Married and Poly?
- Thread starter RitaFire
- Start date
inlovewith2
New member
Married for 14 years, poly for 1
DavidWebb and I have been married for a bit ;-) and opened our marriage about a year ago! Neither of us ever thought it would look like this but we sure are making the best of it!
DavidWebb and I have been married for a bit ;-) and opened our marriage about a year ago! Neither of us ever thought it would look like this but we sure are making the best of it!
WaywardDruid
New member
ooh ooh ... us ... us
Ummm
That would be us ...
Been together for 36 years - married for 34 - Poly/Open marriage from the beginning - the circles continue to turn.
Just Us,
Tim & Trisha
Ummm
That would be us ...
Been together for 36 years - married for 34 - Poly/Open marriage from the beginning - the circles continue to turn.
Just Us,
Tim & Trisha
AnnabelMore
Active member
Never married, never wanted to be married. My girlfriend is, though. 
I think this is a different question from the one you asked though
It seems a bunch of people who are married where poly before they married, rather than getting married then coming out. So I don't think the answers are going to be that useful to answer your question...I assume it's more challenging if you have to adapt to a poly situation than if you start into one right away. Seems kind of a no-brainer to me. Some people might find they fall into it "naturally" though, if they're both poly. It's when one partner comes out as poly and the other isn't that it would be an issue.
Derbylicious
New member
My husband and I were monogamous for a lot of years before exploring poly. We've been together for 17 years now, we started discussing non-monogamy about 7(ish) years ago. We have always had some openness to our relationship though, kissing and flirting were always understood as being ok for us to be involved in with others.
Carma
New member
Married to Sundance for 12 years. Starting crushing on Butch Cassidy about 5 years ago. Crush turned into an affair, which almost caused a divorce, but instead (happily) led us to a polyamorous V on 10-10-10. It's been a bronco ride ever since! VERY challenging for Sundance. I love him so much for hanging on for the ride
AnotherConfused
New member
Married 12 years, still sexually monogamous.
If it weren't for this forum I'd be having emotional affairs (cheating without sex) but thanks to all you lovely people who like to give advice here, it is all in the open now. I consider myself emotionally polyamorous and my husband accepts me for that.
I can't tell you how grateful I am, for the help I've gotten from this community. Life-changing advice, really. Thanks!
If it weren't for this forum I'd be having emotional affairs (cheating without sex) but thanks to all you lovely people who like to give advice here, it is all in the open now. I consider myself emotionally polyamorous and my husband accepts me for that.
I can't tell you how grateful I am, for the help I've gotten from this community. Life-changing advice, really. Thanks!
polyexplorer
New member
Been married to my wife for 20 years. Came from a religious background. We were each other's first kiss and first boyfriend and girlfriend. We were virgins at our wedding. It goes without saying our intention was to be monogomous until "death do us part".
Six years ago I met another woman who I developed feelings for and was very honest with my wife about it. She struggled but saw that it was a good thing. Her struggle got the best of her and we are still working it all through six years later!
Just lately my wife is just now becoming more open about it all (meanwhile the other woman who I had feelings for has not been able to hang around for 6 years She needed to pull away while we sorted things out. Perhaps things will change in the future!). But my wife has started exploring another relationship for herself! This is really enlarging her as a person, which is fantastic!
I would love to be in another relationship, but one has not eventuated yet...
The journey continues...
Six years ago I met another woman who I developed feelings for and was very honest with my wife about it. She struggled but saw that it was a good thing. Her struggle got the best of her and we are still working it all through six years later!
Just lately my wife is just now becoming more open about it all (meanwhile the other woman who I had feelings for has not been able to hang around for 6 years
She needed to pull away while we sorted things out. Perhaps things will change in the future!). But my wife has started exploring another relationship for herself! This is really enlarging her as a person, which is fantastic!I would love to be in another relationship, but one has not eventuated yet...
The journey continues...
JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
Been thinking a lot about marriage and longer-term poly relationships now that my relationship with Dude (and therefore our Vee) has passed the 1 year mark and MrS and I are coming up on our 16th wedding anniversary. Reading through old threads on the topic and came across this thread.
I realize that many people probably don't post as much when things have settled down so I am curious to know how these longer-term poly relationships are going. Any updates from the original posters in this thread? Any newer posters that are married and involved in stable relationships that have passed the NRE phase? (I know I have seen a few in that past few months).
For the record (as it pertains to the conversation in this thread), MrS and I got married without the expectation of monogamy. The form that this non-monogamy has taken and our agreements have evolved over time (which is not inconsistent with the vows that we made to each other). Although we have had our share of rough spots, sadness, and fights - our relationship has grown and deepened over time. This has allowed our trust and devotion to expand as well. I love (and like) my husband more with each and every passing year...which I did not realize would happen (I was happy then, thought I was at the peak of what "happy" could be - so pleasantly surprised to be WRONG!)
JaneQ
I realize that many people probably don't post as much when things have settled down so I am curious to know how these longer-term poly relationships are going. Any updates from the original posters in this thread? Any newer posters that are married and involved in stable relationships that have passed the NRE phase? (I know I have seen a few in that past few months).
For the record (as it pertains to the conversation in this thread), MrS and I got married without the expectation of monogamy. The form that this non-monogamy has taken and our agreements have evolved over time (which is not inconsistent with the vows that we made to each other). Although we have had our share of rough spots, sadness, and fights - our relationship has grown and deepened over time. This has allowed our trust and devotion to expand as well. I love (and like) my husband more with each and every passing year...which I did not realize would happen (I was happy then, thought I was at the peak of what "happy" could be - so pleasantly surprised to be WRONG!
