My wife wants me to sleep with other women

Hello, my wife and I have been together for over six years now and married for four years. We have two wonderful children together. Our love life is also wonderful despite our jobs meaning we work different hours. Recently my wife has spoke of wanting me to sleep with other women and come back home to tell her about it as she would be very turned on by this. She also wants me to sleep with a friend of ours whilst she is in the same room.

It began as a fantasy but she is really encouraging me to do this as she wants to "share my talents" with other females. I am starting to come round to the idea and wanted to see what peoples thoughts and opinions are on the matter. The thought of it turns me on but I am frightened that it may put what me and my wife have in jeopardy. I am still very much in love with my wife.

Perhaps i am just a little too old fashioned and it would add a new dimension to our relationship. I thought this would be the best place to come for advice!

Thank you in advance!
Multicolouredcake
 
Only do it if you really want to. Don't make any rash choices. Take as much time as you need to think about and make sure it's what you want and you're not just doing it to please her.... or you wont get anything out of the experience yourself.

In regards to her saying she want you to sleep with a specific person, do you actually want to sleep with her.... who would YOU like to sleep with?
 
Thank you for your reply PollyNyma!

In all honesty I am attracted to the person that she wants me to sleep with but other than instant gratification i'm not entirely sure that I will get a lot out of it myself. The good thing is she isn't forcing me to do it so I know If needs be I can back out.

I'm just a little split in two. One part of me thinks it will enrich our relationship the other part worries it will be somehow destroyed.

She has also asked me if there is anyone i would like to sleep with but i'm worried she may find this intimidating if i pick someone whom she perceives as more attractive than herself as I know she is jeleaous of certain friendships i have with female friends.
 
Well,

1) this person she wants you to sleep with, how will she feel about that? What will she want?

2) you and your wife need to talk through this jealousy stuff before doing anything.

3) your concerned she will be jealous of you pick someone she deems as more attractive than her. That 100% needs to be resolved before either of you do anything or it's going to be a shit storm later.

4) what about any jealousy you might have if she sleeps with someone?

5) is your wife talking about a triad or a v situation and have you guys talked about that or know what that is?
 
To answer your questions

1) I really don't know how she would feel although both of us believe she is very attracted to myself and has displayed jelaousy towards my wife when describing our love life to her.

2/3) We have talked through it and she says she would be happy for me to sleep with other women if they are less attractive than her. This is all about opinion though and of course looks aren't everything.

4) In all honesty i would struggle with her sleeping with someone else although she claims she doesn't want that and is happy for me to just have meetings with other women, I would be stupid though if i didn't think she could change her mind.

5) She is talking about a V situation rather than a triad.
 
1) you won't know until you ask her, which you shouldn't until you have tesolved 2/3) which sounds really problematic, - veto power for a partner based in an abstract concept which you can't judge is AWFUL and in regards to you not being comfortable with her sleeping with other people, well, you are not poly then, it works both ways, if it's ok for you it should be ok for you. I'm thinking you two need to work a lot of stuff out and then revisit this idea in the future when you both have a clear idea of where you both stand in this stuff and also relationships need to be really strong for this stuff to work out.
 
I hope I've helped. There's always a lot of talking.
 
Also, you have to be upfront with anyone you are sleeping with that they're essentially porn for you and your wife: that you'll be telling her about it and using it in your bedroom fantasies, and that the primary reason you're doing it is to fulfill those fantasies. I'd argue that this kind of scenario if far more like swinging than poly (not saying that's bad, it's just important to be upfront--most swingers would be totally fine with it, but most poly women would have real issues with this kind of set up).
 
I think you are right to give it pause for thought. Think it through and do not rush anything.

The thought of it turns me on but I am frightened that it may put what me and my wife have in jeopardy. I am still very much in love with my wife.

If you don't really want to? Don't. Not even to please your wife. Your body belongs to you. Who you choose to share it with? That's YOUR decision. Not anyone else's.

If you do want to go there? I think you could go slow. Consider making up a sex encounter and fantasize together with your wife as a first baby step. Then maybe just go out with someone for coffee. Go home and fantasize if it had gone further than that. Not begin with sleeping with her friend. YKWIM? Slow it down.

Galagirl
 
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I think you are right to give it pause for thought. Think it through and do not rush anything.



If you don't really want to? Don't. Not even to please your wife. Your body belongs to you. Who you choose to share it with? That's YOUR decision. Not anyone else's.

If you do want to go there? I think you could go slow. Consider making up a sex encounter and fantasize together with your wife as a first baby step. Then maybe just go out with someone for coffee. Go home and fantasize if it had gone further than that. Not begin with sleeping with her friend. YKWIM? Slow it down.

Galagirl


Yeah i get what you mean thats really helpful actually. This is just the kind of affirmation i need really as it would be a big step for us both.

Thank you!
 
I would say this isn't polyamory at all. Polysexuality? Maybe. Voyeurism? Definitely.

In MF couples there is this fetish called cuckolding, where the wife (hotwife) goes and has sex with virile studly men, and the husband is turned on to see, or hear about, her fucking men with bigger cocks, more stamina, etc., than he has. The cuck gets off on the humiliation involved in knowing the bull pleases his wife more than he can.

In your case, it's not quite a "cuckquean" situation since your wife wants you to fuck women she finds LESS attractive than she is.

I feel bad for any random woman you meet and try to arrange a liaison with. First of all, will she be informed she is being chose by your wife, as a LESS attractive person than your wife feels she herself is? And what if this woman starts to have feelings for you? I imagine this is a no-no.

I think the safest route, to protect your wife's ego and prevent loving emotions from cropping up, is to go to sex clubs/swinger clubs, where your wife can choose a woman for you to do things with while she watches. And since it's all just sex, and most swingers go there to "spice up their marriage" by getting turned on during the orgy scene, it's all acceptable and not seen as a private encounter that one of the participants wouldn't want shared verbally in sexual fantasy later, when people go home.

Of course, you might find a sex partner your wife thinks is less attractive, and you think is equally or more attractive. You'd have to hide this.
 
Hi Multicolouredcake,

I have two main reservations; one is that whomever you have sex with, you must tell them that you'll be sharing details with your wife. This is fine as long as the other person doesn't mind. Secondly, I worry about this, they have to be less pretty than me, rule. That's fine on paper but what if you think someone is less pretty but your wife thinks she is more pretty? That could go bad places. "More attractive" is a highly subjective concept. The only way around it is for your wife to be the one who selects all the women you'll have sex with.

I'm not saying don't do it, but I do suggest you go really really slow at first. Your wife may react very differently when the rubber meets the road. She may not realize how much certain things would bother her. So take it very, very slow. Don't have sex with anyone at first, just go out on a date with them and see how your wife feels about that. Be cautious.

Keep us posted if you're willing, it will help us to offer further advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I'm guessing you'll have a hard time finding women willing to do this. I, for one, would have no desire to sleep with a man solely to stroke the ego of his wife who wants to "share" his talents with the world. Most mature, self-actualized women are not interested in being anyone's marital aid or sex toy.

I guess you might have luck at a swinger's club if you're attractive, and if the woman's husband is on board with just watching.

Does the person your wife wants you to sleep with actually want to sleep with you too with your wife watching? I'm guessing not.
 
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