Need a little help contextualising my first experience, especially from an Indian POV

A

anion

New member
Hey everyone, I am Anion from India, M 26.

I got introduced to ENM very recently and in a very unexpected manner. I am not even sure that my experience was truly ENM.

I had gone to a resort with few of my friends. (3 couples. I was the only single in the group.) It was our last night at the resort. We had gone to the poolside restaurant section for dinner and drinks. And there my eyes caught a beautiful girl at a nearby table, checking me out. This happened a couple more times. I was a little tipsy and lonely, so I decided to make a move. I went over, introduced myself and started to have a nice small conversation. Then a guy came over to the table, bringing a couple of drinks. She introduced him to me as a friend of hers. The guy and I also introduced ourselves to each other. Ge offered I join them and that's what I wanted, a chance to spend more time with her.

In my desperation, I was thinking of him as a competitor for the girl's attention. So I started to woo her more and might have been a little domineering towards her friend, my competition, in my head. Our talks continued for a while, even after my friends left for their rooms.

The girl and I were vibing. We danced a little bit to the music and all seemed so good. Soon we were the only people in the restaurant, so the girl suggested, "Let's take the party to my cottage." By this point I was in my sweet spot of intoxication so I just went with the flow and went to their cottage.

The girl and I were having having a very lively banter over some random topic. The guy said he had to use the washroom and he left the room. We continued the banter and kept on getting closer and closer. Then we started making out. I don't even remember when the guy came back into the room. I was very much lost in her.

Then the guy also joined in. He also started kissing me and her. At this moment I was so intoxicated with my loneliness and alcohol I didn't even realise that he had joined in. Then he slowly started going down on me for a blowjob. He started the process and my attention got diverted towards him. For a sec I went completely blank. And then the entirety of the reality hit me like a wall in face.

I was so flabbergasted and came back to my senses at that moment. I have never had any experience with a guy before. I was asked out by a guy twice before, but I had declined and even he had taken it sportingly. I know for a fact that I am straight. I just pulled up my pants, took my things and left. I couldn't process the situation at all. It felt something very wrong in the moment.

I went to my room and I was literally shaking and sweating as if I'd had a stroke. After some time I just passed out. The next morning was our checkout. I was knocked out cold. Thankfully my friends eventually woke me up and rushed me to freshen up, as we had to leave. I just ran to the car and we bolted from the resort.

They still don't know what happened that night.

At the moment when it happened I was disgusted and my fundamentals were shaken. Any time I have thought about that night and that moment I can't accept it. Yet every time I think about it I am stimulated by the sheer thought.

The GUY & the GIRL-- if by any chance you guys are on this platform, I am very sorry for my behaviour, no matter what.

I would like to understand the situation from a couples' point of view, as well.

Right now I am at a weird place. I don't what's what. Please can anyone guide me through this? As of now, I am very much excited even by the thought of the possibility of having that experience again.
 
Welcome.

It's fine to be turned by the idea of group sex and sharing sex with guys. If that's a new idea to you, I can understand that being a mind-blowing idea. But CONSENT has to be there for all parties for it to be ethical and ok.

This whole setup sounds weird. It kinda sounds like they were looking for a threesome. She's out there at a table on her own, as bait, while he watches from the bar.

And there my eyes caught a beautiful girl at a nearby table, checking me out. This happened a couple more times. I was a little tipsy and lonely, so I decided to make a move. I went over, introduced myself and started to have a nice small conversation. Then a guy came over to the table, bringing a couple of drinks.
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Did you drink your OWN drink, or stuff the guy brought over? Could there have been a roofie or similar drug in the drink, if you drank one that he brought?

The guy said he had to use the washroom and he left the room. We continued the banter and kept on getting closer and closer. And we started making out. I don't even remember the when the guy back in the room. I was very much lost in her. Then the guy also joined in. He also started kissing me and her. At this moment I was so intoxicated with my loneliness and alcohol I didn't even realise that he had joined in. Then he slowly started going down on me for a blowjob. He started the process and my attention got diverted towards him. For a sec I went completely blank. And then the entity of the reality hit me like a wall in face.
Click to expand...

