My boyfriend is upset, can you overcome jealousy issues?

[zylya]

I respectfully disagree, and return to Dingedhearts analogy about the pro footballer. You can coach an average man to be a better fooball player, you cannot make him a pro. It's the same with sex. With regard to Geoff cumming to quickly, we have worked on this together, and things are good. However, he will never be able to last like Ewan, who can literally last as long as he wants, and he does, he cums when he wants to. I have never been with any other man that can do this. He is great at sex. It's a talent he has. He would be a pro footballer. You can also not teach or give someone a magic touch. You can teach a man how and where you like to be touched, but that's it.

The analogy of a pro footballer is also wrong, and also irrelevant. Pro football takes years of training, and given the age range that you can play within it means that you have to start playing and be given decent training when you're very young. That said, ANYONE who gets that level of training has a shot at pro-football. The development of skill is not based on some form of innate talent but deliberate practise. Given that there is no "age range" for sex like there is for pro-football, you can keep on improving for years to come. Your evidence is anecdotal, because the number of men you have been with is statistically insignificant. That is to say, you haven't been with a large enough number of men to know if Ewan really is one of a kind. The magic touch is not magic, but based on factors of physiology, and you most definitely can teach it.

Let me give you an example of something my bf has that my lover does not, and never will have.

My orgasms are far more powerful with Ewan, but Geoff's own orgasms are way more powerful than Ewan's. When Ewan cums it just kind of dribbles out, whereas with my bf, stand back, ladies! lol I have never seen so much cum squirt out of a dick at such speed and velocity as it does out of Geoff's penis. It can fly a good few feet. lol. I dont know where it all comes from because he has small balls, although they are perfectly formed. This is a talent that Ewan cannot learn, even though his balls are big.

This is one of the reasons I love giving Geoff oral. I love bigger dicks, but I do love felating Geoff's cuter and smaller cock. He has a very sensitive penis, this is why he doesn't last long, but this also means that he gets so much pleasure out of me giving him oral, I have to take things softly, and I get a massive kick out of giving him that much pleasure. Ewan, well, his penis is not in anyway sensitive, I can do what I like to it. haha.

Geoff and I love to 69 with each other. This is what we do... I know when he is going to cum, so when he reaches that point I will stop for a minute, while he continues. Then I will start again, and we go on like this. It gets him so excited that it gets to the point that I can only suck him for 10 seconds. I edge him, and when we do this, thats when he can really explode... We have it down so well now that we can pretty much cum at the same time, or close to it.

You missed out answering my question about what you won't do with your boyfriend that you will with your lover and why you wouldn't do those things. You talked of no boundaries, which suggests specific acts or some form of kink.

 

[Aurelie26]

When you say that you do stuff with your lover that you never would with your boyfriend, why not?

Well, let's take the BDSM things that Ewan does to me. Like I say, there are not that many boundaries.

Geoff and I did once try a bit of BDSM. I thought that he might like it. We did have a great time. It was hysterical. We couldn't stop laughing. Geoff could not take that sort of thing seriously. He is a very tender loving person. He is not able to smack me and be even semi-serious about it. He is gentle and would never hurt me, even if it's just pretend. It's not in him. And you know something? I don't want it to be. His strength is his tenderness. Also, we have fun in bed, we laugh, he tickles me, it's nice. He could never rip my panties off. He would feel stupid doing something like that.

Ewan does have a streak of nastiness in him. I'm not saying he's not nice, but he can smack me hard and mean it. He will rip my panties off. He is a dominant and serious person. He enjoys tying me up. I enjoy it because he does. There is that element of danger with him. It turns me on. He controls me. BDSM suits his personality.

I also enjoy anal sex. I have tried to encourage my lovely bf to enjoy it, as well. He is open to trying new things, but he will not do stuff he does not enjoy, and I wouldn't ask or want him to. If he's not turned on doing it, what is the point? If the person that is doing it does not get turned on, then neither do I. We have tried anal together, an he does not like it. I asked why. He says, "I don't know. I just don't." That's fine. I will never ask my lovely man to do something he doesn't like doing.

Ewan, on the other hand, has no problem touching, kissing and penetrating me in that area. He loves it.

I could give other examples, but I hope those two answer your question.

 

[zylya]

Ok, thanks for answering all my questions.

For now, since it just seems like he's getting moody, I'd continue as you are. If he has a problem with it, then he needs to bring it up. You can't make him overcome his jealousy. He has to want that for himself first. It doesn't seem like you're doing anything specifically to antagonise him about it, so I wouldn't even cut down the amount of time you see Ewan. The furthest I'd go is to reassure him that the two of you can discuss things openly and honestly, and that if he has any problem, he can bring it up with you.

