Married and Poly?

[turtleHeart]

Ginko and I have been together almost 5 years now, marrying with the intention of seeing if polyamory was something that would work for us, as it's a work in progress that we've discussed since our first date. Ginko has been seeing someone for about a year and a half now, and I'm seeing two people, one for about a year and the other for 2 months now.

 

[JustUs]

My wife and I have been together almost 15 years and married over 10 of those years. We have been poly for about 6 years now, maybe longer, just not realizing there was a term for what we are.
She has had 2 long term relationships with others, one lasted over 2 years the other almost 3 years. I would consider myself mono with her, but very open to her having other relationships. The two previous relationships went well til they ended, as we all were very comfortable with each other and spent a lot of time together as friends also...
Currently poly-single, but looking...

 

[Magdlyn]

Ha, I was still married when this poll began. I divorced (after a marriage of 30+ years) in August of '11, been with miss pixi since Jan '09, and with Ginger since Jan '12.

Ginger is married, long term, and gonna stay that way. I have no desire to ever be married again.

 

[blacknwhitelady]

Definitely am!

I am married and have a boyfriend. To be honest, its only been recently that I've become truly polyamorous. My husband and I got married almost two years ago knowing we wanted to life a life of polyamory but neither of use found anyone special enough to start "dating" and be up front that we were married until I met my boyfriend about a month ago. So we are kind of new to he relationship game.

 

[PolyLinguist]

I am married.

I do not practice poly, because I have not found anyone to practice it with.

Maybe one day. Or I'll get another hobby.

 

[Fiona]

My husband and I have been together for about 10 years, married for 7, and have been non-monogamous in one way or another for most of that time. We were involved with another couple for several years, and had other (separate) partners as well. Currently, I am in another relationship that has been going on for about 1.5 years, and my husband is in one that began about a year ago.

 

[FullofLove1052]

*Raises Hand*

My hubby and I have been married since '02. I have been in a relationship with Kensi since June '00, and my relationship with my hubby started a month before that. Almost 13 years of the poly lifestyle. The dynamic has evolved from hybrid open to a closed triad because my hubby is now dating my girlfriend. After 12 years, I was still hoping for it, but never knew if it would happen. Now, it finally has. It has always just been the three of us. No add'l parties.

 

[InsaneMystic]

I'm absolutely not into the concept of marriage for a multitude of reasons, so no.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

I'm absolutely not into the concept of marriage for a multitude of reasons, so no.

I'm curious about the "multitide of reasons"...

I'm always interested in talking about people's conception of marriage and pro/anti feelings. I think it is because MrS and I started out with such different views, so we ended up talking about it a lot back in the day. (I wrote about the initial conversation in my "Journey" blog here.)

There's and interesting thread around here debating whether poly and marriage are incompatible. (I think this is the one I was thinking of).

JaneQ

 

[InsaneMystic]

@JaneQSmythe - Thx for the links, I'm gonna read up on and reply in the second linked thread, as to not derail this one from being more poll-ish in nature.

 

[jeffanddannie]

me and my wife have been together for 10 years married for 9. we have recently explored Poly. we have a girlfriend and I would like to find another. so far it has had its ups and downs, there is always problems at some point. someone not getting enough attention or someone to busy to pay attention to anyone, new people comming into the dynamic can also cause stress. but over all we enjoy it and it has made our relationship stronger. the amount if trust and understanding is overwhelming

 

[trixlg]

I am curious as to how many of you are married and practicing poly.

Sort of as today I took my self off the poly listing.. I have to many emotional issues but still relate in the since of poly..

My long term goal is to have a triad with my boie, he is also open to the idea..

but that's only when I am emotionally sound we both agree on that.

 

[chrisdon1990]

Wife and I for a boyfriend

My wife and I have been married for almost 23 years. We had a lover who we thought we were going to be in a Polyamorous relationship with bu the ended up married. Now we are trying hard to find "Mr. Right"

It has brought us so much closer together and made our love indescribable.

However, we can't seem to find that special guy

 

[Malfunktions]

My husband and I are only husband and wife in a pseudo kinda way. Not actually married but might as well be. 6 years have passed and no end in site. I think we opened up to the possibility of poly because as a bi woman who NEVER though she'd be monogamous, I have been and I guess I'm getting a reward.

Yes, I'm a big fan of the reward/punishment dynamic

So, I didn't vote cause we're not actually married....

 

[CherryBlossomGirl]

"Married" means priorities have been set.

We have been married for just about three years, together for six and a bit. We met when we were both with mono partners, and had negotiated being open. We were lovers for several months, and then realized that we wanted to build a future together as primaries; needless to say it was a massive transition for both of us.

We were monogamous for the first four years of our relationship. We've been open for over two years in various forms; a few triads both casual and more serious, a quad, and some dyads. I don't think that either of us would consider ever permanently closing our relationship; I don't even know if we were under that impression of being closed prior to opening - it was just what felt right at the time. We've folded back into monogamy a couple of times, and find that satisfying as well - it's largely about having the freedom to explore if and when we want to, more than anything. Non possession, but we have set each other as 'priorities' through marriage. Neither of us have ever really desired strictly monogamous relationships in our pasts.

 

[kdt26417]

Re (from RitaFire, Post #6):

"How many of you married and poly people got married with the original intention of remaining monogamous?"

When I got married (in 1987), I (and my wife) had every intention of remaining monogamous.

"And how have you dealt with poly?"

As well as one can when one's spouse gets Alzheimer's and goes downhill from there.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

How many of you married and poly people got married with the original intention of remaining monogamous?

Hmmm...we've never actually been monogamous. The "flavor" of our "ethical non-monogamy" has changed over the years - not because we got married but because we continue to change and grow as people.

 

[SEcondary]

My wife and I have been married for almost 23 years. We had a lover who we thought we were going to be in a Polyamorous relationship with bu the ended up married. Now we are trying hard to find "Mr. Right"

It has brought us so much closer together and made our love indescribable.

However, we can't seem to find that special guy

Married ten yers. Wife has almost always dated other guys for sex only. She fell in love. Told me about it and said it needed it to happen again. And I helped her find a guy. They have been together for three years. No problems at all. We love it this way. Keeps getting better.

 

[laughingowl]

Married yes, practicing(tm) polly yes, if not actively poly at present

Happily married here, and honestly for myself not even really looking.

Won't say I couldn't love somebody else, but no desire to seek out more...

However wife, when I met her told me she knew there was a female soul mate out there, even before we realized there was anything more to us, then me be a friend to her brother.

While I still think fears of losing me, and 'its wrong' cause her to hold back; she also some times directly sometimes more subtely does make it clear she does crave female companionship.

So I would still say 'practicing' poly right now, even if its just encouraging wife it would be ok, it is normal, and helping her figure out what she really wants, and have the courage to try.


Peace

 

[BSP83]

Married 11 years. We never really explored the idea, outside of the fantasy of a "threesome" until I fell in love with my best friend. We are now both dating her and are loving it. They both complete a big part of me. I can't imagine not being with both of them.