This is gibberish! Why do you keep wanting to put monogamy into the polyamory category? You are aware that poly is a form of non-monogamy, no?
Ok, but then so is serial monogamy a form of non-monogamy. I'm not trying to put monogamy in the polyamory category. I'm saying that complete devotion to a single person can occur in various ways or at particular moments and this probably happens in poly relationships too. Surely there are some moments when you just get lost in the person you're with and you stop thinking about anyone else. That doesn't make you an absolute monogamist or even a serial monogamist, but it is still a form of "monogamous consciousness." Likewise, I think you could call it "polyamorous consciousness" at moments in a monogamous relationship where attention for someone else plays a role in your relationship, like when you watch a George Clooney movie and the thought of him makes you extra frisky in bed with your spouse that night.
It's not punishment. This is the internet, guy, grow a set, OK?
I don't think "punishment" was my word, originally, but I couldn't find the relevant post when scrolling back.
In some ways, as a dog is like a horse, as previously stated! God, you have shit reading comprehension skills and memory retention.
I doubt you're an academic, except in your own mind.
You swear you're not trying to insult me until I go away? It seems like it when you say things like this.
Sure, a poly partner shares some basics with a mono partner. But there are differences, and that's what this board is for. Your poly partner, even when fucking you, might be wearing a wedding ring or some other token of their OSO on their bodies. They might get a call or text from their OSO when on a date with you. They might be comparing you to the OSO in their minds. They might be thinking, "Oh, I can't wait to tell my OSO about what I just did with SO!" And the list goes on, ad infinitum.
I think I had a similar thing when I was married with the idea of my being married making me attractive to other women. I'd noticed this thing where women find you more attractive based on the woman you're with and I think I exploited that some. Is that different from poly? Why, because I wasn't in a loving relationship with the women I was trying to impress? Was I being completely faithful by trying to impress other women than my partner? If I was purely monogamous in my consciousness, wouldn't I have completely ignored how other women viewed me?
No, it doesn't! That's ridiculous. I am humbled every day at the courage and patience and intelligence of most of the posters here. Yet, I do not feel submissive towards any of them.
I would just call that "impressed" or "touched." I avoid "humility" because it's hierarchical and often falsified because it can be used to impress others.
Yes, you can, but you will be vilified for arrogance if you do. Which you are complaining about. A lot.
Wouldn't appreciation and respect suffice? Humility is so tacky - like lowering oneself in relation to others. Not everyone is into medieval culture.
Even if that were your agenda, it's not the subject of the board. Polyamory is. Not "true" poly, not "various forms of love," polyamory as individuals practice it, according to their needs and the needs of their partners.
So you're saying there's no place for discussing philosophy, thoughts, feelings, or other inner aspects without those being directly connected to multi-person physical relationships?
Your actual agenda seems to be to be self-aggrandizement and twisting language to make poly into something it isn't. Also, you are showing signs of needing help for your failed marriage-- beliefs and feelings about One True Love, and what to do when it ends.
Even if I was self-aggrandizing, it doesn't mean anyone else would have to aggrandize me. I get really annoyed with people who enforce their expectations of humility in others.
Help for my failed marriage? Well, it's something that I think about a lot and that comes out in my posts and maybe this forum is helping my get some perspective on relationships and feelings generally - but it sounds like you mean something more than that.
No, I just find it really fascinating that I was seriously into non-monogamy when I was young. I talked about it with my spouse but she would never talk about it much with me. Then I eventually settled into what I thought was the comfort of true monogamy and eventually the marriage ended and she has a bf now. I think it confused her that I would talk about the idea of open relationships, etc. because I find it interesting, but I always found it too risky to actually pursue that lifestyle and I could never tell if she was more disappointed that I brought it up in the first place or that I didn't pursue it to fruition. As you can tell, the communication was pretty poor. That's one of the reasons I wonder if the fear of being ridiculed for having poly feelings could be why she avoided communication so much. I feel bad even mentioning her specifically here b/c I always felt like she was hiding from attention and I wanted to protect her from whatever it was she was being secretive about. Can you see how this would make me poly-curious even though I'm too apprehensive about it to actually attempt to pursue multiple relationships?
Two concessions and humbling of self in one post. But like a "sandwich letter," the pretty stuff is on either end, and the meat is in the middle.
What do you expect, that you will insult me and I'll conform to your standards of how I should write in a post? I don't mind conceding when I'm wrong. It doesn't take humility to do so, just honesty.
