New and excited

[TCham]

Hi,

Last year I accidentally ended up in a poly v relationship. I was dating a girl for a few months when her ex that she had been with for years moved back and pursued her. She was honest to say she was tempted because they had been together a long time but she liked me. I suggested why doesn’t she date us both (I’ve always been turned on by this idea). Her ex wasn’t keen at first but we met for dinner as a three and agreed to try it and it was fantastic for 6 months. She would split time fairly equally between us, and me and him were both monogamous to her. We didn’t interact as a three but I would speak to him when picking her up or dropping her off and we became quite friendly. Unfortunately I have had to relocate for work so that relationship has ended.

I have been seeking the same again and have been fortunate enough to meet a married couple who are seeking a boyfriend for the wife. It’s early days but they seem lovely and chilled. We have met as a three and I’ve taken her on a date separately. Nothing sexual yet but the husband’s preference is that this develops into me regularly staying over. He has a cuckold fetish so wants to just watch sexually and sleep on an airbed on the floor on nights I stay over (he has told me he has already purchased this!) The wife says she is supportive of this and fancies me so hopefully that is the direction we’re travelling. I wouldn’t class myself as a ‘bull’ (I’m learning terms here as still new to this world) but I am sexually confident and it would turn me on for the husband to watch so I have no issue with it.

So I am very keen to pursue this and I have said that I would be willing to be monogamous to the wife if we get to regularly dating and me staying over. This would be my preference as I would want to give her full attention as a girlfriend.

Just on here to read up and take advice really. I am conscious that this is something of a sacrifice to my own life. They have been together a long time and are married so I’m aware I will probably only ever be the secondary boyfriend. I would hope some deeper level connection would develop but I’m also conscious that this is mainly coming about from the sexual urge of the husband to watch his wife with another guy.

We are all in our 30’s and don’t have kids. I’m good looking (so I’m told) and a gym addict so in shape. I have a good professional job and a nice house. I don’t have a problem finding woman to date, but I guess for some reason I just have a preference to commit to a women that I can share with another man. I’m not bi and I’m not seeking MMF, my preference is exactly as per this arrangement, separate dates but the other guy watching anything sexual.

I’m sure there are acronyms to describe what I am but I’ve not learnt them yet! Any advice, words or warning etc very welcome.

Thank you for reading, didn’t mean this intro to turn into a novel!!

 

[Magdlyn]

As this is a board for polyamory (which means many loves), and not for the cuck fetish, I will base my advice on the love aspect.

It's possible to be polyamorous and also have kinks and fetishes. You can be into cuckoldry, impact play, swinging, busting balloons or whatever.

My caution is your thinking that this arrangement will be limited to sexy fun times and satisfying to everyone merely sexually. What happens if feelings do develop? It's perfectly natural for that to happen. Having sex with someone you like often leads to love. You err in thinking you may never be more than a secondary boyfriend, especially if you're going to be cuddling this lady all night, getting up in the morning, sharing breakfast, and maybe having one-on-one dates, or sitting around as three, having dinner, watching TV, chatting, etc.

I'd be worried the husband would freak out if this relationship went beyond his sexual kink into something more serious. They must be wanting to practice hierarchical poly, where the original couple is paramount. But the new relationship energy (NRE) factor has to be taken seriously. You and the lady might get big crushes on each other, think you're in love after a couple months. Then what? How solid is this couple? Have they done this cuck thing before? Have they prepared for the NRE?

You can go to Fetlife for more on the cuck aspect. Do a search for terms. There are thousands of people over there who practice this kink, or at least fantasize about it.

 

[TCham]

Hi Magdlyn,

Thank you for the reply and I agree there is lots to think about here.

From my side, I’m not in this for just a sexual cuck scenario. In my last relationship, I had feelings for the girl I was seeing and was gutted at first when her ex returned and she told me she was thinking of going back to him. But when she dated us both I ended up preferring it, hence why I’m seeking a similar relationship. I had my own time but also enjoyed spending time with her. I was monogamous to her and she was my girlfriend in every ordinary sense. She just had another boyfriend as well, which made certain things different, for example, her birthday party, both of us were there, but it was perfectly okay.

I know this new relationship is different because the woman is married. The husband was the one that initiated her having a boyfriend, as I say I suspect out of a sexual cuckold kink, but I’m not a ‘bull’ just looking to be a sexual toy for them. The wife has made clear if she is to do this she wants a boyfriend and everything that entails, not a fuck buddy. The husband so far has said he fully supports that.

