rpcrazy
New member
There hasn't been a person I had feelings for (not "loved" necessarily) that I didn't want to share physical intimacy with, since I was 8, when I sloppily made out with and groped a girl in my backyard. I'm sexually over-active, in my opinion, but in a sharp contrast, it's ONLY restricted to people I have legitimate feelings for, as I've had advances more than several times and have been completely uninterested, even though the person advancing was attractive. At 23 I cheated for the first time, on my gf, for 2 years, with a girl I really liked. I was greedy enough to consider dating them both, but too cowardly and immature to be truthful about my desires to actually say anything to my gf. Afterward, I labeled myself poly, but realized I am too cowardly to be non-conforming.
1.5 years later, my girlfriend (W1) and I got into a foursome, from what was supposed to be a really fun "swingers" night in a jacuzzi with another couple. She knew I was poly, but we'd agreed previously to keep it monogamous, until this happened. My girlfriend initiated it, unknowingly to me, because she thought I was getting bored with her.
Months later, after a full relationship, I fell in love with the girl from the other couple (W2). The other partners noticed strong feelings, and emphasized rules of conduct in public and no sex. We felt restrained, and eventually started having a full-on sexual relationship without their knowledge. We figured, "If we're doing it in front of them, why does it matter?" However, that was just a cowardly logic.
Stress and drama ensued after we told our partners that we were in love with each other, and tension rose even more than it already had. I broke up with W1, and the other couple's relationship was strained even more because of it. A month later, still living with W1, I had a sexual episode with her. In a meeting with W2, I was about to tell her, but she said, "Look, no engagement ring. We got into a big argument." I froze, and lied to her. 5 days later she found out and was very hurt. The other male (M2) asked W2 to choose. W2 wouldn't choose. M2 left their relationship.
5 months later, I was living with W2. She was still getting over M2. And she was thinking I was fucking every girl I came in contact with.
I've learned so much from all this. Here are a few things.
Lying, omission, all of it, will never work out. Truth is a part of love. And if you're not being truthful with yourself, or the people you love, you are showing them that you don't love them, because having love isn't giving it. And it isn't erasable, you can't take the offense back. You can heal wounds, but there will always be scarring, whether big or small. I pledged myself to show the largest amount of love to my loved ones within my ability, and grow that capacity for love as I grow older.
The courage to be truthful about who you are and what you REALLY want, instead of what society, or whoever else, tells you, is equally related to how mature you are. I was a silly boy who was unable to control his urges for self-gratification. Now I am a stronger man who has grown in his resolve to fight for what he wants, be truthful about who he is, and also have the control to do what he want or needs to do, above what he "feels".
Cheating is about selfishness, complete and utter lack of care for anyone else who is or even would be affected by your actions in any kind of way. Some selfishness is fine, but cheating is one of the worst kind of offenses, worst sort of selfishness. Selfishness over your loved ones also shows them that you don't love them. Being an only child who grew up lying to his parents about his grades, i've pledged myself to change. To train my behavior to automatically think about how people I love will be affected by my actions.
I didn't write this for any type of absolution, pity, reprieve or lament. I'm writing this for those of you poly newbies who are young, confused, and most likely don't know yourselves yet; for all the people who are thinking those same selfish thoughts I had mid last year; and for those of you who try and infuse the same concepts I talk about at the end of this post. See my story as an example for what not to do and what can happen when dishonesty and deceit are backings of your relationships.
As of now, I'm in an 'open' relationship with my W2. She still doesn't trust me, and we're open so she doesn't have to care when I'm cheating on her, which is what she thinks. I'm not. I've completely given myself to her and am completely devoted to her. People say we won't last long. Personally, I say give it time. In either case, if it falls apart I won't regret the bad and good times we've had. Knowing what I know now though, I definitely would've done it differently.
May all of your lives and relationships be blessed with success. Thanks for reading. Namaste.
1.5 years later, my girlfriend (W1) and I got into a foursome, from what was supposed to be a really fun "swingers" night in a jacuzzi with another couple. She knew I was poly, but we'd agreed previously to keep it monogamous, until this happened. My girlfriend initiated it, unknowingly to me, because she thought I was getting bored with her.
Months later, after a full relationship, I fell in love with the girl from the other couple (W2). The other partners noticed strong feelings, and emphasized rules of conduct in public and no sex. We felt restrained, and eventually started having a full-on sexual relationship without their knowledge. We figured, "If we're doing it in front of them, why does it matter?" However, that was just a cowardly logic.
Stress and drama ensued after we told our partners that we were in love with each other, and tension rose even more than it already had. I broke up with W1, and the other couple's relationship was strained even more because of it. A month later, still living with W1, I had a sexual episode with her. In a meeting with W2, I was about to tell her, but she said, "Look, no engagement ring. We got into a big argument." I froze, and lied to her. 5 days later she found out and was very hurt. The other male (M2) asked W2 to choose. W2 wouldn't choose. M2 left their relationship.
5 months later, I was living with W2. She was still getting over M2. And she was thinking I was fucking every girl I came in contact with.
I've learned so much from all this. Here are a few things.
Lying, omission, all of it, will never work out. Truth is a part of love. And if you're not being truthful with yourself, or the people you love, you are showing them that you don't love them, because having love isn't giving it. And it isn't erasable, you can't take the offense back. You can heal wounds, but there will always be scarring, whether big or small. I pledged myself to show the largest amount of love to my loved ones within my ability, and grow that capacity for love as I grow older.
The courage to be truthful about who you are and what you REALLY want, instead of what society, or whoever else, tells you, is equally related to how mature you are. I was a silly boy who was unable to control his urges for self-gratification. Now I am a stronger man who has grown in his resolve to fight for what he wants, be truthful about who he is, and also have the control to do what he want or needs to do, above what he "feels".
Cheating is about selfishness, complete and utter lack of care for anyone else who is or even would be affected by your actions in any kind of way. Some selfishness is fine, but cheating is one of the worst kind of offenses, worst sort of selfishness. Selfishness over your loved ones also shows them that you don't love them. Being an only child who grew up lying to his parents about his grades, i've pledged myself to change. To train my behavior to automatically think about how people I love will be affected by my actions.
I didn't write this for any type of absolution, pity, reprieve or lament. I'm writing this for those of you poly newbies who are young, confused, and most likely don't know yourselves yet; for all the people who are thinking those same selfish thoughts I had mid last year; and for those of you who try and infuse the same concepts I talk about at the end of this post. See my story as an example for what not to do and what can happen when dishonesty and deceit are backings of your relationships.
As of now, I'm in an 'open' relationship with my W2. She still doesn't trust me, and we're open so she doesn't have to care when I'm cheating on her, which is what she thinks. I'm not. I've completely given myself to her and am completely devoted to her. People say we won't last long. Personally, I say give it time. In either case, if it falls apart I won't regret the bad and good times we've had. Knowing what I know now though, I definitely would've done it differently.
May all of your lives and relationships be blessed with success. Thanks for reading. Namaste.
