Kiss and Tell

[UP8]

A lover has some expectation of privacy. They say "discreet" is a keyword for cheating mono, but I think everybody has information they want to protect.

My wife and I talk about everything. I'm under no obligation to tell her anything, but if I didn't restrain myself I'd end up telling her a lot about any metamour.

One reason I was disappointed with Tony Ravenscroft's book is that he is sketchy about the details and reveals almost nothing about his metamours which leaves one wondering: "is this guy for real?", "why is every story about himself?"

More information would make stories appear more veridical and come to more clear moral conclusions. Opinions would be grounded. There is a reason to be open but I think a poly person has all the more reason to be "discreet" and that's a great area to talk about ground rules for.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi UP8,

Who is this Tony Ravenscroft, and what is this book that he wrote? I couldn't find it on Amazon.

I'm sure it would be difficult to tell a story about oneself, when one's (ex?) partners want/expect their privacy to be maintained/protected.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[icesong]

This one: https://www.amazon.com/Polyamory-Roadmaps-Clueless-Anthony-Ravenscroft/dp/1890109533/ref=mp_s_a_1_2

He was formerly a member of this board under the handle Ravenscroft, though as I recall he had some rather strong opinions and was not particularly polite about expressing them.

 

[kdt26417]

Oh whoops, I forgot that Tony is short for Anthony.

Ravenscroft was the same guy? Wow, I would have never suspected.

 

[Evie]

Heh, I wondered if it was the same Ravenscroft. That was so long ago

 

[icesong]

Heh, I wondered if it was the same Ravenscroft. That was so long ago

Oh, yeah, every so often he’d mention the book…

 

[kdt26417]

Okay, sounds like the same guy. I'm just good at overlooking things.

 

[Magdlyn]

LOL the reviews are very amusing.

 

[MeeraReed]

oh THAT Ravenscroft, LOL

Claimed to have been a poly expert in the 1980s or so, but his stories about his present relationships were always rather vague.

 

[UP8]

I had a creative writing teacher in high school who said "The Specific is Terrific".

So many of the articles I've read online about polyamory seem meaningful to me because they are full of specifics and personal details. On one level poly seems like common sense, but on another level it is so far from people's experience that leaving things to people's imagination just gives them a license to dream up something crazy.

Myself I have been struggling to find the right level of self-disclosure. Sometimes if I speak in generalities people think I have something to hide or attack me as a symbol for what they think I stand for. If I try to defend myself without bringing in specifics that just makes me look like a more cagey and reprehensible symbol. I can get a sympathetic response consistently if I reveal parts of the story that aren't entirely mine to tell, but I don't want to do that.

 

[Evie]

With what "audience" are you trying to communicate?