Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

kdt26417

Official Greeter
2:47 p.m., Wednesday the 25th

We had takeout, yay! It was one of my very favorites, huevos rancheros. Afterwards, we did watch that next episode.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
1:55 p.m., Thursday the 26th

We watched another episode last night, we probably won't watch anything tonight, it being a worknight (of Black Friday no less). Dinner will be sausage, peppers, noodles, and gravy, a specialty of Snowbunny's and a favorite around here.

Brother-Husband and Snowbunny are both with Eddie at a short Barn Hunt practice (at 2:00 p.m.). At 4:00 p.m., Snowbunny will have a Zoom session with her mom. She and Brother-Husband had a Zoom session with his family earlier today.

That's all I have to tell you right now.
 

fuchka

Member
Well, I'm rather suggestible and this conversation will inevitably end with me playing on Chess.com too. I'm quite poor at chess so let's see how this goes....! My favourite game was with Lobe at a Yoko Ono exhibition where one of the interactive exhibits was a chess game with all the pieces on both sides white. It was fun to play :p And not stressful at all hehe

Edit: Woah, I have been slack on this forum, I was a whole page behind! I usually have no more than a few posts of your blog to catch up on, Kevin. I was quite late to the chess party it seems. I didn't spot there was another page of comments to read before replying. Oh well!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
3:12 p.m., Friday the 27th

No problem fuchka, I am still very much into Chess.com and have two games going ... "daily games" as they're called, one of them allows three days per move, and the other, five days per move. So you can definitely play at your own pace. As for being a beginner, you can play against easy computer players and win some games against them while learning a thing or two. Also the site has lessons you can do, to help you increase your knowledge of Chess and what will help you win more games.

And if you want, you could play against me, I am in the beginner-to-intermediate range, I know a lot of the principles but I make a lot of mistakes. Let me know if you're interested. My username on Chess.com is kdt26417 -- the same as it is here. I think you have to get a paid subscription if you want to get past the beginner lessons. I got their premium subscription, it's about $100.00 per year and to me, well worth it. They do have a couple of less-expensive plans and, of course, free accounts. I started with a free account, then upgraded.

Chess is a really cool game. Even though I'm not very good at it. It's fascinating, some of the tricky high jinks one can get up to. Chess.com has a few "features" that are a little funky, it took me a little while to learn how to work the site, but overall I really like it there. You can chat during games, backtrack through past moves, and have the computer thoroughly analyze your game, identifying best moves and mistakes, showing the whole game and key moments within that game. And that's just what I have tried so far. I'd love to friend you there, let me know if you go for it, and which username you use!
 

fuchka

Member
Hey thanks for your welcome message on chess.com! I wrote a reply but when I posted it, it said "you cannot add links in your messages" and it had cleared my whole message. I had mentioned Polyamory.com in the message so I guess that's what set it off. Once I lick my wounds and have a clear window, I'll try again!

Pleased to meet your chessly acquaintance :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
2:09 p.m., Saturday the 28th

Welcome to Chess.com, glad to be your friend there, the site is a bit quirky and takes some getting used to.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
2:32 p.m., Sunday the 29th

Gah! How could I be so stupid as to not protect both of my center pawns in the opening? Now, as punishment for my stupidity (in my game against CmMrsn), I must carry on while short one pawn (I feel so mutilated), plus I must lose a tempo struggling to move my queen out of danger. Rats. Rats rats rats.

It's just a game, but jeezh. It would have been so easy to play that little detail the smart way. Wouldn't it? Now the whole game will proceed under the shadow of that mistake. I'm screwed, I'm gonna lose. Yes I suppose I am being a little overly dramatic. But if there's one thing I've learned about Chess, it's that the whole game can teeter on the position of one pawn.
 

fuchka

Member
2:32 p.m., Sunday the 29th

Gah! How could I be so stupid as to not protect both of my center pawns in the opening? Now, as punishment for my stupidity (in my game against CmMrsn), I must carry on while short one pawn (I feel so mutilated), plus I must lose a tempo struggling to move my queen out of danger. Rats. Rats rats rats.

