NatureLover
New member
Hello, I am new to poly and very confused and not really sure to handle all the emotions and everything else. So a little background. I started dating this woman about 4 years ago. I fell in love with her the second I saw her, i know it sounds cliché but its true. I knew at that second I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. She had been dating this other man before me for a short while ( i was dating as well nothing serious). They had split up and but remained friends. When we started dating she had told me about him. Everything between us was amazing so I had no reason to think he was anything more than a friend. After we had been together and living together for a while I had noticed she was texting him a lot. I didnt think much of it until, i happened to glance over and saw what they had been saying. Missyou, we should get together. I started to feel a little strange about it. I had asked her what was going on. Then we had the first of many conversations about it. I was told he was a friend and they had a connection that she couldnt let go of. Well over time they text more and more, and eventually saw each other. We had another conversation about it, this was was very emotional. She had said how much she loved me and wanted to be with me about also to be able to see him and try to be in a poly relationship. I didnt take it well as in some previous relationships I had been cheated on. Eventually I said okay, I wasnt really okay with it but I love her so I agreed. Over the next few weeks she went out with him on days that we would normally do stuff. ( We work and there is children in the picture so time is limited.) I started to feel left out and lonely and felt like she wanted more time with him than me. We had another intense talk both emotional. She decided to stop seeing him. She was sad for a little while but things seemed to get better bettween us. After about a more she was back to texting and talking to him agian, this time secretly. This situtaion went one for a few years. During this time I felt insecure depressed anxiety ridden knowing she kept talking to him after she promised she wouldnt.
A few months ago I had found out that they had had sex. She felt guilty and told me and promised it wouldnt happen again. Well a few months later she is talking to him. We had a very intense emotional conversation. She told me she needed to think. In that time and actually for over a year I had been thinking He is never going away. I thought about leaving but I couldnt and cant because of how much I love her. I have never felt this way about anyone, I would do anything for her even yes take a bullet. She knows how much I love her and how much I want to be with her. So after some long Hard thinking I have come to the decision that if I want to be with her I have to except that he isnt going anywhere and if I want to be with her I have to be okay with it. She told me that if I want to I could find someone as well.
So here I am. I dont know how any of this works. I know it isn't easy for men to find someone in Poly. I do have a lot of questions and concerns. Many how to deal with jealously and feeling left out, guilt of being with someone other than her. Where to begin??
Please help
A few months ago I had found out that they had had sex. She felt guilty and told me and promised it wouldnt happen again. Well a few months later she is talking to him. We had a very intense emotional conversation. She told me she needed to think. In that time and actually for over a year I had been thinking He is never going away. I thought about leaving but I couldnt and cant because of how much I love her. I have never felt this way about anyone, I would do anything for her even yes take a bullet. She knows how much I love her and how much I want to be with her. So after some long Hard thinking I have come to the decision that if I want to be with her I have to except that he isnt going anywhere and if I want to be with her I have to be okay with it. She told me that if I want to I could find someone as well.
So here I am. I dont know how any of this works. I know it isn't easy for men to find someone in Poly. I do have a lot of questions and concerns. Many how to deal with jealously and feeling left out, guilt of being with someone other than her. Where to begin??
Please help