LauraCharnas
New member
Hi everyone, my name is Laura, I'm 26 years old, I'm from germany and I am in a mono relationsship even though I'm polyamorous. But let's start from the beginning:
About 3 years ago I met my boyfriend Michael at university. I was very attracted to him, but I had no clue, that he felt the same for me. Also I planed to move away in a few month, so I thought a relationship could not work. I hid my feelings but at the same time I felt in love with him more and more.
One evening at a concert I met another guy, named Chucky. Chucky was in a open marriage and we started dating, even though we lived an 3 hour drive away from each other. I told Chucky about my feeling for Michael and Chucky encouraged me to tell Michael, so I did.
Michael and I started dating, but I also felt in love with Chucky too. At this time i realized, that I can love more than one person at the same time. I reserched, learned about polyamory and it fit perfectly to my situation/feelings.
I told Michael about Chucky and that I'm polyamorous. He struggled a lot with this, but he tried to understand me. We talked a lot about possible ways of polygamy, our feeling and our fears, but in conclusion Michael didn't wanted to 'share' me. Because Chucky was so far away (and also an emotional mess who didn't treated me very good) I broke up with him to live in a monogamy with Michael. To be honest, I don't know why I thought this could work. I guess I just didn't wanted to lose Michael.
We are now more than 2 years together and also engaged. I love him and want to spent the rest of my life with him, BUT a few month ago I felt in love with another guy at work, named Jason.
Jason and I had a lot fun working together, we enjoyed each others company and became friends. Slowly a realized my feelings for him but I tried to ignore them and just continuted as if nothing happend.
One day, Jason and I were fooling around and I kissed him. It was beautiful, but I also felt guilty. We made out a couple of time and even had sex. I didn't tell Michael about it because I didn't want to hurt him (Yes. I know this isn't okay at all and i hate myself for my behavior).
I felt so guilty that I decided to tell Michael everything. He was so angry and we almost broke up. He still isn't willing to 'share' me at all and I told him, that I would stop the thing with Jason. Jason agrees, that this would probably be the best, because he feels guilty too. We try to have as little contact at work as possible, but it is nearly impossible, because of the working conditions. So at work Jason and I both suffer and at home Michael and I both suffer.
It is just a giant mess and it can't go on like this. I don't want to lose Michael but I can't stay away from Jason. I am really trying to lose my feelings for Jason, but I don't know how.
Allthough Michael said he would give me time for this, he is starting to lose patience. He is hurted, because I'm still in love with Jason and I know that he suffers a lot. Also we are fighting every day about everything. We are annoyed by each other and being home feels like hell. On the other hand, Michael and I had a very good time together. I think we could work this out but at the moment it just seems impossible.
Well, this is my messed up story. I'm thankful for every helpful comment
About 3 years ago I met my boyfriend Michael at university. I was very attracted to him, but I had no clue, that he felt the same for me. Also I planed to move away in a few month, so I thought a relationship could not work. I hid my feelings but at the same time I felt in love with him more and more.
One evening at a concert I met another guy, named Chucky. Chucky was in a open marriage and we started dating, even though we lived an 3 hour drive away from each other. I told Chucky about my feeling for Michael and Chucky encouraged me to tell Michael, so I did.
Michael and I started dating, but I also felt in love with Chucky too. At this time i realized, that I can love more than one person at the same time. I reserched, learned about polyamory and it fit perfectly to my situation/feelings.
I told Michael about Chucky and that I'm polyamorous. He struggled a lot with this, but he tried to understand me. We talked a lot about possible ways of polygamy, our feeling and our fears, but in conclusion Michael didn't wanted to 'share' me. Because Chucky was so far away (and also an emotional mess who didn't treated me very good) I broke up with him to live in a monogamy with Michael. To be honest, I don't know why I thought this could work. I guess I just didn't wanted to lose Michael.
We are now more than 2 years together and also engaged. I love him and want to spent the rest of my life with him, BUT a few month ago I felt in love with another guy at work, named Jason.
Jason and I had a lot fun working together, we enjoyed each others company and became friends. Slowly a realized my feelings for him but I tried to ignore them and just continuted as if nothing happend.
One day, Jason and I were fooling around and I kissed him. It was beautiful, but I also felt guilty. We made out a couple of time and even had sex. I didn't tell Michael about it because I didn't want to hurt him (Yes. I know this isn't okay at all and i hate myself for my behavior).
I felt so guilty that I decided to tell Michael everything. He was so angry and we almost broke up. He still isn't willing to 'share' me at all and I told him, that I would stop the thing with Jason. Jason agrees, that this would probably be the best, because he feels guilty too. We try to have as little contact at work as possible, but it is nearly impossible, because of the working conditions. So at work Jason and I both suffer and at home Michael and I both suffer.
It is just a giant mess and it can't go on like this. I don't want to lose Michael but I can't stay away from Jason. I am really trying to lose my feelings for Jason, but I don't know how.
Allthough Michael said he would give me time for this, he is starting to lose patience. He is hurted, because I'm still in love with Jason and I know that he suffers a lot. Also we are fighting every day about everything. We are annoyed by each other and being home feels like hell. On the other hand, Michael and I had a very good time together. I think we could work this out but at the moment it just seems impossible.
Well, this is my messed up story. I'm thankful for every helpful comment
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