Need advice!

O

Oneoffour

New member
Short history: Joe and I have been married 4 years, Alli and Greg 3 yrs. We live in Florida, they live in Michigan. Each couple has had a few threesomes, but nothing else. We all met in Vegas, hit it off, ended up girl-on-girl first night, swapping second night.

We all kept in touch. Two months later, they came to visit us for 5 days. We swapped the whole time, with some girl-on-girl mixed in.

Joe, Alli and I are all in. We actually want this to be our future and dream of all living together and making it our lives.

Greg, however, has low self esteem. It's never been brought up, but we can all tell he's not on the same page. He has shown some jealousy, but nothing we didn't talk about and get over. My question is, should we give him time and see what happens, or bring it up next month when we go visit them? Not sure what to do. I don't want to bring it up and ruin what we already have, but then again, we all want to know how he feels. Oh, and he jokes a lot (part of the insecurities), so he's not the easiest person to approach with a serious conversation. Help!
 
If I've got the timeline correct, you spent 7 or so days together. Greg may be one of those people who takes a little longer to become emotionally intimate.

Why not enjoy the moment and keep the grand plans in the drawer for a few more days, 14 or 20, then pitch it?

What has Alli said to Greg about this topic? What has he told her in return? That could be a good indicator on how to proceed.
 
It's very early to want to move in after only knowing someone for a couple of months in a primarily sexual arrangement. Why rush it? You don't really know these people, much less if you are all are compatible for living together. Giving it time is a good idea.
 
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I would err on the side of talking about it. It's better to get problems out in the air rather than let them fester. If you're nervous about talking to Greg directly, maybe you could email Alli and ask if she has a better sense of how he's doing, and find out how much they've discussed things. You don't want to push. Maybe Greg does just need time. The other posters are right; this has been a very short affair, so far. In poly situations, the more talking, the better.
 
Huh, what happened in Vegas moved to Florida!

Take your time. It's way too soon to think about moving in together! Two or three dates does not a long-term relationship make.

Enjoy your NRE, but wait for the hormones to settle down a little. Greg is right to be cautious, imo.
 
Not much else to say here that others haven't. In my experience, these kind of arrangements are fun for a bit and then end. Taking it all seriously can lead to pain and heartache at this early stage.

I think it's too early to determine whether or not they are in this as a serious quad or not. I would give it at least 6 months before trusting any talk of making this a permanent thing. Personally, I wouldn't invest that much right now.

It doesn't sound like the odd man out is up for this kind of thing for the long haul. So just enjoy your time. I wouldn't bring it up yet. I think it would end the fun. If it becomes a show stopper that he is jealous, then maybe ask if there is something that he needs to talk about. But other than that, I suspect Greg and Alli are working on this in private.
 
Update

So I brought up the idea to Greg through text (this is how we primary communicate) and he kinda freaked out. I think the idea was hard for him to swallow. His reply was we can't just uproot our lives because we met awesome people. I know everybody said to wait to talk to him, but the conversation just flowed in that direction. So now it is out in the open, at least. Nothing's awkward. We all still talk as usual. We are still planning on going to visit them next month. Alli said Greg was a little anxious after mine and his conversation, but that he was okay, even talked about moving closer for "business" so people wouldn't think we were nuts. So that's a start! I think that is a big thing too-- he is worried what people will think.

So, now that it's out (and he probably thinks I'm a complete psycho), all it needs is time. We shall see, but for now, we're all just having fun! Thanks for all the replies. :)
 
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