When Geoff brings it up (or if I've misunderstood, and he has already brought it up), then explain the difference in the sex between the two of them. Don't make it about better/worse, and please don't use expressions like "not man enough sexually" (a quote from someone earlier in the topic), which is a surefire way to cause a whole load of hurt real quick. Explain that you have a strong desire for the BDSM aspect/the other stuff that Geoff doesn't want to do, and remember to point out that you enjoy your sex life with him as well, but you don't want to make him do stuff he doesn't enjoy. He'll probably say he can change, and stuff like that, and you should give him the chance to do so. But be warned that if you give Ewan up, Geoff is likely to push more and more for you to give up other things he doesn't like.

 

[Aurelie26]

This is an interesting point that Anneintherain makes. She questions if what your lover is doing is poly.

For me, poly is when a person wants more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the knowledge of everyone involved and everyone is happy to participate, even if this is as a mono.

Aurelie, this is not what you have at the moment, although, I think it is what you are striving for, and I think it is brave of you to come on this forum and be so honest about your situation.

Anneintherain says "I'm wondering if you're purposefully participating in cuckolding instead of poly."

You then ask her, "Do I cuckold Geoff? What does that mean?"

the dictionary says, "The husband of an unfaithful wife."

When a faithful husband/boyfriend is in a loving relationship with a wife/girlfriend who has sexual relations with another man (a bull), and the husband/boyfriend knows what is happening and does not like it, but does nothing to stop it because he is either too weak, or too much in love with his wife/girlfriend. The wife/girlfriend knows it makes her husband/boyfriend unhappy, but does it anyway.

I think that describes your lovely man's situation at the moment to a tee. So yes, I do think you are cuckolding Geoff, but, I do not think you are wrong to do so, in fact, I think you and Ewan should continue to cuckold Geoff, for now, anyway.

I do not doubt that you love Geoff as much as you say. I also DONT believe you want to purposefully humilate him, or hurt him in any way, or that you get turned on by the possibility of that. I think you want to help him except the situation you find yourselves in, and in doing so, make him happy in your relationship. When this happens, you will have the poly relationship you want and deserve.

You cannot have this until everything is sorted out with Geoff, and you should not give up what you have with Ewan until you know Geoff will never be able to accept and come to terms with your relationship with Ewan.

This post really gets to me. It's not that I don't appreciate your honesty and help, because I do, and that's what I'm here for.

It's just that I hate that word, cuckold. It has such a stigma attached to it. You describe what it means, and then tell me that it describes my boyfriend to a tee.

It hurts, because when I think about it, sometimes I think it's true. Geoff has done and still does so much for us. He loves us both so much, and I repay him by doing what I'm doing. I know he knew from the beginning, but still... He's lovely and he is a very sensitive person and if he were to think that I thought he was a cuckold, it would hurt him so much. Or maybe he thinks it himself already.

Can I ask the other people on this forum-- Arrowbound, Brid75, Dingedheart, Jericka, nycindie, Anneintherain, redpepper, Zylya, Annabelmore, Mudita, or anyone else who has any experience with this sort of thing, two questions?

1) Do you think that Ewan and I make a cuckold of Geoff, and if so, do you think that what I'm doing is really terrible? Because sometimes I think it is. What do you think?

2) If you think we are cuckolding him, do you think I should stop now, and just be with Geoff? You can be honest, because that's what I want, it's not as if I have people to talk to about this. Only two people know, and although they don't have a go at me about it, I know they don't approve.

Thanks.

 

[Brid75]

ILet me give you an example of something my bf has that my lover does not, and never will have.

My orgasms are far more powerful with my lover, but my boyfriends own orgasms are way more powerful than my lovers. When my lover cums it just kind of dribbles out, where with my bf, stand back ladies. lol I have never seen so much cum squirt out of a dick at such speed and velocity as it does out of my bfs penis. It can fly a good few feet lol and I dont know where it all comes from because he has small balls, although they are perfectly formed. This is a talent that my lover cannot learn, even though his balls are big.