Explicit and joyful CONSENT seems missing, or really murky here. Even if this was some hot-wife kink or similar they wanted to do, all people explicitly and joyfully CONSENTING has to be there. You were drinking a lot. Drunk people cannot consent.

I just pulled up my pants, took my things and left. I couldn't process the situation at all. It felt something very wrong in the moment.

I went to my room and I was literally shaking and sweating as if I'd had a stroke. After some time I just passed out. The next morning was our checkout. I was knocked out cold.
Click to expand...

Were you in shock, and/or drugged? I'm concerned this was sexual assault. :( You might need medical attention.

Galagirl
 
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Greetings anion,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are having mixed feelings about what happened that night. You know you are straight, yet you are excited by the thought of what happened. There's really no right or wrong answer here, you just need to give it more thought, and figure out your feelings about it. Maybe you would like to spend some time with this couple on just a friendship basis? You still know where their cottage is, right?

There is a film you might want to watch, it is called Three. Part of the plot is that it explores one man's transition into a relationship with another man. The movie handles that theme with sensitivity and grace. I am reminded about your situation when I think of that film. It also explores a polyamorous situation in general. It's a really good film.

Maybe this experience just opens up a window for you, even if you don't want to be with this couple again. It may open a window into (ethical) nonmonogamy for you, perhaps with someone else and a more clear situation? Things sound kind of murky for you with this particular situation. Anyway give it some thought, and I hope Polyamory.com can be of some help for you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
GalaGirl said:
Welcome.

It's fine to be turned by the idea of group sex and sharing sex with guys. If that's a new idea to you, I can understand that being a mind-blowing idea. But CONSENT has to be there for all parties for it to be ethical and ok.

This whole setup sounds weird. It kinda sounds like they were looking for a threesome. She's out there at a table on her own, as bait, while he watches from the bar.



Did you drink your OWN drink, or stuff the guy brought over? Could there have been a roofie or similar drug in the drink, if you drank one that he brought?



Explicit and joyful CONSENT seems missing, or really murky here. Even if this was some hot-wife kink or similar they wanted to do, all people explicitly and joyfully CONSENTING has to be there. You were drinking a lot. Drunk people cannot consent.



Wrre you in shock, and/or drugged? I'm concerned this was sexual assault. :( You might need medical attention.

Galagirl
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Galagirl...

Really thank you for your reply.

I didn't think of it that way. But my intoxication was more because of my desperation than the alcohol. I was really desperately craving some sexual company.

And I ordered my drinks separately.

For me what shook my foundations was my own physical reaction which was sub conscious not conscious. And after the incident I was attracted to it. This dichotomy confuses me.
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings anion,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are having mixed feelings about what happened that night. You know you are straight, yet you are excited by the thought of what happened. There's really no right or wrong answer here, you just need to give it more thought, and figure out your feelings about it. Maybe you would like to spend some time with this couple on just a friendship basis? You still know where their cottage is, right?

There is a film you might want to watch, it is called Three. Part of the plot is that it explores one man's transition into a relationship with another man. The movie handles that theme with sensitivity and grace. I am reminded about your situation when I think of that film. It also explores a polyamorous situation in general. It's a really good film.

Maybe this experience just opens up a window for you, even if you don't want to be with this couple again. It may open a window into (ethical) nonmonogamy for you, perhaps with someone else and a more clear situation? Things sound kind of murky for you with this particular situation. Anyway give it some thought, and I hope Polyamory.com can be of some help for you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...
Hey Kevin,

Thank you for your response.

Yes I think you are right, that I should experience for such situations then only I may get some clarity.

Sadly, I don't think I know any couples with whom I can try being a little bit more the friends.

