repeatedly asked him to stop. Then demanded he stop. Then gave up and started ignoring him entirely.
I finally lost my cool this week. I told him he needs to get the rest of his belongings out of the house by the end of the weekend, return my house key and give me a week notice for when he wants to see Sour Pea. I let him know she's generally not available Monday or Thursday evenings (because she has standing dates with her aunt those evenings). But she can stay at his place Friday nights and return Saturday night. He's pissed. Go figure. He told her that mommy won't let him on the property any more. Of COURSE she wanted to know why and I told her, first of all, that is between GG and mommy-not you. But the problem is that he's not respecting mommy's personal boundaries and that is something everyone has to do always. Then explained about HER personal boundaries blah blah blah. She seemed to grasp how that is important and moved on with her day.
Sweet Pea was disgusted and annoyed that GG said it to her without explanation (as of course was I) and expressed the inappropriateness of spreading your own personal shit to childrens shoulders. Gotta love when teenagers "get it" better than adults.
 
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Hugs, LR...

I'm glad it's easier for you to maintain boundaries, but please don't let this eat you from the inside. I'm glad you have the kids and grandkids to help keep the happy moments flowing.
 
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