This is one of the reasons I love giving my bf oral. I love bigger dicks, but I do love fellating my bfs cuter and smaller cock. He has a very sensitive penis, this is why he doesn't last long, but this also means that he gets so much pleasure out of me giving him oral, I have to take things softly, and I get a massive kick out of giving him that much pleasure. My lover, well, his penis is not in anyway sensitive, I can do what I like to it. haha

My bf and I love to 69 with each other, because he cums quickly and we like to cum together... I know when he is going to cum, so when he reaches that point I will stop for a minute, while he continues. Then I will start again, and we go on like this. I stop and start and he will continue all the time. It gets him so exited that it gets to the point that I can only suck him for 10 seconds. I edge him, and when we do this, thats when he can really explode. lol He loves it, and so do I. We have it down so well now that we can pretty much cum at the same time, or close to it.

The love you have for your boyfriend really shines through in your posts, Aurelie. I think the post that I have quoted is so sweet, and I hope you have told Geoff that you have never known another man who was able to shoot such a heavy load. The part where you say it can fly a good few feet made me laugh. I knew a guy like that once.

 

[Brid75]

This post really gets to me, it's not that I dont appreciate your honesty and help because I do, and that's what I'm here for.

It's just that I hate that word cuckold. It has such a stigma attached to it, you describe what it means, and then tell me that it describes my boyfriend to a tee.

It hurts because when I think about it, sometimes I think it's true. My bf has done and still does so much for us, he loves us both so much, and I repay him by doing what I'm doing. I know he knew from the beginning, but still...............He's lovely and he is a very sensitive person and if he was to think that I thought he was a cuckold it would hurt him so much, or maybe he thinks it himself already.

Can I ask the other people on this forum, Arrowbound, Brid75, Dingedheart, Jericka, nycindie, Anneintherain, redpepper, Zylya, Annabelmore, Mudita, or anyone else who has any experience with this sort of thing, two questions

1) Do you think that my lover and I make a cuckold of my boyfriend, and if so, do you think that what I'm doing is really terrible, because sometimes I think it is. What do you think?

2) If you think we are cuckolding him, do you think I should stop now, and just be with my boyfriend? You can be honest, because thats what I want, it's not as if I have people to talk to about this. Only two people know, and although they dont have a go at me about it, I know they dont approve.

Thanks.

1) Yes I do think you are cuckolding your boyfriend, but, no I do not think you are being terrible.
2) No, you should not stop now. That would not work.

I know the word cuckold can be taken the wrong way, and you should never ever talk to your loving boyfriend with anything other then love, and kindness, and as Zylya said, never use language like cuckold, or say to him he's not man enough sexually. I think it helps to be brutally honest sometimes on a forum like this and Geoff is never going to read it, so he's not getting hurt. As I said though, nobody should use that kind of talk in real life.


Aurelie, talk to your man with love and respect. This is how I treat my husband. I'm certain by your posts on here that that is how you are with Geoff.

 

[Brid75]

My lover dominates me, he can go fast, slow, hard or softly.

He can go so hard, for so long, that I reach a plateau and I will have multiple orgasms and end up squirting. He makes me lose myself. He manhandles me one minute and the next he will be giving me oral so good that it drives me crazy. I can ride him for as long as I need without worrying if he's going to cum. He doesn't, no matter how fast and hard I go.

We are both kinky. We do stuff that i would never do with Geoff. Ewan is exceptional at everything. And when we are done, 10 minutes later, he can go again and make it completely different, and yet always with the same result. He makes me feel incredible, and Geoff can;t, because he doesn't have what Ewan has.

I love Geoff more though, and that counts for more than anything.

Do not give that ^^^^^^^^^ up unless you have to.

Also, remember this, if you do give it up, because it's hurting Geoff so much, it might well cause you to resent him, and where will that leave you? It may be that in the end you are left without Ewan, Geoff without you, and your son is without his dad. You need to fight for that poly relationship, girl. In the long run, it will be best for everyone, including Geoff.

The only way that everyone can stay 100% happy is for you to convince and encourage Geoff to be happy to participate in a poly relationship. If he does not want to go with different girls, and you can't find him a regular girl that he really likes, then he can be mono in the relationship.

It's up to you, though. You have to make sure Geoff knows that he comes first, and that you and your son cannot, and will not do without him. Do you truly love Geoff more? It sounds like you do, to me.

Make sure he knows it, that he is 110% certain of it. If he is, his insecurities will go, and then he will be more likely to want to participate in a poly relationship.

Ewan sounds incredible, and Geoff sounds so lovely. The two combined add up to what sounds like, by your descriptions, a very very fulfilling sex life. If you add that to all the love, affection and kindness you and your son get from Geoff, it sounds perfect. If you can keep both, that will make you a very lucky girl.

