Monogamous, Bi, and Triads, Oh my!

[Bi-Enamourous]

I'm male, married, 65 years-old, married, monogamous. Have felt bisexual for the last 30 years and was OK with staying in the closet because my generation (Boomers) are socially averse to bi men.

Now that over 25% of GenZ identifies as LGBTQ+ I want my Bi-side to come out to those that can accept it, but my problem is that although I feel 100% "Bi" inside, in every bi fantasy I've ever had there was a woman present to enjoy my love of both genders. If she's not there, I won't even have solo sex with a guy in my mind.

This is problematic for me because most bi/mostly straight men have their wives and go out for non-committal 'quickies' with other men, bring diseases back to their wives, who then learn to not trust bi men. So, even with GenZ's acceptance, there are a lot of women who have very good reasons not to like bi men.

To me my woman is key to unlocking my bi-self. Once she's there, naked, excited, and willing, I'm all in on the both-gender loving sex.

At least, in my mind, that is.

My wife isn't interested in Triads or anything else that involves additional people, so that leaves my fantasy space for my MMF, and Quad fantasies. I'll respect her wishes and not go 'active' in my poly or bi pursuits.

But I love all things bi. Most of all I love bi men who love women (straight or bi) , and bi or straight women who can feel loved by bi men.

So I'm here to learn about MMF triads and the women who enjoy the two bi men at the same time.

No, I'm not interested in hooking up or meeting. I just want to find a bisexual sister and brother who like to share their adventures so I can live vicariously through their experiences.

Thanks for being on this site!

--BE

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

Hey.


I've got a few gay and bi men as friends and/or partners that are willing and even enthusiastic about arrangements like you suggest. As a queer female appearing person, I've learned a lot from them. Namely, how extraordinarily well they learn to protect themselves.

On the surface, it might appear as if there are plenty of men that are willing to hook up or more, but what they tell me is that actually most of those men won't show up. They just like speaking about it.

The main gender based difference in my opinion is that men seem to lack this feeling of obligation to couples, or indeed the male partners. Broadly speaking, women seem to feel compelled to stretch themselves to please their partners and fulfill their sexual needs. Men seem to have a healthier approach where it needs to bring some semblance of mutual gratification or benefit for it to be a viable choice.

This means that men don't get "unicorned" by heterosexual couples because they either engage at a distance (like those hook ups) or manage their expectations while simply not feeling obliged to neglect themselves to meet anyone else's needs. So when it no longer works for them, or it doesn't seem worth even starting anything, they just move on and chalk it up to another relationship that simply didn't work out rather than a exploitative situation.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Bi-Enamourous,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Certainly poly has more to offer in the bi areas than monogamy. I think if you invest some time reading and posting here, you will meet some bi people who are willing to share their feelings and experiences. You know the details of your orientation, and you are comfortable with who you are. That, it seems to me, is the right place to start.

Glad you could join us!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Magdlyn]

I'm male, married, 65 years-old, married, monogamous. Have felt bisexual for the last 30 years and was OK with staying in the closet because my generation (Boomers) are socially averse to bi men.

That's a broad generalization. I'm a boomer and I've never been "averse" to any queers, gay, bi, pan, trans, non-gender-conforming or whatever. Maybe because I'm non-binary and pansexual myself. However, I've never been strongly drawn to threesomes. I've experimented from time to time when others I was involved with were interested. My best threesome was with 2 men. One was bi and one was straight so they didn't interact with each other in the way you probably like to jerk off to.

Now that over 25% of GenZ identifies as LGBTQ+ I want my Bi-side to come out to those that can accept it, but my problem is that although I feel 100% "Bi" inside, in every bi fantasy I've ever had there was a woman present to enjoy my love of both genders. If she's not there, I won't even have solo sex with a guy in my mind.

This is problematic for me because most bi/mostly straight men have their wives and go out for non-committal 'quickies' with other men, bring diseases back to their wives, who then learn to not trust bi men. So, even with GenZ's acceptance, there are a lot of women who have very good reasons not to like bi men.

That's just not true! Maybe you've spoken to boomer women with some kind of prejudice or unfounded fears, or perhaps stupid husbands who cheated without using condoms. Bi men are no more likely to "bring home diseases" than anyone else who doesn't practice safer sex.

To me my woman is key to unlocking my bi-self. Once she's there, naked, excited, and willing, I'm all in on the both-gender loving sex. At least, in my mind, that is.

My wife isn't interested in Triads or anything else that involves additional people, so that leaves my fantasy space for my MMF, and Quad fantasies. I'll respect her wishes and not go 'active' in my poly or bi pursuits. But I love all things bi. Most of all I love bi men who love women (straight or bi) , and bi or straight women who can feel loved by bi men. So I'm here to learn about MMF triads and the women who enjoy the two bi men at the same time.

