Hey yall I need help me and my wife are fairly new to being out about being poly. Here recently I've expressed my feelings to her gf(my wife's bi) and was hoping that the feelings would've been reciprocated however that did not happen. Now I've spent the last few days being sad yet mad at myself for not being happy that I still have my wife. anybody else dealt with this before if so what's a good way that will help me stop feeling like this?
Need help
- Thread starter mr.jekyll
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Hello mr.jekyll,
Sorry you are going through this. It is not uncommon for someone to enter a poly situation expecting a triad, only to have it turn into a V. This is what has happened to you. I'm afraid I have no quick fixes for you, mostly you are just going to have to endure some pain until it starts fading. I don't know if it would help, but could you go out and look for a girlfriend of your own? Just a thought.
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
Sorry you are going through this. It is not uncommon for someone to enter a poly situation expecting a triad, only to have it turn into a V. This is what has happened to you. I'm afraid I have no quick fixes for you, mostly you are just going to have to endure some pain until it starts fading. I don't know if it would help, but could you go out and look for a girlfriend of your own? Just a thought.
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
I happen to be in a long term FF relationship. I can't tell you how many guys on dating sites/apps have asked me, even before meeting me, if they could also bang my gf. And then, when I've had actual bfs, several have gotten crushes on my gf.
It got so ridiculous that we stopped trying to even do kitchen table poly much with any guys I am dating. My gf tends to stay away when my current bf comes over. She has a bf of her own, so on weekends she goes to his place and my bf comes here.
We tried to do threeways with a couple of guys I was dating much earlier on in our relationship. It didn't work out well, to say the least. We have found it much easier, less complicated, to just avoid my gf interacting with my bfs much at all. In the 18 months I have been dating my current bf, my gf has only met him a handful of times.
Men are, by and large, extremely sexual, and it seems they just can't help themselves from fantasizing about that FMF threeway sex scene they've seen so often on Pornhub!
You can't help your feelings, but you can work on your behavior. Try to stop fantasizing overly much about your wife's gf and maybe get a gf of your own instead. Also, don't hang out with your metamour. Too much proximity will just increase your lust.
Sounds like you developed a crush on your wife's GF. Either from her being around and/or hearing about her from your wife.
You asked her out. Wife's GF is not interested in dating you at the same time as dating your wife. I think you might have to let more time pass so you can get over feeling disappointed that she gave it a pass. It sounds pretty recent.
But it's also kinda bullet dodged. Triads are among the hardest models to sustain. Esp. for newbies. Being jealous of your own wife because she's off on a date with the new person? Or vice versa? That's sometimes a recipe for weird.
After this experience? You might decide that anyone your wife is dating is "off limits." And even if you develop a crush on them? You decide NOT to act on it and NOT to say anything. Instead, date separate people.
You asked her out. Wife's GF is not interested in dating you at the same time as dating your wife. I think you might have to let more time pass so you can get over feeling disappointed that she gave it a pass. It sounds pretty recent.
But it's also kinda bullet dodged. Triads are among the hardest models to sustain. Esp. for newbies. Being jealous of your own wife because she's off on a date with the new person? Or vice versa? That's sometimes a recipe for weird.
After this experience? You might decide that anyone your wife is dating is "off limits." And even if you develop a crush on them? You decide NOT to act on it and NOT to say anything. Instead, date separate people.