Need advice how to not let it get to me

Cabinlife2020

New member
Wife2 and I share nights, well last night was wives night but that day she had a bad day and was pissed at the world needless to say didn't want anyone around during the day etc, hubs when going to bed said she sleeping good and like sprawled across the bed I hate to wake her, I told him no its her night just cuddle up you know she will wake up later and then you will be there to be with her, well he was I will check on her a little later, well that didn't happen, so now I feel bad she didn't get her night and so instead of my Friday night time she gets the Friday night time (which I had some new fun things to do tonight with hubs so a little bummed) and Saturday since Saturday was her day on the calendar (I am not upset with wife2) but trying not to let my hurt and anger blow out on hubs or ruin our weekend, I look forward to my either Fri or Sat night and to not have one hurts.
 

Evie

Well-known member
Wife2 and I share nights, well last night was wives night but that day she had a bad day and was pissed at the world needless to say didn't want anyone around during the day etc, hubs when going to bed said she sleeping good and like sprawled across the bed I hate to wake her, I told him no its her night just cuddle up you know she will wake up later and then you will be there to be with her, well he was I will check on her a little later, well that didn't happen, so now I feel bad she didn't get her night and so instead of my Friday night time she gets the Friday night time (which I had some new fun things to do tonight with hubs so a little bummed) and Saturday since Saturday was her day on the calendar (I am not upset with wife2) but trying not to let my hurt and anger blow out on hubs or ruin our weekend, I look forward to my either Fri or Sat night and to not have one hurts.
Stop martyring yourself to her moods. She has a bad day but it's still her night and if she falls asleep and he doesn't just go to their bed anyway, not your problem.

Make a schedule and stick to it unless everyone has negotiated a change.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I've taken the liberty of breaking the text up a bit so I can read it a bit better. Correct me if I did it wrong, ok?

Wife2 and I share nights. Well last night was wife2's night but that day she had a bad day and was pissed at the world. Needless to say she didn't want anyone around during the day etc.

Hubs when going to bed said "She's sleeping good and like sprawled across the bed. I hate to wake her."

I told him "No, it's her night. Just cuddle up. You know she will wake up later and then you will be there to be with her."

He said "I will check on her a little later."

Well that didn't happen. So now I feel bad she didn't get her night.

So instead of Friday night being my time she gets the Friday night time.

I am bummed because I had some new fun things to do tonight with hubs.

She also gets Saturday since Saturday was her day on the calendar.

I am not upset with wife2, but trying not to let my hurt and anger blow out on hubs or ruin our weekend.

I look forward to my either Fri or Sat night and to not have one hurts.

I don't know if it helps you any. But I think this...

1) Stop getting involved in their problems.

If Husband says "She's sleeping good and like sprawled across the bed. I hate to wake her."

You say "Ok." And let him deal with his choices. Stop "advising" him on his other relationship.

If she's had a bad day or whatever on her night? That's just life. It happens! It's still her night. Leave it to them to sort it out. Maybe he sleeps with her in her bed, sleeps on the couch, or asks to sleep with you in your bed.

This is why I also think you need "Husband's night" on the schedule. Not just "Wife 1 Night" and "Wife 2 Night." Because then if something goes wrong, he can give up one of HIS nights to "make to up to her" if he wants rather than go rest or do his hobbies. And not have his relationship problems from that side of the V leaking over on to your side.

2) Who decided to just change Friday night, which is your date night, to give to her to "make up" for the missing night?

If you offered this? Stop offering to give away the date nights you look forward to. Why ding your own self? Esp when you know she has another date night coming on Saturday. She can't hang on til then? Jeez.

If Wife2 asked if you were willing to trade, consider. If willing, trade. If not willing, don't trade.

If Husband asked if you were willing to trade? Consider. if willing, trade. If not willing, don't.

If either Husband or Wife2 just "announced" this without asking you? That's being fresh. One person doesn't get to make unilateral decisions for all the people in the V. And you can say you don't like being treated like that. Husband making a date night with you, and then standing you up for no good reason.

This was not an emergency trip to the ER. "Bad days" happen in life. So what?

I think it is ok for you to be mad about it.

If you gave it away? Feel mad at yourself for doing it. And decide you won't do THAT again because doing it feels sucky.

If either wife2 or Husband made a unilateral decision rather than actually asking? Feel mad about that. And decide to speak up and call them out on poor behavior rather than trying to "swallow it" to "keep the peace" or whatever.

Galagirl
 
Last edited:
Top