No, I'm not interested in hooking up or meeting. I just want to find a bisexual sister and brother who like to share their adventures so I can live vicariously through their experiences.

Poly people usually don't partake in group sex, just FYI. That's not really the point. Now, swingers more often do. Polyamory means "multiple loves," not group sex.

 

[Bi-Enamourous]

Hey.


I've got a few gay and bi men as friends and/or partners that are willing and even enthusiastic about arrangements like you suggest. As a queer female appearing person, I've learned a lot from them. Namely, how extraordinarily well they learn to protect themselves.

On the surface, it might appear as if there are plenty of men that are willing to hook up or more, but what they tell me is that actually most of those men won't show up. They just like speaking about it.

The main gender based difference in my opinion is that men seem to lack this feeling of obligation to couples, or indeed the male partners. Broadly speaking, women seem to feel compelled to stretch themselves to please their partners and fulfill their sexual needs. Men seem to have a healthier approach where it needs to bring some semblance of mutual gratification or benefit for it to be a viable choice.

This means that men don't get "unicorned" by heterosexual couples because they either engage at a distance (like those hook ups) or manage their expectations while simply not feeling obliged to neglect themselves to meet anyone else's needs. So when it no longer works for them, or it doesn't seem worth even starting anything, they just move on and chalk it up to another relationship that simply didn't work out rather than a exploitative situation.

Seasoned,

Thanks! I've been lurking on this site for about a year now (long story) and while I do see a few folks interested in MMF triads most everyone here seems to partake in the Vee. And in one sense, that's great because they actually have poly encounters and that's one step more than I'm able to do at the moment, but if I ever had the opportunity my entry-level poly encounter would be an MMF triad centered around my favorite position I call the "Lambda." (If there is an official poly term for this, please let me know and I'll adjust accordingly.)

The Lambda is an MMF position where one of the bi-guys' erection is engulfed by her vulva, him behind her either standing or doggie-style. The other bi-guy's tongue and lips are on her front side actively working over all parts of her clitoris (head and labia) while simultaneously sucking/licking the first bi-guy's erection and balls. When I'm guy #1 I feel her wet vulva engulfing my cock, guy #2''s tongue on it, too, and (hopefully!) her orgasms. Then I swap with Guy 2 and my tongue can feel and taste both his hardness and her velvety textures & wetness at the same time.

That's my fantasy, at least. This happens after the proper introductions, discussions, and MMF foreplay, of course, which I won't get into here so I won't bore you with details.

To me the Lambda is the ultimate in 'being' male and bi and loving a woman at the same time. I think that's what bi is all about.

Hope I didn't bore you with too many details!

 

[Bi-Enamourous]

That's a broad generalization. I'm a boomer and I've never been "averse" to any queers, gay, bi, pan, trans, non-gender-conforming or whatever. Maybe because I'm non-binary and pansexual myself. However, I've never been strongly drawn to threesomes. I've experimented from time to time when others I was involved with were interested. My best threesome was with 2 men. One was bi and one was straight so they didn't interact with each other in the way you probably like to jerk off to.

That's just not true! Maybe you've spoken to boomer women with some kind of prejudice or unfounded fears, or perhaps stupid husbands who cheated without using condoms. Bi men are no more likely to "bring home diseases" than anyone else who doesn't practice safer sex.

Hi Magdlyn!

Before starting over here I was over at the LPSG site which is very male centric as the guys seem to like more to show off their dicks to each other and the bi guys talk a lot about running off in secret on the down-low to get their male-male satisfaction without telling their wives. Many (of the few) women on that site don't trust bi men because of the problems I mentioned. So maybe it was my error in projecting those experiences of those women here, which, if you say is not true, then I'm actually happier!

Poly people usually don't partake in group sex, just FYI. That's not really the point. Now, swingers more often do. Polyamory means "multiple loves," not group sex.

I do love both genders, but for some weird thing in my mind I want very much to do it at the same time. Don't ask me why, I couldn't explain it.

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

Seasoned,

Thanks! I've been lurking on this site for about a year now (long story) and while I do see a few folks interested in MMF triads most everyone here seems to partake in the Vee. And in one sense, that's great because they actually have poly encounters and that's one step more than I'm able to do at the moment, but if I ever had the opportunity my entry-level poly encounter would be an MMF triad centered around my favorite position I call the "Lambda." (If there is an official poly term for this, please let me know and I'll adjust accordingly.)

The Lambda is an MMF position where one of the bi-guys' erection is engulfed by her vulva, him behind her either standing or doggie-style. The other bi-guy's tongue and lips are on her front side actively working over all parts of her clitoris (head and labia) while simultaneously sucking/licking the first bi-guy's erection and balls. When I'm guy #1 I feel her wet vulva engulfing my cock, guy #2''s tongue on it, too, and (hopefully!) her orgasms. Then I swap with Guy 2 and my tongue can feel and taste both his hardness and her velvety textures & wetness at the same time.