)JaneQ
Im not sure if I consider we have a poly marriage and we dont consider ourselves swingers. Weve be married 18 years and are extremely close emotionally and sexually. For us I feel this is just exploring our sexual relationship. He is straight and dominant, I am submissive and always felt hetroflexible. I have always fantasised about watching my husband with another woman and he has always want to have sex with another woman while I have to watch. This is about a SM sexual dynamic, and Im curious whether this is the main drive for others.
I started to talk to a divorced friend a couple of years ago, she admited she found this very arousing as she is sexually dominant and would 'get off' on making me watch her with her husband.
We discussed this for about a year, before one night my husband took control of the situation and we played out our fantasy but I was included and there was interaction between me and her as well. Since then we have continued to do this every few weeks and it has developed and is fantastic.
I feel loved by both of them, there is total trust between all three of us, I do not feel less loved by my husband, if anything we are even closer, what still amazes me is that I do not feel any jealously.
At first my husband and I agreed he would not have sex with her without me being there. However, as we have grown in this I said to my husband I think I might like this, hence on day they play text me and with my agreement they had sex, but kept texting me telling me what they were about to do ect. All I can say is that I have never been more turned on in my whole life. I do not feel any more vulnerable and I am actively encouraging them to do this again. Some may think I am being naive, but I truly feel I'm not
I started to talk to a divorced friend a couple of years ago, she admited she found this very arousing as she is sexually dominant and would 'get off' on making me watch her with her husband.
We discussed this for about a year, before one night my husband took control of the situation and we played out our fantasy but I was included and there was interaction between me and her as well. Since then we have continued to do this every few weeks and it has developed and is fantastic.
I feel loved by both of them, there is total trust between all three of us, I do not feel less loved by my husband, if anything we are even closer, what still amazes me is that I do not feel any jealously.
At first my husband and I agreed he would not have sex with her without me being there. However, as we have grown in this I said to my husband I think I might like this, hence on day they play text me and with my agreement they had sex, but kept texting me telling me what they were about to do ect. All I can say is that I have never been more turned on in my whole life. I do not feel any more vulnerable and I am actively encouraging them to do this again. Some may think I am being naive, but I truly feel I'm not
ThatGirlInGray
New member
There have been times, Miss Q, since you've joined this forum that I've been CONVINCED I'm your doppleganger. This is one of them.For the record (as it pertains to the conversation in this thread), MrS and I got married without the expectation of monogamy. The form that this non-monogamy has taken and our agreements have evolved over time (which is not inconsistent with the vows that we made to each other). Although we have had our share of rough spots, sadness, and fights - our relationship has grown and deepened over time. This has allowed our trust and devotion to expand as well. I love (and like) my husband more with each and every passing year...which I did not realize would happen (I was happy then, thought I was at the peak of what "happy" could be - so pleasantly surprised to be WRONG!
JaneQ
MC and I have been married for almost 12 years, together for 14.5. TGIB and I started dating 2.5 years ago (after knowing each other and playing online for YEARS), lasted for 9 months, took a "break" of about a year, and have been back together for 7 months. This time around, we are not "just dating". We both realized a few things and did some growing during our time apart, and a couple months after we started talking again we made a commitment to each other. We may never live together, share finances, etc. but we plan on being a part of each other's lives from now on. In some ways our NRE is past, but we're also long-distance at the moment, so I know we'll have a different type of NRE to get through when he moves to CA and I get to see him every day.
All 3 of us are invested in doing the communicating that needs to be done and finding solutions when their are issues in any of the relationships. It's one of the reasons I don't think I could be in a poly relationship with someone my husband wasn't friends with. (Before TGIB I had what I guess could be considered FWB's that MC wasn't friends with, but no committed relationships beyond friendship.) It would feel odd to me to make a promise to someone who couldn't hang out with me AND MC during our day-to-day life. Yes, I want quality alone time with each of them, but especially with two kids I can't see myself being with someone long-term who didn't fit into my already-existing family, whether that person lived with us or not. Since what happens in each of my relationships affects the rest to one degree or another, and I know there will be times I need support from one of my partners to help me work on things with the other, for me it makes everything so much easier if my partners like each other for themselves, not just as my other partner. I know not everyone has or wants that level of connection between their partners or with their metamour(s), but I believe it seriously lessens the possibility for drama, jealousy, resentment, and all the other roadblocks relationships (poly or not) can run into.
PolygamousWU
SockPuppet Troll - SamuelWest or Dolly
One of three wives married to one Husband.
karsh48421
New member
I got married recently prepared for a monogamous relationship, but it worked out to where we both started a relationship with our amazing friends who have been married for a short time as well.
PRETTYDOMINICA
New member
we are married with a girlfriend.
shypenguin
New member
My husband and I have been married for over 4 years and together for 8. We went into marriage completely monogamous and neither of us knew anything about polyamory. Over the past 2-3 years we came to know more and more people who were poly. One day, just over a year ago, my husband and I started talking about and and much to my surprise we both were interested! Now we both have other partners who we have been with for over 6 months! It is still a daily struggle sometimes. Poly has shown us where the weaknesses are in our marriage and we are working on them. We are both committed to making it work, but only time will tell.
gomugirl1656
New member
Married and poly Mad Science and I have been together 16 years at the end of this month and Prof and I have been together 9 years. We have all dated and or had other lovers in that time.