GG:
Ok...lemme give you my perspective.
If you were looking for a roommate or an employee and you're talking to a guy and he said,
"So, I'm really nice, family oriented and generally easy-going, fun to be around. But I'm really bad with money and time management and prioritization and I forget things and get things mixed up (and usually don't find out until something's gone wrong) and I don't always follow directions well (because of the forgetfulness and getting mixed up). But I mean well and I apologize..."
Umm...ok dude... Thanks for your honesty...? Don't call us, we'll call you...
LR's told me that she's frustrated that you think your ADD meds are working. If the meds are working then you need help with what to do when they are. "The pills don't teach the skills." Have you heard that said before?
The meds are supposed to help unclutter your mind, to quiet it, so that you can be focused and attentive. If that's not happening then the meds aren't working. While you are focused and attentive you should be able to manage your daily responsibilities. If you can't, then you need to learn how.
Each time something "goes wrong", LR says it's just one more example, just one more symptom of a larger issue. "I forgot," "I didn't realize..." "I thought it was this and not that," are things she says you find yourself saying often and it's worn very thin.
Some people read self-help books and articles. Some people seek the help of a professional. Some people combine the two. The nice thing about a professional counselor is that they can also help with anxiety, depression, self-esteem, childhood trauma and relationship problems (not saying you have all of those issues, just making the point).
LR has told me that she's shared articles and things with you but you never say a word to her about them. She doesn't know if you've read any, if you know why she sent them or if you even care. Lately, she said your standard reply to many things has been something along the lines of, "We can talk about this later." But "later" never seems to pop up.
LR has forced herself to learn to be as organized as she is, to manage time and budgets as she does, to hold down jobs when she has to, to manage her schooling and that of the children...because those things are necessary and important.
She's not an "anomaly" of a person with ADD, as ***(name deleted for anonymity) believes. LR has worked very hard to teach herself the skills and coping mechanisms to do the things she does; to be productive and engaged in her life, to fulfill her goals.
She has engaged professionals, friends and family along the way to help with different parts, to keep her on task, to keep her accountable. And she's learned (hard) the crucial importance of thorough communication.
It's not that you can do nothing right in her eyes.
It's not that she's just too critical and expects too much from you, or expects you to be or do something you're not capable of being or doing.
She has tried, for years, to get you to tap into the brain and the personal strength she knows you have.
To her, I think it feels like she's driving along in the van with the family and you're in your own vehicle being towed behind in neutral, with your feet on the dash, just trusting her to take care of everything. There's nothing wrong with your vehicle. You can shift the gears and steer and control acceleration and braking same as she can, you just don't want to or are unwilling to even try. But if you get a flat tire or your windshield gets a crack, she has to stop too. It impacts everyone, not just you, because you're not living in a bubble.
I'm not saying I think you're lazy or incompetent. I'm just saying that you are the only person who has the power to change anything about you.
Let me know if there's anything I can clarify more or expand upon for you.
Love you.