It's just a game, but jeezh. It would have been so easy to play that little detail the smart way. Wouldn't it? Now the whole game will proceed under the shadow of that mistake. I'm screwed, I'm gonna lose. Yes I suppose I am being a little overly dramatic. But if there's one thing I've learned about Chess, it's that the whole game can teeter on the position of one pawn.
I love your description of this. I don't know if chess auto-commentating is a thing many people do, but you're good at it!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
12:53 p.m., Monday the 30th

If I could choose, I'd want to commentate when I'm winning. As it is, I'm in the process, right now, of paying for my pawn mistake. My positional security is falling apart like the house of cards that it is. Though to be honest, it's not just because of that one pawn, CmMrsn is playing on a more advanced level than me, taking advantages of hidden threats and opportunities that would be a little harder for me to notice than just keeping an eye on my pawns. Technically I'm only behind in material by one pawn, but I anticipate losing some very important pieces very soon.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
4:48 p.m., Tuesday the 1st

Today kind of sucks. Yesterday after dinner I was super tired, and I did not brush. I think my plan, of staying up later and getting up earlier, is not working out. As matters now stand, I can't think of a better plan. Maybe go to bed earlier, and try to get up earlier. Do a Chess lesson, and a practice game against a computer player, first thing in the morning after my chores (such as letting Eddie out to go potty). Have my two daily games (versus human opponents) open for most of the day. That last part actually doesn't matter much because usually my human opponents only do one move per day. I would like to get up earlier, but it seems that I need quite a bit of sleep/rest.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
3:46 p.m., Wednesday the 2nd

Good guawd, I suck at Chess on most days, but today I suck on an epic level. I'm about to lose a rook to CmMrsn -- no surprise there. But then in my game against Snowbunny, she just snagged my queen at no cost to her! Sooo humiliated. Hell I even lost for the first time to a computer player, due to an amazingly fast checkmate. As usual, the reason for all these losses is that I overlook critical dangers. This is the reason why I can't advance to a higher level. My daily game rating is 1184. In my opinion, I'm way overrated. I'm out of my depth. I shouldn't complain, Snowbunny keeps losing to me and yet keeps on playing. Hell I'll probably win this game against her, even though she still has her queen and I lost mine. Then again, the way I've been playing ...
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
3:04 p.m., Thursday the 3rd

I knew I was sorely lacking in my Chess skills, but things are worse than I had imagined. I am overlooking one thing after another, stupid easy things that should be simple to detect. Of course, I'm pretty sure that CmMrsn is more advanced than me, much better at looking ahead several moves, and at just detecting various lines of attacks. But losing a queen to Snowbunny? There is something seriously wrong with my brain.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
3:29 p.m., Friday the 4th

Yesterday, SB had a Barn Hunt practice with Eddie, and, as is the tradition with me and BH on Barn Hunt nights, we watched something on TV, in this case another episode of Mandalorian. And, tonight is not a worknight, so we will probably watch an episode tonight as well. Last night BH got Little Caesars for us; I don't know what we'll have tonight.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
2:59 p.m., Saturday the 5th

We did watch an episode. SB got home late, and didn't want to cook, so we had Taco Bell. Today I am feeling somewhat more stressed-out than usual. This is all I have to tell you for now.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
6:06 p.m., Sunday the 6th

Last night, SB had to work an extra day from home. The credit union is doing a huge hardware and software upgrade, so SB had to pull an all-nighter.

Rewind back a couple of days, I was scrounging around for something to drink, and found a few energy drinks in the fridges (both the regular fridge and the little fridge), so I had a couple of those. I did not connect the dots, and my Spidey-sense did not go off. So yesterday, I had a third can of those.

A few hours later, SB confronted me. "Did you drink the energy drinks in the fridge?"