 

[Brid75]

The analogy of a pro footballer is also wrong, and also irrelevant. Pro football takes years of training, and given the age range that you can play within it means that you have to start playing and be given decent training when you're very young. That said, anyone who gets that level of training has a shot at pro football. The development of skill is not based on some form of innate talent but deliberate practise. Given that there is no "age range" for sex like there is for pro football, you can keep on improving for years to come. Your evidence is anecdotal, because the number of men you have been with is statistically insignificant. That is to say you haven't been with a large enough number of men to know if your lover really is one of a kind. The magic touch is not magic, but based on factors of physiology, and you most definitely can teach it.

I do not agree. Are you saying that all men could be at a level playing field sexually? Not all men can be porn stars. In my experience most men are average sexually, some are terrible, and some are good. The odd man is an uber lover. They are very view and far between. I have only come across one, and my experience is plentiful. You can teach an average lover to be good, but he will never be an uber lover.

 

[zylya]

I do not agree, are you saying that all men could be at a level playing field sexually. Not all men can be porn stars. In my experience most men are average sexually, some are terrible, some are good. The odd man is an uber lover, they are very view and far between. I have only come across one, and my experience is plentiful. You can teach an average lover to be good, but he will never be an uber lover.

I don't believe it's that they are incapable, merely that they either do not have the desire to learn, or they don't realise that it is a learnable skill, or they are too caught up in their social programming to know any better.

Remember, it is still within the last 50 or so years that female orgasm has even been accepted as anything more than a myth. Despite the increased liberalism, we're still very much influenced by puritanical beliefs (hence why a lot of people think you're cheating even if everyone agrees to polyamory). Note, that's as a society, not as individuals. There are a lot of people who have broken free of that influence, but an even larger number who haven't.

Being a good lover is a skill, but it's not innate. Pretty much every guy was shit his first time and didn't have a clue what was going on! The way you get good was reading/watching lots of stuff, asking questions, judging reactions, and of course, plenty of practise.

The problem is, when you're with an incredible lover, you only see the result of his skill development. As an example, I'm really into sexual hypnosis (orgasm on command, that sort of stuff). When I share that with a partner, at first they don't believe it's possible, then afterwards they can't believe I did it. They think I'm some sort of miracle worker. What they didn't see was the hours of study that I did, not just about sexual hypnosis, but hypnosis in general, and hypnotherapy, as well as orgasm control and conditioning, as well as all the times I've practised it, nor the discussions I've had with people about it.

I mean, obviously there's more to being a great lover than learning a few cheap tricks, but understanding the female body is a good first step, yet so few guys understand even that. There's so much out there on the internet about the female body, but there has to be that desire to actually go and find it and put it into practise.

That's why so many guys end up completely different lovers. It's not a natural-born thing, but a product of either learning or experience, or both, combined with an actual desire to give someone else pleasure.

You can teach him to be good, but unless he wants to learn, he will never improve that much.

 

[km34]

1) Do you think that Ewan and I make a cuckold of Geoff, and if so, do you think that what I'm doing is really terrible? Because sometimes I think it is.

2) If you think we are cuckolding him, do you think I should stop now, and just be with Geoff? You can be honest, because thats what I want, it's not as if I have people to talk to about this. Only two people know, and although they dont have a go at me about it, I know they dont approve.

1. Yes. It's only terrible if Geoff isn't a willing participant. I would be very concerned about the fact that Geoff doesn't wait up for you anymore, and that he places your son between the two of you after you've been with Ewan. It seems to me that he has gone from a willing and supportive participant to a begrudging and hurt bystander.

2. I don't think quitting "cold turkey" right this second is going to accomplish anything. I think you may need to face facts that this particular lover is NOT good for your relationship with Geoff (due to Ewan's disrespect for your Ewan, Ewan's jealousy/envy, and your own belief that you can't find that sort of sexual gratification anywhere else - because you can. Someone else like that is out there). Or you need to work with Geoff a lot to figure out what made him start to feel uncomfortable with the situation, if he feels prepared to deal with the consequences if you do break things off with Ewan, etc.

The love you have for Geoff really shines through in your posts, Aurelie.

I think the post that I have quoted is so sweet, and I hope you have told Geoff that you have never known another man who was able to shoot such a heavy load. The part where you say it can fly a good few feet made me laugh. I knew a guy like that once.

Ditto this... You really do seem to love Geoff so much, and it really surprises me that you are so eager to continue a relationship that is hurting him. Your relationship with Ewan seems purely sexual.. Am I wrong about that? Why not try to find a different sexual partner who is comparable in size, stamina, and interests (I'm thinking mostly of the BDSM side here) who is more respectful of your primary relationship? I could not and would not put up with a person who continually disrespected my partner. I don't think I would put a with a person who would disrespect someone as sweet as your bf in general, even if I weren't involved with him! I don't care how good the sex is, is it worth knowing that you're allowing that negativity about the man who is at home taking care of your child?

