Just LR
- Thread starter LovingRadiance
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LovingRadiance
Active member
Yup, they will. Usually he's pretty good about just saying "WTF?" but I was hurried and trying to get ready for this trip and we didn't have an opportunity to talk before I left. So... yeah. That, combined with me being overly emotional resulted in a WTF situation. As I said, I didn't doubt it WOULD be resolved, but I wasn't feeling up to the wait. Happily that has been resolved.
On to the next crisis (sort of j/k).
I do have a new "topic," but it's too late tonight to write it all out. Maybe tomorrow.
I have managed to get up at 7 am to work out the last two mornings. Aim to do it again tomorrow.
On to the next crisis (sort of j/k).
I do have a new "topic," but it's too late tonight to write it all out. Maybe tomorrow.
I have managed to get up at 7 am to work out the last two mornings. Aim to do it again tomorrow.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Sex
It is damn near impossible to get the amount of sexual attention I crave. Age? Maybe. I have heard that women tend to be like teen boys when they get to their 40s. But most of my life I have had a strong desire for sex, more than any man I've ever dated is up for. I don't want another full-time partner. I don't have time to devote to creating a new relationship. But I sure would like the option of adding a sexual component to one or two of my close friendships. However, I don't think that Maca is going to be agreeable to that. Which leaves me twisted up in knots of frustration. I need more sexual attention. How the fuck do I get it without creating a shit storm?
It is damn near impossible to get the amount of sexual attention I crave. Age? Maybe. I have heard that women tend to be like teen boys when they get to their 40s. But most of my life I have had a strong desire for sex, more than any man I've ever dated is up for. I don't want another full-time partner. I don't have time to devote to creating a new relationship. But I sure would like the option of adding a sexual component to one or two of my close friendships. However, I don't think that Maca is going to be agreeable to that. Which leaves me twisted up in knots of frustration. I need more sexual attention. How the fuck do I get it without creating a shit storm?
LovingRadiance
Active member
Being home doesn't change his libido Mags. He's good with a couple times a week. I'm good with a couple times a day.
BUT, that said, we did decide to put her in the public school. It royally t'd GG off, but Maca and I spent hours talking it through and made the decision. I thought I had posted that, but so much has been happening, I really can't remember.
The thing is, I'm not really wanting SEX anyway. I do have a vibrator (or 20) and I know how to use them It's the flirting, teasing, picture sharing, suggestive activities I crave. When I was younger (until I married Maca), I tended to be very sexually suggestively playful with my core friends. We would kiss, hug, cuddle, share explicit photos, talk about fantasies etc. We didn't have intercourse or oral sex or even fingers/hands/mouths in clothing. But we were very sexually "intense."
I miss that. For years I was a stripper. Again, I didn't allow ANY customers to EVER touch me in any way. But I LOVED dancing and showing off, getting them worked up. I miss that.
Maca loves when I do those things for him. But even when he's home, he isn't available frequently for that. He still works, which means being gone 50 hours a week (due to drive time) and he really can't be texting/talking when he's working. It's just not feasible or safe or reasonable.
Likewise, I LOVE doing those things with him. When he IS available I wouldn't give that up for anything. But damn, it's hard when it's so rare.
ALL of that said, I brought it up, and suffice it to say it started a shitstorm.
BUT, that said, we did decide to put her in the public school. It royally t'd GG off, but Maca and I spent hours talking it through and made the decision. I thought I had posted that, but so much has been happening, I really can't remember.
The thing is, I'm not really wanting SEX anyway. I do have a vibrator (or 20) and I know how to use them It's the flirting, teasing, picture sharing, suggestive activities I crave. When I was younger (until I married Maca), I tended to be very sexually suggestively playful with my core friends. We would kiss, hug, cuddle, share explicit photos, talk about fantasies etc. We didn't have intercourse or oral sex or even fingers/hands/mouths in clothing. But we were very sexually "intense."
