polyamitoo
New member
Hello!
I first just want to say how appreciative I am that this forum exists, and that I can fall on the collective knowledge of poly folks in a safe space. I'm pretty outgoing and not abashed about being OUT in a crowd (of strangers) but corona quarantine has really made it difficult for me to network with some poly folks, and im struggling.
My now husband and I started dating when I was freshly 20. I am now 30. We've had our ups and downs, but our struggles have brought us close and made us strong. We experienced homelessness together. He is a raised-in-traditionalism African, military-raised, Catholic, and me, a white, middle class, daughter-of-a-second-wave-feminist-scholar, feminist. I learned so much about my privileges, and he learned so much about gender and sexuality. He helped me get comfortable with the word God, and my faith is stronger than ever. We're soul mates, and I could never love another person like I love him.
I was out as bisexual when he and I started dating, but ours was my first real relationship, and I had only had 1 or 2 sexual encounters with women at that point. his perception of bisexuality evolved from "that's hot," to, "Oh ok, this is a real attraction for you," to, "Oh ok, you can actually love people of other genders." Every year around pride we have the "OK, it's pride.." talk, but nothing ever came of it. I'm not into dating apps, there are only bars for gay men where I live, and the few times I could carry a conversation with a woman, she'd run after finding out I was married. I also consider myself Demi-sexual when it comes to women, and finally found "sexually fluid" to be the most fitting term for me last year. In November I finally met someone who was on board for it, for purely sexual reasons, but you know how these things go. This was my first sexual or romantic experience with another person in 9 years.
Before, I knew people identified as poly, but it could only ever be a situation for me. I could never love someone like I loved my husband. Then I experienced head-over-heels, accelerating-down-a-mountain kind of NRE for this girl. I literally told her I felt like I was standing on the edge of the earth. Of course, she's a tattoos, motorcycle, brooding but she writes poetry kind of STEM. I had to rewire my whole brain and spirituality for poly. But this is not my biggest struggle.
She decided poly wasn't for her (because it was supposed to be just sex, right?) and that's cool. we're friends and still close. but like. all I can think about now is women. not just genitalia. sadly I dont have any bisexual friends to talk this out with, but... is this just how women love? maybe she could only articulate the words on paper, and didn't even want to show them to me, but her energy was pulsating. remember, my husband comes from a traditional background, so emotional intimacy is something he struggles with, but we've come a long way. he's so supportive, knows im sexually fluid and that all I can think about is vulva. but that is trust, not emotional intimacy... right?
The beauty of poly is that you can have all different types of relationships. I read more than two (I know it has its problems) but I love that Eve is married even though she's not attracted to her husband. My husband read it too, but that part made him uncomfortable. He doesn't think he could be in a relationship without attraction, even if there isn't sex. So part of me feels like I need to slap a more finite label on my sexuality.
So, 1. was it just the person and not the girl, plus my NRE? 2. Is it that this is what REAL emotional intimacy is supposed to feel like? or, 3. Do women just love differently? I guess that's my real question. Does loving a woman always feel like this? Apparently this feeling is enough for me to skip over sexual fluidity, which I humbly think is the most scientific approach to bisexuality, and go straight to, "maybe Im actually gay."
I first just want to say how appreciative I am that this forum exists, and that I can fall on the collective knowledge of poly folks in a safe space. I'm pretty outgoing and not abashed about being OUT in a crowd (of strangers) but corona quarantine has really made it difficult for me to network with some poly folks, and im struggling.
My now husband and I started dating when I was freshly 20. I am now 30. We've had our ups and downs, but our struggles have brought us close and made us strong. We experienced homelessness together. He is a raised-in-traditionalism African, military-raised, Catholic, and me, a white, middle class, daughter-of-a-second-wave-feminist-scholar, feminist. I learned so much about my privileges, and he learned so much about gender and sexuality. He helped me get comfortable with the word God, and my faith is stronger than ever. We're soul mates, and I could never love another person like I love him.
I was out as bisexual when he and I started dating, but ours was my first real relationship, and I had only had 1 or 2 sexual encounters with women at that point. his perception of bisexuality evolved from "that's hot," to, "Oh ok, this is a real attraction for you," to, "Oh ok, you can actually love people of other genders." Every year around pride we have the "OK, it's pride.." talk, but nothing ever came of it. I'm not into dating apps, there are only bars for gay men where I live, and the few times I could carry a conversation with a woman, she'd run after finding out I was married. I also consider myself Demi-sexual when it comes to women, and finally found "sexually fluid" to be the most fitting term for me last year. In November I finally met someone who was on board for it, for purely sexual reasons, but you know how these things go. This was my first sexual or romantic experience with another person in 9 years.
Before, I knew people identified as poly, but it could only ever be a situation for me. I could never love someone like I loved my husband. Then I experienced head-over-heels, accelerating-down-a-mountain kind of NRE for this girl. I literally told her I felt like I was standing on the edge of the earth. Of course, she's a tattoos, motorcycle, brooding but she writes poetry kind of STEM. I had to rewire my whole brain and spirituality for poly. But this is not my biggest struggle.
She decided poly wasn't for her (because it was supposed to be just sex, right?) and that's cool. we're friends and still close. but like. all I can think about now is women. not just genitalia. sadly I dont have any bisexual friends to talk this out with, but... is this just how women love? maybe she could only articulate the words on paper, and didn't even want to show them to me, but her energy was pulsating. remember, my husband comes from a traditional background, so emotional intimacy is something he struggles with, but we've come a long way. he's so supportive, knows im sexually fluid and that all I can think about is vulva. but that is trust, not emotional intimacy... right?
The beauty of poly is that you can have all different types of relationships. I read more than two (I know it has its problems) but I love that Eve is married even though she's not attracted to her husband. My husband read it too, but that part made him uncomfortable. He doesn't think he could be in a relationship without attraction, even if there isn't sex. So part of me feels like I need to slap a more finite label on my sexuality.
So, 1. was it just the person and not the girl, plus my NRE? 2. Is it that this is what REAL emotional intimacy is supposed to feel like? or, 3. Do women just love differently? I guess that's my real question. Does loving a woman always feel like this? Apparently this feeling is enough for me to skip over sexual fluidity, which I humbly think is the most scientific approach to bisexuality, and go straight to, "maybe Im actually gay."