Do not give that ^^^^^^^^^ up unless you have to.

Also, remember this, if you do give it up, because it's hurting Geoff so much. It might well cause you to resent him, and where will that leave you? It may be that in the end you are left without Ewan, Geoff is without you, and your son is without his dad. You need to fight for that poly relationship, girl. In the long run, it will be best for everyone, including Geoff.

The only way that everyone can stay 100% happy is for you to convince and encourage Geoff to be happy to participate in a poly relationship. If he does not want to go with different girls, and you cant find him a regular girl that he really likes, then he can be mono in the relationship.

It's up to you, though. You have to make sure Geoff knows that he comes first, and that you and your son cannot, and will not do without him. Do you truly love Geoff more? It sounds like you do to me.

Make sure he knows it, that he is 110% certain of it. If he is, his insecurities will go, and then he will be more likely to want to participate in a poly relationship.

Ewan sounds incredible, and Geoff sounds so lovely, and the two combined add up to what sounds like, by your descriptions, a very very fulfilling sex life. If you add that to all the love, affection and kindness you and your son get from Geoff, it sounds perfect. If you can keep both, that will make you a very lucky girl.

I agree with most of this. The only thing Ewan sounds incredible at is sex, but I wouldn't enjoy him as a lover for a variety of reasons. I do think you can't just give Ewan up to make Geoff happy-- you have to want to give Ewan up to make Geoff happy, or you will be risking serious resentment. (You may want to add this to the list of things to talk to Geoff about). You have gotten so used to having them both that I can totally understand why the thought of losing one aspect of your life would seem devastating.

I still believe, though, that you could easily replace Ewan. Well, maybe not easily. It may take time and effort to find another man as endowed and with stamina, but it can be done.

I don't believe it's that they are incapable, merely that they either do not have the desire to learn, or they don't realise that it is a learnable skill, or they are too caught up in their social programming to know any better.

Remember, it is still within the last 50 or so years that female orgasm has even been accepted as anything more than a myth. Despite the increased liberalism, we're still very much influenced by puritanical beliefs (hence why a lot of people think you're cheating even if everyone agrees to polyamory). Note, that's as a society, not as individuals - there are a lot of people who have broken free of that influence, but an even larger number who haven't.

Being a good lover is a skill, but it's not innate. Pretty much every guy was shit his first time and didn't have a clue what was going on! The way you get good was reading/watching lots of stuff, asking questions, judging reactions, and of course plenty of practise

The problem is, when you're with an incredible lover, you only see the RESULT of his skill development. As an example, I'm really into sexual hypnosis (orgasm on command, that sort of stuff). When I share that with a partner, at first they don't believe it's possible, then afterwards they can't believe I did it. They think I'm some sort of miracle worker. What they didn't see was the hours of study that I did, not just about sexual hypnosis, but hypnosis in general and hypnotherapy as well as orgasm control and conditioning, as well as all the times I've practised it, nor the discussions I've had with people about it.

I mean, obviously there's more to being a great lover than learning a few cheap tricks, but understanding the female body is a good first step, yet so few guys understand even that. There's so much out there on the internet about the female body, but there has to be that desire to actually go and find it and put it into practise.

That's why so many guys end up completely different lovers - it's not a natural-born thing, but a product of either learning or experience, or both, combined with an actual desire to give someone else pleasure.

You can teach him to be good, but unless he wants to learn, he will never improve that much.

The best lover I've ever had is my husband, and I know that it's because we learned how to be awesome together. After just over 7 years, our fervent desire to please each other, our willingness to explore pretty much anything, and a whole lot of talking/instructions/reviews... It's amazing. I really think, like Zylya, that anyone can learn to be a great lover if they find a person that they want to please enough to put in the effort.

 

[IndieSolo]

I don't think you're cuckolding Geoff. Ewan may sometimes boast about being able to "have you" or steal you from Geoff, and so he might think Geoff is a cuckold, but I don't think that is why you are involved with Ewan. You were with Ewan first, and Geoff knew and accepted it, was also seeing others, so he wasn't just putting up with it and being humiliated. His feelings seem to have deepened toward you, and he's changed his mind about being with other women, but I don't really think you are cuckolding him.

