Learning about poly and open minded

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Bwilde90

New member
Hello, I’m very new to everything 😂. I’m starting to learn a lot about poly. And I’m black sheep of the family. So I’m here trying to figure this beautiful life out. I’m married to my wonderful husband for ten years and he met this beautiful lady from work. My husband has a beautiful heart and loves helping people and making sure they’ll taken care of. So he came across this lady at work and he felt that he needs to be in her life and be there for her. Also she’s very attractive. He and she gotten to know each other and realize she has fallen in love with him just because of who he is and his heart he has for me as his wife. And how much me and my husband had went through together. She has nobody for support and she’s very independent but sometimes nice to have somebody to depend on for whatever she needs help with. He told me and her that we’re very similar and have a lot in common. ISo, he didn’t know how to approach me about me and her being the best of friends and he truly care about us. He’s very protective of us and he would doing anything for us. Also wanted us to be in community and be there for another. He couldn’t describe what it is and what he’s feeling about her and us being together but he knew we’re all going to be together. He wanted us to meet and show that this lady needs us. So I told him I would like to meet her. So we met and man! It was so wonderful meeting her and we had a good time! I understood why he wanted us to meet. So I’m excited where this takes us to next.

Is it weird that I was willing to meet her and see what he’s talking about? Also for me unlearning the monogamy is a nerve wracking thing for me because I’ve known about the Bible and supposed to be that way
 
Greetings Bwilde90,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you're just getting started on your poly adventure, you've come to the right place for tips and tricks and feedback. It is not weird that you were willing to meet your husband's new girlfriend. She sounds like a nice person, as do you. It speaks highly of you, that you are being so supportive of him in something like this that is off the beaten path. If it is hard to unlearn the monogamous programming, that is surely understandable. I hope Polyamory.com can help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Welcome.

Gently... is there a reason you, husband, and Lady can't be friends? Why does it have to lead into polyamory? From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re considering a triad or a V, where you all date each other, or he dates both of you.

Is this really a good idea, him dating a coworker? Could this create workplace problems? Can you or he afford that risk?

He and she gotten to know each other, and realize she has fallen in love with him just because of who he is and his heart he has for me as his wife. And how much me and my husband had went through together.
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Why is he sharing intimate details of your life with a coworker that is a stranger to you? Did you even consent to him doing that? To me, it sounds like husband was oversharing, which can complicate boundaries.

He felt he needs to be in her life and be there for her.
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You said he felt he needs to be in her life and be there for her. It’s okay to be kind, but “needs” sounds a bit like white-knighting. And/or he's caught up in his crush feelings and maybe a little carried away.

You’re being generous in meeting Lady, but nothing obligates you to sign up for polyamory if that’s not what you want. Much less dating the same person your husband wants to date. Tread carefully.

He’s very protective of us and he would doing anything for us.
Click to expand...

Including letting this crush go and leaving it as friends?

He wanted us to be in community and be there for another. He couldn’t describe what it is and what he’s feeling about her and us being together but he knew we’re all going to be together.
Click to expand...

Husband cannot predict the future or make decisions for you or Lady. You have your own voices.

You can’t force your husband to stick with monogamy if he doesn’t want that anymore. But he also can’t force you to sign up for a new deal called “polyamory” if that’s not what you want.

You might not want polyamory at all. Or maybe you do want it, but not like THIS -- involved with a coworker, pushing for a triad, pushing for a group-sex threesome, whatever this is. It is unclear in your post what your husband wants.

Whatever you decide, your consent to do things or not belongs to YOU. You don't have to do stuff just to please your husband.

So carefully consider what it is YOU want. If it's that "polyamory" is a new idea and you are kind of taken up with it? It's fine to think about new ideas. It's ok to fantasize. Maybe husband having a work crush on Lady is a game changer -- because she lit up the idea.

But that doesn't mean you have to jump in to date HER. It's ok to take some time learning about polyamory first and how this might change the marriage before actually dating other people.

A triad is easy to imagine -- "Just like us before! But with three!" But the reality is different. Do you really want to be competing with your husband for Lady's attention? What if she likes one of you more than the other? If she breaks up with one, can she keep dating the other one? Sometimes it’s healthier to date separate people rather than dating the same person and dealing with the complications that come with it.

There’s a lot to think about if you’re seriously considering this. You might look at this section of the board. It's ok to be excited about new things, but you could take it one step at a time.


HTH!

Galagirl
 
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I think that if you feel a connection with one another and your happy then do what makes u happy and don’t worry about what anyone has to say you both have a big heart to love another person and that’s a good thing
 
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