BudgetPrincessJasmine
New member
Hi all,
I'm really hoping to get some advice, considering this is super new to me and I'm not really sure what to do.
The backstory -
I'm monogamous and my neighbor (he's married with a 4 yr old) and I began hanging out a few months ago and now he wants to try polyamory with me and his wife. They have been together for 17 years, married for 10 and this is the first time they have ever 'explored outside of each other'. His wife comes from a very religious family and was okay with it 'just being sexual' (and a secret), but now she is threatening to divorce him if he wants to continue to pursue something with me.
Before I got involved I made him show me the text messages about her being okay with it - but now I feel horrible being involved in something that I'm not sure I can even handle.
I have tried to read and educate myself on polyamory as much as possible and I can only really see examples of it working if the 'existing' wife has to understand that the 'excitement' comes from the new person and the 'love' and 'comfort' comes from her. This means she has to accept and believe that at the end of the day his love for her will conquer all and no matter what he does outside their home, he will always come back for her. Does this mean I would need to be okay with being the shiny new toy - independent and willing to ebb and flow with the demands of his family and promises he made to his wife, but never quite have the same?
He and I have had conversations about having kids, getting married (I know this sounds crazy because he doesn't plan on divorcing his wife... but is it?) and he seems to love me in the way that I love him - which would lead to building a life together - but I'm really not sure what to do?
I don't want to hurt anyone, but I also don't want to run down a path that makes no sense.
Any advise is welcome!
I'm really hoping to get some advice, considering this is super new to me and I'm not really sure what to do.
The backstory -
I'm monogamous and my neighbor (he's married with a 4 yr old) and I began hanging out a few months ago and now he wants to try polyamory with me and his wife. They have been together for 17 years, married for 10 and this is the first time they have ever 'explored outside of each other'. His wife comes from a very religious family and was okay with it 'just being sexual' (and a secret), but now she is threatening to divorce him if he wants to continue to pursue something with me.
Before I got involved I made him show me the text messages about her being okay with it - but now I feel horrible being involved in something that I'm not sure I can even handle.
I have tried to read and educate myself on polyamory as much as possible and I can only really see examples of it working if the 'existing' wife has to understand that the 'excitement' comes from the new person and the 'love' and 'comfort' comes from her. This means she has to accept and believe that at the end of the day his love for her will conquer all and no matter what he does outside their home, he will always come back for her. Does this mean I would need to be okay with being the shiny new toy - independent and willing to ebb and flow with the demands of his family and promises he made to his wife, but never quite have the same?
He and I have had conversations about having kids, getting married (I know this sounds crazy because he doesn't plan on divorcing his wife... but is it?) and he seems to love me in the way that I love him - which would lead to building a life together - but I'm really not sure what to do?
I don't want to hurt anyone, but I also don't want to run down a path that makes no sense.
Any advise is welcome!