Now, cuckolding can be done on purpose as a fetish, if a guy wants to be cuckolded, but I doubt that that's what Geoff wants. Do you think he might want that and not realize it? It's always possible that a part of him, as a kink or fetish, gets turned on by the idea of being humiliated -- and maybe that's why he keeps asking you about Ewan's dick. He might not even know that he could be turned on by this. I don't understand humiliation, as I always want to feel empowered during sex, but I know some guys really get off thinking about their women being serviced by "bulls" - guys with big dicks - but especially guys with bigger dicks than theirs. Does he get really lusty after he asks you these questions? Maybe you could say, "I won't answer you until you fuck me" and see if it revs his engines during sex to hear about your lover's big cock. But if it just seems like he's insecure and upset about you and Ewan, then I doubt it's humiliation and cuckolding he wants.

Really, though, before all that, I do think you and Geoff just need to have a heart-to-heart discussion about any discomfort he has surrounding your continuing to see Ewan, and I also think limiting it to once a week might be helpful if Geoff is feeling neglected.

 

[dingedheart]

Yes, Ewan is definitely playing that game. And when you said you got turned on by the attitude or arrogance, I was thinking that might fuel such comments. So in effect you may have some involvement. You know the type of conversations you have with Ewan surrounding your satisfaction.

What type of safe sex practices are employed? Does he time things so you go home with evidence of the encounter on you or in you, as a reminder or calling card? All subtle ways of playing that game for his own thrill. Is there any passing contact between them, pick ups or drop offs, subtle eye contact or smiles? You'd have to review this in total to see if it has merit.

As for your BF, the why?

My thought is, from the point of a 28-29 yr old male, first off, it is a huge deal he's watching your kid. I wouldn't have gone on a third date if I knew you had a kid.I wouldn't have wanted the extra trouble, the responsibility. I was barely responsible for myself, let alone someone else's kid. The whole thing would have been terrifying. Also I would have wanted all those firsts. That's just me, but I think it's a huge deal.

I think this is like dating people who at some point want to become exclusive.

If I was thinking this was moving into a long-term relationship, why would I want to know this stuff? Well, so I could base my decision on not being the sensitive nice guy, supportive, babysitter, cuckold. At this early stage of your relationship, with energy running high, you'd want to be at the top, because it's really a matter of things going downhill. And if you are really sub par, then what is there to look forward to? 4-5 yrs, another kid, complacency? Then what?

What's your motivation not to tell him the truth? Because you don't want hurt his feelings? Or you really want keep the father figure to your son and the sweet loving supportive nice guy?

Are you really poly, or are you just trying to keep what you've got, the best of both worlds, no hard choices? You said you wouldn't be able to handle Geoff having a similar relationship, or deeper. He may actually like and love a new partner... Then what? So if you met a young single guy with a big dick and incredible staying power, would you feel the need to have multiple relationships?

Let's say lover boy Ewan moved away, or had an early heart attack and is on the bench. You need to figure this out, as well. You don't want to push for something, create all this pain and torment, to find out you really aren't into sharing.

 

[Anneintherain]

1) Do you think that Ewan and I make a cuckold of Geoff, and if so, do you think that what I'm doing is really terrible? Because sometimes I think it is.

2) If you think we are cuckolding Geoff, do you think I should stop now, and just be with Geoff? You can be honest...

1. I don't think you have been purposefully cuckolding Geoff, but I do feel like Ewan is considering it that way, or at the very least acting as if he is the alpha/primary and Geoff is beta/secondary. (I added in the A/B since Ewan seems to be a Dom to you in a lot of ways. That gets into mindsets I don't have experience with.) I do think them meeting might/should help, but a few things you've said about Ewan makes me unsure, since he might be a dick to Geoff, or he might not. Only you know him well enough to judge that. Nevertheless, if they were willing, even if not eager to meet, I'd certainly encourage it. Putting a face to somebody can really help a person go from a 2D idea to a 3D human.

I wondered if you were enjoying that aspect because of a couple reasons. More than once, Ewan has tried to one-up Geoff. You might tell him to shut up, but you allowed him to continue to disrespect him, though you later clarified that he doesn't anymore. Honestly, I wasn't really sure you were being honest about that. And because of the paragraph where you said "Also, he will say that if he wanted to, he could take me from my boyfriend at anytime. Like I said, he's arrogant. It turns me on in a way." To me, that tied into you supporting his belief he trumps your boyfriend, and that you were turned on by his "alpha" attitude.

2. I think if Ewan continues to disrespect Geoff, you should stop now. That could mean ending things with Geoff, or Ewan, depending on what you really want. If Geoff is not okay with the attitude Ewan has, I do think he deserves to know if you allow that attitude in a partner, and to let him make his choice on if he will accept that or not.