I guess you’re right that I need to tread very carefully to not get hurt. If the wife and I develop feelings for each other, I don’t know if the husband will continue to be okay! The couple seems solid. They’ve been married 10 years and from my interactions with them, they seem very much in love.

Maybe I am overthinking, as it’s very early days. So I just need to go with the flow, I guess, but be careful not to catch feels too quick until it’s apparent how sustainable this is.

I appreciate the advice and I will also read up on cuck stuff and poly. As I say, I’m new to this. My last relationship just happened organically and introduced me to this world, so now that I’m seeking things with intention, I’m trying to educate myself!

Thanks again.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings TCham,

Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a really ideal situation. The husband has a cuck fantasy and you are there to fulfill it. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open, and that you express your needs and concerns as this relationship evolves. Poly involves a lot of communication, and you seem to be headed in the polyamorous direction. Good luck! Keep us posted and let us know of your questions as they arise.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi Magdlyn,

Thank you for the reply. I agree there is lots to think about here.

From my side, I’m not in this for just a sexual cuck scenario. In my last relationship, I had feelings for the girl I was seeing and was gutted at first when her ex returned and she told me she was thinking of going back to him. But when she dated us both I ended up preferring it, hence why I’m seeking a similar relationship. I had my own time but also enjoyed spending time with her. I was monogamous to her and she was my girlfriend in every ordinary sense. She just had another boyfriend as well, which made certain things different, for example, her birthday party, both of us were there, but it was perfectly okay.

Okay, you know what you want. A gf who also has another partner and therefore won't be as demanding of your time.

I know this new relationship is different because the woman is married. The husband was the one that initiated her having a boyfriend, as I say, I suspect out of a sexual cuckold kink. But I’m not a ‘bull’ just looking to be a sexual toy for them. The wife has made clear if she is to do this she wants a boyfriend and everything that entails, not a fuck buddy. The husband so far has said he fully supports that.

Okay... he sounds kinda lukewarm about her having an actual boyfriend. That's a red flag. He isn't giving a "joyful yes," which is required for successful polyamory. Because of our patriarchal society, men can get extremely jealous of other men fucking their wives, and becoming full-on lovers.

I guess you’re right that I need to tread very carefully to not get hurt. If the wife and I develop feelings for each other,I don’t know if the husband will continue to be okay!

Yeah.

The couple seems solid. They’ve been married 10 years and from my interactions with them they seem very much in love.

Opening a long-term relationship WILL shine a bright spotlight on any cracks there may be in the relationship dynamics. (I know. It happened to me. I thought we were solid too. Now we're divorced.)

Maybe I am overthinking, as it’s very early days. So just need to go with the flow, I guess, but be careful not to catch feels too quick until it’s apparent how sustainable this is.

Going with the flow is never a good idea. Being aware of all the pitfalls and facing conflicts head on is what you want to do. I don't know if one can control catching feels/falling in love, but you can keep your expectations low. However, be firm in what you will and will not accept. What if the h only wants her to have sex while he watches, and doesn't want you two to have one-on-one private sex, or indeed, dates outside the home? It seems the wife wants that, but she has to negotiate that.

Personally, at one point I stopped trying to date a member of a couple that was new to poly. I just got burnt too many times. But hey, someone has to be first, and if you're willing, go for it.

I appreciate the advice and I will also read up on cuck stuff and poly. As I say, I’m new to this. My last relationship just happened organically and introduced me to this world, so now that I’m seeking things with intention I’m trying trying to educate myself!

Thanks again.

You're welcome.

 

[TCham]

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I have met the wife for a second time yesterday evening. We got on really well and when I dropped her off we kissed. I am definitely having some feelings towards her and I’m not messaging any other girls. I told her this and reiterated that I hope things develop to us having a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and she said she would like that.

The husband rang me today and he is still comfortable with everything and confirmed that they both want to arrange another date.

So it’s going well so far and I am really excited as to where this might lead. But I’m keeping your advice and not getting carried away.

I sense that one or two more dates I might be invited back and I don’t know what to expect. I know the husband was adamant when we first spoke that he wanted to watch us. My only poly experience to date was everything seperate and I only really spoke to the other guy when I’d pick her up or drop off. So it’s going to be interesting if this is a sustainable relationship dynamic or if things change after they fulfill a sexual fantasy.

But thanks again for your insight from your experiences and I’ll try and check in as this will also be an interesting thing for me to read back on if things do progress!!

 

[kdt26417]

Sounds like things are going pretty well so far, that is good to hear.