Now my Spidey-sense started tingling. "Uh ... yeah I had a few ..."

SB sounded very disappointed, disappointed in me, in the situation, or in both. "Those were mine. I was going to drink those tonight so I could stay awake for work."

"Oh," I said. "Uh ... sorry."

She had nothing more to say about that. She just turned and walked away.

As the weight of the situation started to settle on me, I quickly started to feel torn between intense anger, and a wild guilt trip. I couldn't understand why she didn't tell me that before, in retrospect I think maybe it just slipped her mind at the time, but right then, after she walked out on me, I felt like she had prepared a big old pit trap for me, and I had stepped right into it. I could have said, "Why didn't you tell me?" but I think she would have replied, something like, "I shouldn't have to," or, "You could have asked," or one of my favorites, "I did tell you." Thus, remembering a different reality than what I remembered, making me feel gaslighted, and like it was now my word against hers. Best not even go there.

As far as I know, she got through the night well enough, and by now the whole fiasco no longer bothers her, nor even crosses her mind. And I am not inclined to raise the subject. But I'm not completely recovered.

By the way, I didn't brush last night.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
4:56 p.m., Monday the 7th

Hell, it turns out, BH went out that night and bought her some (more) energy drinks. So I don't think she had to go without at all! :mad:

Yeah, I'm just a selfish bastard. I don't think about how anyone else feels. I see those energy drinks and I get greedy. Who cares that SB has to stay up all night working? That doesn't concern me. :mad:

Then again, I really am selfish. I would have preferred not to have drank those drinks, not just because I wouldn't have wanted to screw SB over, but also because I wouldn't have wanted to get in trouble (like I did) for screwing things up. I'd like things to run as smoothly as possible.

So today, instead of energy drinks, I went out and bought some alcohol. (With my Christmas money.) So there.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m not sure why she should be disappointed in you - this is her issue. If they were for something important, she should have marked them as such. Plus, she’s an adult. She could easily go out and buy more, right? And she did. It has nothing at all to do with selfishness! Unless you did know they were hers and those were your thoughts - which I don't think they were. Don't beat yourself up over this. You didn't have intent to be a jerkface here.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
4:06 p.m., Tuesday the 8th

Intellectually, I can work it out in my mind that I am not a selfish person, I realize that I did not know that she was setting those drinks aside for whatever reason. Unfortunately, I have self-criticizing tendencies that are left over from my childhood, and it doesn't take much to set those tendencies off. In my mind, I may know that I am not to blame, but in my heart, I feel like I am a selfish bastard for not asking if those drinks were set aside for whatever reason, or for not listening when I was (supposedly) told that the drinks were set aside. Like I just didn't listen. Because I'm such a selfish bastard. In my mind, I know that's not how it is, but emotionally, I can't work my way around it.

It takes awhile to recover from this kind of thing, although I do eventually recover. In the meantime, I feel both guilty and angry. Guilty because emotionally, I feel like I was in the wrong as was indicated to me; angry because on some level, I know it's not fair for me to feel that way, and then I transfer blame for that feeling onto the person (SB) who said the words that (so quickly) led to me feeling that way.

I am mostly recovered at this point, but not completely. I know it might happen again, and I will probably never touch another energy drink for the rest of my life, or at least that's how I feel on a residual level. In the meantime, I am inclined to not talk much to SB. And she knows I am pissed. We could of course discuss it more, but I don't want to feel gaslit on top of everything else. So we just wait for this to blow over.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
3:44 p.m., Wednesday the 9th

SB seems to feel that everything is hunky dory now. I am kind of going along with that, but I have to say it makes me uncomfortable. For the moment.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
1:15 p.m., Thursday the 10th

SB had a dental appointment today (10:00 a.m.), so she took the day off from work. I'm surprised she's not back from her appointment, she must be shopping or something. Since she's off, I don't have to let Eddie out. That's a plus for me.
 
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