Another thing is that I am not at stimulated by only guys, but when I think about a couple I am not just ok but stimulated by him as well.

Let's see what happens... Hope I get a chance to re-experience something.

Thank you very much.
 
anion said:
For me what shook my foundations was my own physical reaction which was sub conscious not conscious. And after the incident I was attracted to it. This dichotomy confuses me.
Click to expand...
I wouldn’t find it unusual that when something happened which goes against everything you have been programmed to believe since childhood, isn’t a horrible experience (after the shock of it all wore off) is incredibly confusing to a mind that can no longer fit that experience into a neat box with a “No” label.

try to let it just be, and not let it mean anything more that what you actually felt. Might that be excitement, pleasure, confusion, excitement. Pleasure comes in many forms and It can come in very unexpected ways.
 
Bobbi said:
I wouldn’t find it unusual that when something happened which goes against everything you have been programmed to believe since childhood, isn’t a horrible experience (after the shock of it all wore off) is incredibly confusing to a mind that can no longer fit that experience into a neat box with a “No” label.

try to let it just be, and not let it mean anything more that what you actually felt. Might that be excitement, pleasure, confusion, excitement. Pleasure comes in many forms and It can come in very unexpected ways.
Click to expand...
Hey Bobbi,

Thank you for your response.

I think that's the only thing I can do is to experience more such situations and find out more about myself.
 
Thank you for more info. I'm glad it wasn't SA then. It sounds like it was more like you were brought up to think a certain way, and now you are processing a new experience that doesn't neatly "fit" into what you previously knew/were taught. Is that more like it?

Galagirl
 
GalaGirl said:
Thank you for more info. I'm glad it wasn't SA then. It sounds like it was more like you were brought up to think a certain way, and now you are processing a new experience that doesn't neatly "fit" into what you previously knew/were taught. Is that more like it?
Click to expand...
Ya, more or less, you could say that.

To be honest, I am not sure what exactly I feel about it all. I think the smart thing to do would be to have experiences and then see what happens.

Anyway, I really appreciate your concern for me and my safety. Thank you very much.
 
From my point of view
1) it’s kinda weird to be making out where he also stays without asking him first (her job)
2) it’s also weird for him to join without asking you
The couple might indeed have been looking for a threesome.
You could have been fine with it, but some explicit negotiation is certainly missing.

I also still didn’t quite understand - What was the most shocking aspect to you? Being attracted to a guy? Or was it considering meeting a guy sexually without being engaged or married desite cultural stigma?
What´s the most weird aspect of the situation from Indian culture’s POV?
 
Tinwen said:
From my point of view
1) it’s kinda weird to be making out where he also stays without asking him first (her job)
2) it’s also weird for him to join without asking you
The couple might indeed have been looking for a threesome.
You could have been fine with it, but some explicit negotiation is certainly missing.

I also still didn’t quite understand - What was the most shocking aspect to you? Being attracted to a guy? Or was it considering meeting a guy sexually without being engaged or married desite cultural stigma?
What´s the most weird aspect of the situation from Indian culture’s POV?
Click to expand...
Hi Tinwen,

Thanks for your response.

I am shocked majorly because of my instinctive reaction in the moment was opposite to what I felt when I revisited the moment.

And even to the feeling is same that I am excited by it.

Then why my gut reaction was opposite to it.
 
anion said:
Hi Tinwen,

Thanks for your response.

I am shocked majorly because of my instinctive reaction in the moment was opposite to what I felt when I revisited the moment.

And even to the feeling is same that I am excited by it.

Then why my gut reaction was opposite to it.
Click to expand...

Could it be that particular guy + the unexpectedness of the situation?

You didn't like him, you didn't make a connection with him, yet there he is wanting a blowjob from you.

Sounds very wrong. I may have hit him. You didn't consent.

You can be aroused by the general the idea of a threesome, but still deeply disgusted by how it came about.
 
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