...where does the relief feeling come from? Is it normal to feel more comfortable with a meta who isn't a terminus of the polycule?
It's normal to feel whatever. Feelings come and go.
I don't know what action behavior or thinking behavior you were doing that led to the more ugh feelings.... but sounds like you stopped doing it so you can feel new feelings of relief.
Maybe you were worried about him trying to rope her off into monogamy with him. Maybe you think Ms Fisher now has to do the work of sharing Pete's time with her own meta so she gets to see what that's like. Maybe it's something else.
Whatever it is? Maybe it's ok to just feel ok feeling better without delving into the whys of it?
The language used when discussing romance doesn't help, either. MY girlfriend. I BELONG to you. You BELONG to me. You are the ONE for me. My heart is YOURS. It's all ownership based!
That took me aback. I was thinking "Who talks like that?" But on reflection I guess some people do. The only one I use is "My husband" like if I'm introducing people. "Hi so and so, this is DH, my husband." I've never really used those other phrases.
So when I think about the fact that Ms. Fisher is Pete's girlfriend, my brain says "but she's MY girlfriend!" It's true, but the connotation of exclusivity is implied by the language, and that makes it harder to change my perspective.
You don't think "Pete is my meta?" Like if things are relational to you... wouldn't that be the thing to say/think?
Or are things for you relational to whatever Ms Fisher is doing?
Then there's the fact that not everyone is privy to our arrangement, so I feel like I have to pretend like I still see us a each other's owners in some situations, and that's training my brain in the wrong direction.
What behavior do you do to "pretend" rather than just being yourself and not pretending anything?
Why do you think you have to pretend anything? For whose benefit? Who are you putting on the show for?
I mean, you don't have to be "out" as poly if you don't want to be.
But neither are you obligated to sit around in the restaurant gushing at Ms Fisher -- "You belong to me! My heart is yours" and stuff right?
I'm glad you are in a better head space. It's fine to enjoy more time with Ms. Fisher.
Galagirl