"Lifestyle"
- Thread starter abnormal
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SEASONEDpolyAgain
Well-known member
I think some people genuinely make it their lifestyle. By that, I mean they construct their whole lives around the accommodation of their relationship style. That might mean creating a network of friends and family who are wholly embracing of your polyamory. Having a job where you can be out. Socialising exclusively in poly friendly events and venues.
I think some people make "monogamous spouse and co-parent" their lifestyle in a similar way.
I think some people make "monogamous spouse and co-parent" their lifestyle in a similar way.
People who are familiar with swinging or BDSM culture usually transfer that lingo when they decide to try polyamory, which can be confusing to newcomers. Poly might be considered a "lifestyle" by some because you can't control what other people think and how they use language, but the general consensus is that poly isn't "a lifestyle" but an individual's way of relating to more than one person. As SPA said above, some people do choose it make it the defining characteristic around which all other aspects of their lives revolve, but this is not a requirement nor is it even the majority of polyamorous people who do this.
I personally dislike when people call polyamory "the lifestyle." That word is a euphemism for swinging, left over from the 1960s or 70s, to be all discreet about how you like to spouse swap or take part in casual group sex parties.
Polyamory does not need a euphemism, especially in this enlightened day and age. We don't call being pregnant "in the family way," or even use the term "expecting" much anymore. We can call sex "sex," not "marital intimacy" or some such term. We can call polyamory polyamory!
I'm probably more upfront and outspoken than many people, so I find this lifestyle term pretty annoying.
Polyamory does not need a euphemism, especially in this enlightened day and age. We don't call being pregnant "in the family way," or even use the term "expecting" much anymore. We can call sex "sex," not "marital intimacy" or some such term. We can call polyamory polyamory!
I'm probably more upfront and outspoken than many people, so I find this lifestyle term pretty annoying.
abnormal
Member
Exactly! This isn't a fun thing I'm trying on. It is a real, deeply-rooted part of myself
Hi abnormal,
"Lifestyle" is normally used for swinging, it only gets used for poly when someone is blurring the line between poly and swing. I personally prefer "lovestyle" for poly, although why not just call it poly (or polyamory)? That's my opinion anyway.
Regards,
Kevin T.
"Lifestyle" is normally used for swinging, it only gets used for poly when someone is blurring the line between poly and swing. I personally prefer "lovestyle" for poly, although why not just call it poly (or polyamory)? That's my opinion anyway.
Regards,
Kevin T.
EldritchDucky
Member
My read from my observation is that swinging is a thing that people simply do, and poly can better cover identity, individually and as a relationship.
"Lifestyle" evokes otherness and minority to me, both of which fit. They aren't the predominant relationship structure, features, or identity of the society hosting them. It would just be safer to call everything a lifestyle, as long as it's qualified with what lifestyle it is. Honestly, I think "the lifestyle" for swinging is simply a genericized trademark of non-monogamy, like "Xerox" and "Band-Aid". As such, I think swinging should lose that metaphorical court case. Here comes "The Swinging-Brand Lifestyle".
Also, consider how swingers treat themselves as being an exclusive breed while poly is really open to anyone. "Lifestyle" makes me think of country clubs, and I think that fits the word better.
A thought that occured to me as I was typing: you can do swinging, do it well, and never step too far from the basic relationship skills you need for monogamy. The noteworthy skill difference to me is reclaiming which tends to arise naturally from the ownership mentality of monogamy and even occurs in cases where there's outright cheating involved. That's a noteworthy difference from poly to me: you never "reclaim" a partner from a meta because they were never yours to own.
"Lifestyle" evokes otherness and minority to me, both of which fit. They aren't the predominant relationship structure, features, or identity of the society hosting them. It would just be safer to call everything a lifestyle, as long as it's qualified with what lifestyle it is. Honestly, I think "the lifestyle" for swinging is simply a genericized trademark of non-monogamy, like "Xerox" and "Band-Aid". As such, I think swinging should lose that metaphorical court case. Here comes "The Swinging-Brand Lifestyle".
Also, consider how swingers treat themselves as being an exclusive breed while poly is really open to anyone. "Lifestyle" makes me think of country clubs, and I think that fits the word better.
A thought that occured to me as I was typing: you can do swinging, do it well, and never step too far from the basic relationship skills you need for monogamy. The noteworthy skill difference to me is reclaiming which tends to arise naturally from the ownership mentality of monogamy and even occurs in cases where there's outright cheating involved. That's a noteworthy difference from poly to me: you never "reclaim" a partner from a meta because they were never yours to own.
abnormal
Member
You have a point!