Again, if anybody spoke like that about my husband, even if it was a D/s or M/s relationship, once would be the limit. I really don't know what a person who is enjoying being cuckolded feels, or if Geoff likes it and doesn't know, figuring out if he gets something out of that could be tricky. You have talked about how he seems unhappy, though. I'd imagine he wouldn't be so agitated if it were benefiting him. Probably posting to a cuckold forum on fetlife.com could get more useful advice on if cuckolds can feel agitated but happy at the same time. NYCndie has more useful advice on that, too.

Some questions to ask:

Do you feel unhappy at Geoff 's unhappiness, or are you indifferent to it, and just want it to stop so it doesn't interfere with the relationship with Ewan?
Are you actively bothered when Ewan gets arrogant, or are you flattered, instead of actively standing up for your relationship Geoff?

I just think it's smart for you to know what is important to you, so when you are talking with Geoff, you aren't hedging or lying or trying to spare feelings, instead of being truthful with where things stand.

Maybe you also want to ask Ewan about his wife's other partners. That could help you learn a lot about how he thinks in general, or whether it's just Geoff, and possibly future partners, that he feels he can insult.

Hopefully, by now, you've cleared up boundaries around what you will and won't tell Geoff about your intimate life with your lover, which was the original reason for this post, more or less.

 

[redpepper]

I think that once the sex dies down, since even good sex gets kinda mundane and routine with time, you will find that Ewan's arrogance and attitude don't make for a long-term thing. I think you will find that Geoff is a keeper, and his attitude and patience will shine through as a better long-term choice.

Based on what you have said here, that is what would happen, for me.

Bottom line is that just good sex doesn't make for a positive sustainable relationship. I would be taking it for what it is and chucking his ass when I got bored. I would also let him know that I am using him for the sex, and that he can stay if he wants, but I would make no bones about why I wouldn't want him around after the sex buzz wears off. Ewan is not a man I would chose to begin with, though. Dis my partners, you're out. Yeah, it can be hot to have a man that thinks he will win me over others, but if it isn't kept general and he uses names? I'm done. I have far too much respect and admiration for my partners to allow that for one second.

 

[Aurelie26]

The love you have for Geoff really shines through in your posts, Aurelie.

I think the post that I have quoted is so sweet, and I hope you have told Geoff that you have never known another man who was able to shoot such a heavy load. The part where you say it can fly a good few feet made me laugh. I knew a guy like that once.

Yes, Brid. I always tell him how amazing it is, and he is suitable proud of himself.

 

[Aurelie26]

It's only terrible if Geoff isn't a willing participant. I would be very concerned about the fact that he doesn't wait up for you anymore and that he places your son between the two of you after you've been with Ewan. It seems to me that he has gone from a willing and supportive participant to a begrudging and hurt bystander.

Yes, this does really bother me. I have asked him why he does. I've told him that I miss him waiting up for me. He tells me that I'm being stupid. He says that he cant wait up for me because I come in too late and he has to be up early. He also says that Max has got used to sleeping with him when I'm not there, and that Max likes it. I don't believe him. I know he pretends to be asleep when he is not, sometimes.

Tomorrow I'm going to tell him how much this upsets me, and ask him if he will wait up if I promise to come in earlier.

Also, if he is a begrudging and hurt bystander, I want him to tell me. At the moment he just sulks, and says the odd thing like, "Does he have a big dick?"

 

[Aurelie26]

You really do seem to love Geoff so much, and it really surprises me that you are so eager to continue a relationship that is hurting him. Your relationship with Ewan seems purely sexual.. Am I wrong about that? Why not try to find a different sexual partner who is comparable in size, stamina, and interests? I'm thinking mostly of the BDSM side here.

So if you met a young single guy with a big dick and incredible staying power, would you feel the need to have multiple relationships?

I would be taking it for what it is, and chucking his ass when I get bored. I would also let him know that I am using him for the sex and that he can stay if he wants, but I would make no bones about why I wouldn't want him around after the sex buzz wears off.

The problem with this is that I actually love Ewan. As I said in my first post, I love both men. Yes, I would be the first person to admit that he can be an asshole. Well, I'd be the first person after his wife. He is not the most likeable person. But he is, basically, when it comes down to it, a good man.

Ewan and I started this relationship two and a half years ago, and although our relationship depends heavily on the sexual aspect, there is more to it than just that, for both of us.

Dingedheart, any guy with a big dick and staying power is not enough for me. I have no interest in casual sex with a person I don't love.

