Leaving with someone else

I'm sure you're all right and just telling me something I don't want to hear. I have five years of love, friendship, tears, pain and joy invested in this man. I've never felt so strongly about anyone and for so long. As much as he tells me he feels the same way, he doesn't show me, at least not the way I need to be shown. I just don't know how to let go of him.
 
You could stop dating him. Also stop hanging around with him for a time even if he's your friend. Take a time out. Then the old feelings can have a chance to die down. And new "friends only" feelings can ensue. Once you are past the romantic feelings, then you can trying hanging out as friends.

I think you need to take that break. Because otherwise you keep on fueling the romantic / crush feelings and they don't get a chance to chill out.

Galagirl
 
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So I see this as two issues:

1.) Where is my socialization support network?

When it comes to socialization I, personally, need a lot of support/safety. As an introvert who can play the extrovert I like knowing at least a few (3 is a good number) of the people at an event so I can rotate amongst them and not feel that I am keeping any one of them from enjoying the company of other people there. I often do find a "new person" to converse with and then my support people are "off the hook" for the socialization part (the strangers that I tend to connect with are ones that like to have very long and deep conversations about very geeky things that don't interest too many other people - go figure:rolleyes:) Usually my support people will check in with me every so often - I like this!

2.) How is everyone going to get home safely?

I, personally, am more comfortable if I know the "plan" - who is going to be there, who is driving, who is coming home with me, etc. MrS is always very cognizant of this (after all he has known me for 24 years:D). Dude is learning, and (now) will often remember to ask and give me a "heads up" if he is going to change horses/plans mid-stream (he is more spontaneous and tends to make spur of the moment decisions without thinking of how that will affect others - but he is getting better at letting me know when it occurs to him, so I have time to get used to the new plan, as opposed to waiting until the last minute).

It also depends on the event - if we are at a friend's house in town and I want to go home because I have to work in the AM but one or the other or both of them want to stay I don't really have an issue going home alone. I know where they are and can come get them in the morning if no one else brings them home. I would be less comfortable leaving them at an event in the big city unless I knew that they had arranged "safe transport" to a known location (i.e. a sober driver to a friend's house that I know).
 
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telling me something I don't want to hear.
There ya go.

Look, if polyamory is truly your chosen path, then (speaking only for myself) I truly WANT you to succeed, as in to be happy. It's not an easy road. Meanness is easy -- it lacks dsciplne. If you are willing to undergo the necessary insight, then )to me) there are clearly people hereabouts willing to share their experience & insights to do what they can as faceless stranger to help you.

I do not "know you" & likely never will. But our paths might be similar, & why should I see you suffer when I've already done some of the work?
 
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