I miss that. For years I was a stripper. Again, I didn't allow ANY customers to EVER touch me in any way. But I LOVED dancing and showing off, getting them worked up. I miss that.
Maca loves when I do those things for him. But even when he's home, he isn't available frequently for that. He still works, which means being gone 50 hours a week (due to drive time) and he really can't be texting/talking when he's working. It's just not feasible or safe or reasonable.
Likewise, I LOVE doing those things with him. When he IS available I wouldn't give that up for anything. But damn, it's hard when it's so rare.
ALL of that said, I brought it up, and suffice it to say it started a shitstorm.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Yeah. Pretty much, Kevin.
It's somewhat ironic, because he has always wanted to limit "others" to FWBs or FBs. I have always wanted "all or nothing," because it's just not worth the effort. But as GG moves on to whatever he is doing, I am struggling.
I want a FWB. I'm not even really looking for sex, just flirtatious, playful conversation and sharing of pics. It's the pics that kill it for Maca. He's SOOO not ok with that.
It's somewhat ironic, because he has always wanted to limit "others" to FWBs or FBs. I have always wanted "all or nothing," because it's just not worth the effort. But as GG moves on to whatever he is doing, I am struggling.
I want a FWB. I'm not even really looking for sex, just flirtatious, playful conversation and sharing of pics. It's the pics that kill it for Maca. He's SOOO not ok with that.
wildflowers
New member
Is there room for compromise, e.g., flirting without pics?
LovingRadiance
Active member
Yes and yes. I won't push. We haven't had a chance to talk in depth because today I have been with my friends whose daughter died.
LovingRadiance
Active member
D/s and poly
So many things have been changing in the last few years. One is me gaining a more solid understanding of myself. In this I include realizing that I am a much happier, secure, satisfied person when I am in a D/s relationship as a submissive, more specifically, a "little." With that piece of info, which I figured out a year or so ago, a great deal has changed. One major change is my complete and utter disinterest in switching. At all. The first few years of exploring D/s I tolerated it. I WANTED to be submissive. But I tolerated being a switch. I CAN be Dominant and I do it well. But I don't enjoy it and it doesn't do anything for me. It is "just a job," one I don't care to continue.
But in addition to that, I find myself returning to an old behavior. In youth I was always and only turned on by guys who were dominant. At some point I decided there were a lot of assholes and I went the complete opposite. Then Maca reappeared in my life and I married him. He is dominant, but he's also sweet, tender, romantic.
When we figured out I was comfortably and happily a "little," it just clicked. So many things we'd previously struggled over fell right into place. Like, it made the "order of operation" suddenly obvious and we were able to find our comfortable running speed together.
But this has had the opposite effect on my relationship with GG. The more comfortable, the more secure I am in my position as Maca's little, the less interest I have in being with someone who is passive and submissive.
AND
I find myself drawn to others who, while they aren't My M (Maca), they are capable of naturally making that side of me feel safe, secure, confident, accepted, protected. Things I crave and need. It sounds stupid, but they are functional "babysitters" of a sort.
We carefully choose our children's caretakers, and a little has a side that needs that same depth of daily care. If their DD is unavailable, it's helpful to have caretakers who can protect, play with, and entertain the little. Maybe there is a term in the BDSM world for that. I haven't heard it discussed. But it seems obvious to me.
Anyway, that's what I want. I don't want another DD. Maca claims that role in my life. But any other lovers I take, I want them to be accepting of my position with him, and willing to be what I need, especially in his absence.
However, GG is definitely not that. Getting Maca to tolerate GG was hell. I don't know if it's remotely possible to get to being free to have another lover, because frankly, I can't do the dramatic trip through hell again. It's too dangerous for my mental health. But I still need to address it with GG. I can't keep it up.