No, I don't love Ewan in the same way I love Geoff. I do love Geoff more. I care about him. As well as being my lover, he is my best friend, and is also now the father to my child. We have a lot of things in common; we have fun together; we have the same temperament. When I think of him I smile.

 

[dingedheart]

The reason he doesn't wait up for you is the cuckold thing. The pain and or humiliation is rubbed into his face. His denial tactic is going to sleep and wake up to a new day.

The point of my comment was instead of cobbling two relationships together, if the right person came along that could fulfill a high percentage from both, would you need a poly life?

 

[Aurelie26]

I don't think you're cuckolding Geoff. Ewan may sometimes boast about being able to "have you," or steal you from Geoff, and so he might think Geoff is a cuckold, but I don't think that is why you are involved with Ewan.

Ewan is definitely playing that game. And when you said you got turned on by the attitude or arrogance, I was thinking that might fuel such comments. So, in effect you may have some involvement. You know the type of conversations you have with Ewan surrounding your satisfaction. What type of safe sex practices are employed? Does he time things so you go home with evidence of the encounter on you or in you as a reminder or calling card? All subtle ways of playing that game for his own thrill. Is there any passing contact between them? Pick ups or drop offs? Subtle eye contact or smiles? You'd have to review this in total to see if it has merit.

I don't think you have been purposely cuckolding Geoff, but I do feel like Ewan is considering it that way, or at the very least acting as if he is the alpha/primary and Geoff is beta/secondary. I added in the A/B since he seems to be a Dom to you in a lot of ways. That gets into mindsets I don't have experience with. I do think them meeting might/should help, but a few things you've said about Ewan make me unsure, since he might be a dick to Geoff. He might not. Only you know him well enough to judge that. Nevertheless, if they were willing, even if not eager to meet, I'd certainly encourage it. Putting a face to somebody can really help a person go from a 2D idea to a 3D human.

I wondered if you were enjoying that aspect because of a couple reasons. More than once, Ewan has tried to one-up Geoff, and you might tell him to shut up, but you allowed him to continue to disrespect him. Though you later clarified that he doesn't anymore, honestly I wasn't really sure you were being honest about that. You said "He will say that if he wanted to, he could take me from Geoff at anytime. Like I said, he's arrogant. It turns me on in a way." To me, that tied into you supporting his belief he trumps Geoff, and that you were turned on by his "Alpha" attitude.

I'm not sure that Ewan thinks of Geoff as a cuckold. He has never used that word, but he has said things about him, mostly in sex talk. I have never talked about what Geoff is like in bed to Ewan, never once. He has never asked. But he is arrogant, as I said. He will just assume that he can satisfy me sexually in a way that Geoff cannot. He will think he is an alpha male. He knows he has a big dick. He knows how good in bed he is, and that he makes me cum over and over. He does not say this stuff anymore. However, I have no doubt that he thinks it, and that it turns him on. And this is what upsets me.

Ewan really does think that I'm with Geoff only because I cannot be with him. I have told him how wrong he is. But again, he is arrogant. I like his confidence and arrogance. He is my Dom. Sexually, I do what he says. It is something that has always turned me on about him. It does not turn me on when it is directed towards my beautiful boyfriend though.

I am not turned on by the thought of Geoff being a cuckold. Geoff is my primary, and other than my son, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. In no way does the thought of him being humiliated turn me on.

If the three of us can get through this, I would like them to meet. If Ewan were to meet Geoff, I know he would really like him, I know because everyone likes him. Ewan would be able to see why I love Geoff so much. I think that would help him to see him in a positive way. If they were to meet, I don't think that Ewan would act like a dick.

When I met his wife, I could see why he loved her. It did not take long for me to see how connected they were. We aren't friends, but we do meet from time to time, and gossip about Ewan. I like her. She has never been anything but nice to me.

I have never thought that Ewan cumming inside me was his way of him leaving a "calling card." I doubt that is true. However, Geoff used to like to give me a bath when I came home from my dates, and maybe his motivation behind that was this. I'd never considered it before. I don't know.

Geoff and Ewan have never met, nor set eyes on each other.

 

[Aurelie26]

The reason he doesn't wait up for you is the cuckold thing. The pain and or humiliation is rubbed into his face. His denial tactic is going to sleep and wake up to a new day.

The point of my comment was instead of cobbling two relationships together, if the right person came along that could fulfill a high percentage from both, would you need a poly life?

No, I would never willingly give Geoff up, ever! Ewan will be long gone before I allow that to happen.

Also, I want a poly relationship. I want the two men that I love in my life, but only if everyone is willing.