LibertyBelle
New member
Hello out there! 
This is super long as I am very wordy but bear with me.
I'll start by saying I would be new to poly but consider myself pretty openminded. Ultimately this may not be a good fit for me but I am all about exploring right now and seeing what is a good fit.
A little background: always crushed on guys growing up and definitely physically attracted to them but never dated much. Casually dated a few guys in college but even less dating after I graduated (eons ago, mind you). Never thought about dating women until I realized I had a crush on the captain of my hockey team (I was in my late 20s). I was open to dating women - love is love to me, regardless of gender - and I was physically attracted to some though I don't know if I was sexually attracted to them, in hindsight.
Dated numerous women over the years - couple months here, a year there, etc. I don't think bisexual was on my radar then though I wish it had been. I never stopped being attracted to men. I just found myself on a path that I blindly followed for a while. I loved the women I was with but there was very little in the way of a sex life. Looking back now I wonder if I didn't feel like women were a "safer" option for me than having to navigate things with men.
Almost all of the women I dated were masculine, or butch as it is sometimes referred to in the gay community. I like masculine energy in women and would not even be attracted to a man that exhibited feminine energy (preferences are ok I hope??). Anyways, some of my partners even started transitioning to male, one now lives completely as a (transgendered) male.
Fast forward to present time. I had been living with my female partner for 10 years and we were going to get married in October. In the last year I have really done a lot of soul searching about relationships, sexuality, gender, etc. My now ex-fiance and I even saw a sex therapist a few times to try and rekindle things but eventually faced the fact that there was nothing there to build on. We are great friends and companions but for us, that was not enough reason to get married.
For me, the closer it got to the wedding, the more anxious I became that I was not sexually satisfied and could I live the rest of my life without passion or desire, something I feel has been lacking in all of my relationships. It was hard to walk away from something that was financially and emotionally stable but I feel I must explore what is out there. I don't believe in soul mates or that we are meant to have only 1 true partner in our lifetime. I understand that some people feel this way but I feel for me, that would be a disservice to the partners that I have had, all of whom I loved in some fashion that was meaningful to us.
Now I am trying to navigate dating men (at 45!) and feeling woefully inadequate. I have been approached by numerous married men thru dating sites and I am open to that only if they are in an open relationship and their spouse knows. Most have not been and some weren't honest about that either. I get that after 20+ years things become stagnant in a relationship, sex drives vary greatly, etc. and they are looking for some satisfaction. But respect me enough to give me the info up front so I can make an informed decision. I figure (hope?) the poly community would be better about that than your average citizen. And I am open to dating within the context of someone already being partnered with one or more people as long as everyone is on board.
For some reason I am most curious about MMF relationships, possibly because I have dated women and I am not looking to do that again, or at least, not right now. In my mind (with no practical experience, I realize), an ideal situation would have me in a relationship with 2 bisexual men, as I would want all 3 of us to have relationships with each other. That appeals to me more than a V because ultimately, I think I would want us all to live under the same roof. I know that is way down the line and I don't truly know why I am fantasizing about this in my head. Believe it or not, in my mind, it has less to do with sex and more to do with compatibility, varied interests, etc.
This is super long as I am very wordy but bear with me. I'll start by saying I would be new to poly but consider myself pretty openminded. Ultimately this may not be a good fit for me but I am all about exploring right now and seeing what is a good fit.
A little background: always crushed on guys growing up and definitely physically attracted to them but never dated much. Casually dated a few guys in college but even less dating after I graduated (eons ago, mind you
). Never thought about dating women until I realized I had a crush on the captain of my hockey team (I was in my late 20s). I was open to dating women - love is love to me, regardless of gender - and I was physically attracted to some though I don't know if I was sexually attracted to them, in hindsight.Dated numerous women over the years - couple months here, a year there, etc. I don't think bisexual was on my radar then though I wish it had been. I never stopped being attracted to men. I just found myself on a path that I blindly followed for a while. I loved the women I was with but there was very little in the way of a sex life. Looking back now I wonder if I didn't feel like women were a "safer" option for me than having to navigate things with men.
Almost all of the women I dated were masculine, or butch as it is sometimes referred to in the gay community. I like masculine energy in women and would not even be attracted to a man that exhibited feminine energy (preferences are ok I hope??). Anyways, some of my partners even started transitioning to male, one now lives completely as a (transgendered) male.
Fast forward to present time.
I had been living with my female partner for 10 years and we were going to get married in October. In the last year I have really done a lot of soul searching about relationships, sexuality, gender, etc. My now ex-fiance and I even saw a sex therapist a few times to try and rekindle things but eventually faced the fact that there was nothing there to build on. We are great friends and companions but for us, that was not enough reason to get married.For me, the closer it got to the wedding, the more anxious I became that I was not sexually satisfied and could I live the rest of my life without passion or desire, something I feel has been lacking in all of my relationships. It was hard to walk away from something that was financially and emotionally stable but I feel I must explore what is out there. I don't believe in soul mates or that we are meant to have only 1 true partner in our lifetime. I understand that some people feel this way but I feel for me, that would be a disservice to the partners that I have had, all of whom I loved in some fashion that was meaningful to us.
Now I am trying to navigate dating men (at 45!
) and feeling woefully inadequate. I have been approached by numerous married men thru dating sites and I am open to that only if they are in an open relationship and their spouse knows. Most have not been and some weren't honest about that either. I get that after 20+ years things become stagnant in a relationship, sex drives vary greatly, etc. and they are looking for some satisfaction. But respect me enough to give me the info up front so I can make an informed decision. I figure (hope?) the poly community would be better about that than your average citizen. And I am open to dating within the context of someone already being partnered with one or more people as long as everyone is on board.For some reason I am most curious about MMF relationships, possibly because I have dated women and I am not looking to do that again, or at least, not right now. In my mind (with no practical experience, I realize), an ideal situation would have me in a relationship with 2 bisexual men, as I would want all 3 of us to have relationships with each other. That appeals to me more than a V because ultimately, I think I would want us all to live under the same roof. I know that is way down the line and I don't truly know why I am fantasizing about this in my head. Believe it or not, in my mind, it has less to do with sex and more to do with compatibility, varied interests, etc.