So many things have been changing in the last few years. One is me gaining a more solid understanding of myself. In this I include realizing that I am a much happier, secure, satisfied person when I am in a D/s relationship as a submissive, more specifically, a "little." With that piece of info, which I figured out a year or so ago, a great deal has changed. One major change is my complete and utter disinterest in switching. At all. The first few years of exploring D/s I tolerated it. I WANTED to be submissive. But I tolerated being a switch. I CAN be Dominant and I do it well. But I don't enjoy it and it doesn't do anything for me. It is "just a job," one I don't care to continue.
But in addition to that, I find myself returning to an old behavior. In youth I was always and only turned on by guys who were dominant. At some point I decided there were a lot of assholes and I went the complete opposite. Then Maca reappeared in my life and I married him. He is dominant, but he's also sweet, tender, romantic.
When we figured out I was comfortably and happily a "little," it just clicked. So many things we'd previously struggled over fell right into place. Like, it made the "order of operation" suddenly obvious and we were able to find our comfortable running speed together.
But this has had the opposite effect on my relationship with GG. The more comfortable, the more secure I am in my position as Maca's little, the less interest I have in being with someone who is passive and submissive.
AND
I find myself drawn to others who, while they aren't My M (Maca), they are capable of naturally making that side of me feel safe, secure, confident, accepted, protected. Things I crave and need. It sounds stupid, but they are functional "babysitters" of a sort.
We carefully choose our children's caretakers, and a little has a side that needs that same depth of daily care. If their DD is unavailable, it's helpful to have caretakers who can protect, play with, and entertain the little. Maybe there is a term in the BDSM world for that. I haven't heard it discussed. But it seems obvious to me.
Anyway, that's what I want. I don't want another DD. Maca claims that role in my life. But any other lovers I take, I want them to be accepting of my position with him, and willing to be what I need, especially in his absence.
However, GG is definitely not that. Getting Maca to tolerate GG was hell. I don't know if it's remotely possible to get to being free to have another lover, because frankly, I can't do the dramatic trip through hell again. It's too dangerous for my mental health. But I still need to address it with GG. I can't keep it up.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Not sexually.
When I brought the topic up to him and Maca, originally he was completely and utterly offended. In the years since, he has become mildly tolerant. That doesn't create a safe place for me to talk with him about where I am with any of it. So I don't. But that creates a great gap in our intimacy and connection, because a large part of me is "left out."
To complicate things (as if there is anything in my life that is not complicated lol) there are others in my life who, upon hearing tiny details, take it upon themselves to do some research, find information, come back interested and curious, with more questions about me specifically, and feel like it's just an amazing opportunity to understand me better, as opposed to thinking I am twisted, demented or offensive.
Some of those have actually found that the decades of friendship with me now make more sense. They have clarity into why we click, because they see their personalities and mine, and in that context can understand why traits outsiders found odd, annoying or confusing were actually the traits we were drawn to in each other, because they are complementary traits.
For example, when I am in certain situations/environments, my little side tends to peek out. I am prone to using terminology that is little. (Like kitties-- the other day we went to a wild animal safari, and I was all about the kitties, and childlike in my adoration and communication with them and about them). I get cuddly and touchy-feely, not necessarily sexual.
Anyway, certain friends, and especially Maca, autopilot into a protective, loving mode when I am like that. They don't react as though anything odd is occurring, and in fact, it isn't odd for them. They naturally gravitate to me, because the complementary opposite personality is theirs.
GG is not that way. He used to be more like me, actually, and now he is guarded and distant, like a terrified animal. But either way is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I try not to allow that side of me to filter through with him, because I end up hurt. So I am also guarded.
When I brought the topic up to him and Maca, originally he was completely and utterly offended. In the years since, he has become mildly tolerant. That doesn't create a safe place for me to talk with him about where I am with any of it. So I don't. But that creates a great gap in our intimacy and connection, because a large part of me is "left out."
To complicate things (as if there is anything in my life that is not complicated lol) there are others in my life who, upon hearing tiny details, take it upon themselves to do some research, find information, come back interested and curious, with more questions about me specifically, and feel like it's just an amazing opportunity to understand me better, as opposed to thinking I am twisted, demented or offensive.
