When you say it's not her fault do you mean it's your fault for letting her control who you date? It's not surprising you don't feel good about all this.
Spitfire gave me her blessing to go "all the way" if I felt the situation called for it. A: I don't fuck on the first date. B: Now I feel guilty because I'm still not ready for her to even kiss another guy.
So now I find myself in this position where I'm not talking to anyone, and I'm watching Spitfire juggle conversation with 3 or 4 guys and a couple of women. I'm jealous of her success. Did you know that with OKCupid the program only counts likes up to 100. Then it goes to 100+. I have 12. I knew that as a woman she would have way better success but come on! Also she showed me a guy that had just started talking to her. It was a guy that I had liked a week earlier. Getting a little more jealous.
Just a bit of a rant... she not comfortable with me dating females, limiting me to the small percentage of men that are gay/bi/pan, and then proceeds to fish out of the same pool. Grrrrrr. I know that's not her fault but it's annoying as hell.
On a good note, things have never been better between me and Spitfire. We have really good talks almost everyday. Our sex life has spiked. The kids are happier because we're happier. I've lost 12 pounds already and now I've added running to my workouts. I feel good physically.
Life would be great except for the jealousy and the bleak outlook on my poly life keeps dragging down my mood.
The guy was not interested in me. Just Spitfire. I'm just being a jealous loser.Well the guy was interested in both of you. It happens.
It's not about controlling each other's bodies. It's about letting the other person know what actions will cause you emotional pain right now and working together toward getting over that so we can move forward. We both have a lot to unpack and a lifetime of societal brainwashing to unravel. I don't want to control her, but I also don't want to let her walk all over my feelings and leave me all fucked up. Likewise she does not want me to do that to her nor would I want to.
you can remind yourself you are doing it so you aren't rubbing anything in her face and it DOES come to an end where you do get to date more people.