That's my fantasy, at least. This happens after the proper introductions, discussions, and MMF foreplay, of course, which I won't get into here so I won't bore you with details.

To me the Lambda is the ultimate in 'being' male and bi and loving a woman at the same time. I think that's what bi is all about.

Hope I didn't bore you with too many details!

Okay so you say you want to live vicariously through people who have had these relationships. These... sexual configurations are rarely sustainable or effective. They just look good in porn.

You know those guys on those sites? Those are good people to interact with about these fantasies.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi Magdlyn!

Before starting over here I was over at the LPSG site, which is very male-centric. The guys seem to like more to show off their dicks to each other and the bi guys talk a lot about running off in secret on the down-low to get their male-male satisfaction without telling their wives. Many (of the few) women on that site don't trust bi men because of the problems I mentioned. So maybe it was my error in projecting those experiences of those women here, which, if you say is not true, then I'm actually happier!

Well, women aren't going to trust their cheating husbands, whether said husbands are cheating with women, men or any other gender.

A decade ago I used to be on OK Cupid (dating site) and talked to quite a few men who'd listed themselves as straight, but once they warmed up to me, knowing I was pan, they told me they were actually bi. It's still more of a stigma for men to admit to interest in their own sex, than it is for women. We can thank the patriarchy for that. They said women were not into bi men. Well, that's changing.

Today's young adult generation are much less biased against LGBT people, or pansexuals, or gender non-binary people. I am glad of that change. It's been a long struggle, But it's far from over, and the hundreds of bills now in state governments trying to limit trans rights shows. Even conservative gays want the struggles for trans rights to go away, now that gays can legally marry. As if that's the fulfillment of their agenda and now we can just all rest on our laurels. Unfortunately, democracy must always be fought for. We can't take it for granted.

I do love both genders, but for some weird thing in my mind I want very much to do it at the same time. Don't ask me why, I couldn't explain it.

It's not weird. But this site is not a place to find new MMF fantasies or real life scenarios to add to your wank bank, as Seasoned said. This is more of a relationship advice board. You might not understand what polyamory means. It doesn't mean group sex. It means having multiple open adult relationships with the knowledge and consent of all parties.

 

[ref2018]

Unfortunately, democracy must always be fought for. We can't take it for granted.

The US has never been a "democracy" and shows no signs of changing into one, ever, no matter how much LGBTQ++++ equality there is.

 

[Bi-Enamourous]

It's not weird. But this site is not a place to find new MMF fantasies or real life scenarios to add to your wank bank, as Seasoned said. This is more of a relationship advice board. You might not understand what polyamory means. It doesn't mean group sex. It means having multiple open adult relationships with the knowledge and consent of all parties.

OK. Fair point.

Question, though:

I met a bi couple a few months ago. Both were bi. She was nuts about him, he loved being bi and loved being loved by her. Her vibe exuded: "Here's my guy, love him like I do!!"

So I did. It was a huge emotional cathartic release that welled up from inside me and spilled out.

I loved them both. It was the first time I'd felt love for a male and female at the same time. I knew my heart always wanted that when I realized I was bi decades ago, but I'd never met anyone that allowed it to come out.

But out it came. I felt like I did as a teenager. It was overwhelming. Amazing. Euphoric.

This wasn't just a wank thing. I felt an emotional bond for each, as they were both bi and loved being so. I wanted to caress his face and kiss him while she got excited and rubbed our cocks together, then, well you get the idea.

But I had no idea I wanted deep down to love both genders of bisexuals at the same time.

It was awesome.

Anyway, I just wanted to share.

Thanks.

 

[kdt26417]

Glad you had a very positive experience with this bi couple. If you don't mind my asking, are you still with them?

 

[Bi-Enamourous]

Glad you had a very positive experience with this bi couple. If you don't mind my asking, are you still with them?

He was a bit uncomfortable with how quickly I fell in love with the two of them, so I've backed off to a 'just friends' boundary and haven't shared fantasies yet of what gets each of us hot and feel loved in an MMF.

 

[kdt26417]

Ah. Well, maybe he'll get used to the idea, given a little more time.

 

[Magdlyn]

He was a bit uncomfortable with how quickly I fell in love with the two of them, so I've backed off to a 'just friends' boundary and haven't shared fantasies yet of what gets each of us hot and feel loved in an MMF.

Just for your information, what you felt was a hormonal rush called infatuation, or new relationship energy (NRE). We talk about this all the time here. I can see why your male partner felt uncomfortable, if you got too carried away with your NRE excitement, not having felt it in a long time (since you were a teenager).

The first weeks or months of being a lover to an already established couple can feel very euphoric, but take it easy, go slow. Don't get carried away. Maintaining a triad is difficult, as each person will feel differently about the other, and the dyadic (twosome) relationships can and will develop at different paces.

Are you just friends with them now, not friends with benefits?