Some of those have actually found that the decades of friendship with me now make more sense. They have clarity into why we click, because they see their personalities and mine, and in that context can understand why traits outsiders found odd, annoying or confusing were actually the traits we were drawn to in each other, because they are complementary traits.
For example, when I am in certain situations/environments, my little side tends to peek out. I am prone to using terminology that is little. (Like kitties-- the other day we went to a wild animal safari, and I was all about the kitties, and childlike in my adoration and communication with them and about them). I get cuddly and touchy-feely, not necessarily sexual.
Anyway, certain friends, and especially Maca, autopilot into a protective, loving mode when I am like that. They don't react as though anything odd is occurring, and in fact, it isn't odd for them. They naturally gravitate to me, because the complementary opposite personality is theirs.
GG is not that way. He used to be more like me, actually, and now he is guarded and distant, like a terrified animal. But either way is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I try not to allow that side of me to filter through with him, because I end up hurt. So I am also guarded.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Um... You are welcome. Glad I could be helpful. even if accidentally!
even if accidentally!
Yes, you did post that you've given up on the private school idea for your daughter.
And (soon?) Maca will be home with you full time. He wants sex twice a week. You want it every day. But at least you'll be gettin some twice a week instead of going weeks without, like it's been now for a while with him working hours away from home! That was my point.
I think it's cool you are more closely defining your r'ship needs. You prefer subbing and being a "baby girl" or "little." Good that you've realized that. Domming GG never really suited you, or satisfied you.
Now, it seems you want Maca AND some others to take care of your little side. You work so hard. You've got SO many kids and grandkids to care for. Makes sense you want a lover (or FWB or whatever you're suggesting) to do this for you when Maca isn't available.
Could you shelve this for a while though? You've got so much going on in your life. When does Maca come home?
And (soon?) Maca will be home with you full time. He wants sex twice a week. You want it every day. But at least you'll be gettin some twice a week instead of going weeks without, like it's been now for a while with him working hours away from home! That was my point.
I think it's cool you are more closely defining your r'ship needs. You prefer subbing and being a "baby girl" or "little." Good that you've realized that. Domming GG never really suited you, or satisfied you.
Now, it seems you want Maca AND some others to take care of your little side. You work so hard. You've got SO many kids and grandkids to care for. Makes sense you want a lover (or FWB or whatever you're suggesting) to do this for you when Maca isn't available.
Could you shelve this for a while though? You've got so much going on in your life. When does Maca come home?
LovingRadiance
Active member
Yes, it can be shelved for awhile.
The shitstorm has already calmed. Maca needed to regroup. He and I have talked briefly. (Is there anything else from so far away?) He needed to hear that I wasn't saying "this-- now!" Which I wasn't. I was saying I wanted to talk about it. We're already overdue for re-addressing our boundaries. (We try to look at them once every 3 months, even if only for a few minutes.)
But we've been SLAMMED, and this month is our negotiation time. He realized that and understood that it's the time I *should* be bringing it up for discussion.
No idea where things will go. But that's ok. Talking about it is more important to me right now than doing something about it.
As for him being home-- not until January.
The shitstorm has already calmed. Maca needed to regroup. He and I have talked briefly. (Is there anything else from so far away?) He needed to hear that I wasn't saying "this-- now!" Which I wasn't. I was saying I wanted to talk about it. We're already overdue for re-addressing our boundaries. (We try to look at them once every 3 months, even if only for a few minutes.)
But we've been SLAMMED, and this month is our negotiation time. He realized that and understood that it's the time I *should* be bringing it up for discussion.
No idea where things will go. But that's ok. Talking about it is more important to me right now than doing something about it.
As for him being home-- not until January.
LovingRadiance
Active member
He is. We both got our Skype set back up and figured out how to talk on it again. We aren't discussing the details of change or boundaries. We're just reconnecting.