mountaingirl
Active member
Hi all!
I posted on here awhile ago asking others what coming out is like, how to know when you're ready, and got a lot of really good resources. I'm in a stage where I feel both my relationships are on pretty equal footing (I've now been poly as long as I've been mono :0 ! ) and have been more vocal about having two partners... not so much by saying things like "I'm poly", but I'm no longer hiding my relationships in certain settings. Went to a holiday party last week (at a yoga studio I spend a lot of time at) with what many would consider my 'secondary' partner (we'll call him P). He doesn't feel like my secondary partner anymore, but I never really took him to events as my partner before now. Until recently, things just didn't feel stable enough to do so.
I guess the point of this post is that I feel intense anxiety when I come out and am clear about my relationship with P. We are very committed to each other, and have been together for almost two years; we've known each other for 4. We've talked about getting married, having kids, owning a home together someday, allathat. A little fuzzy on the logistics, but the intention is there. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this new relationship anxiety even after 2 years... I have known this person for so long, I do trust them, but I still get that same feeling I would get in mono relationships when I would have hard feels for someone and not be sure if they felt the same. I'm wondering if because I'm being more open about my relationship now, I'm experiencing a lot of the new relationship energy I didn't get to feel when we were deep in the closet? Like, I'm doing the part where you introduce your partner to your friends and really publicly commit to each other, and it feels awesome! but also scary.
I think part of my anxiety comes from interactions I've had with others outside of our relationship; I've had friends that have tried to make moves on P once they find out we're together, and don't understand our messy list and that I'm not trying to 'share' my partner with my friends; people who have discounted my love for my husband and P because I love both of them; friends who have told me I need to pick one of them, or that I'm being selfish.. etc. All of these situations hurt because most of these people were close friends of mine that I no longer talk to, and just learning to trust people again, now that I have let some of the judgmental humans exit my life, is something I'm still working on.
But I also think part of this anxiety is just the usual "omg I love this person so much, I wonder if they love me back" feelings. Which is dumb because he literally tells me all the time how much he loves me? we live together? he moved across the country to be with me? and I'm wondering how I can still get these butterfly feelings 2 years later. I am trying to work them out on my own, but I know he notices how insecure I can feel. I know everyone moves at a different pace in relationships, but I want so badly to just be comfy and bask in the awesomeness of being together like P can. My brain just holds me back sometimes.
Figured I'd leave this here; if anyone can relate I would love to hear your thoughts
I posted on here awhile ago asking others what coming out is like, how to know when you're ready, and got a lot of really good resources. I'm in a stage where I feel both my relationships are on pretty equal footing (I've now been poly as long as I've been mono :0 ! ) and have been more vocal about having two partners... not so much by saying things like "I'm poly", but I'm no longer hiding my relationships in certain settings. Went to a holiday party last week (at a yoga studio I spend a lot of time at) with what many would consider my 'secondary' partner (we'll call him P). He doesn't feel like my secondary partner anymore, but I never really took him to events as my partner before now. Until recently, things just didn't feel stable enough to do so.
I guess the point of this post is that I feel intense anxiety when I come out and am clear about my relationship with P. We are very committed to each other, and have been together for almost two years; we've known each other for 4. We've talked about getting married, having kids, owning a home together someday, allathat. A little fuzzy on the logistics, but the intention is there. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this new relationship anxiety even after 2 years... I have known this person for so long, I do trust them, but I still get that same feeling I would get in mono relationships when I would have hard feels for someone and not be sure if they felt the same. I'm wondering if because I'm being more open about my relationship now, I'm experiencing a lot of the new relationship energy I didn't get to feel when we were deep in the closet? Like, I'm doing the part where you introduce your partner to your friends and really publicly commit to each other, and it feels awesome! but also scary.
I think part of my anxiety comes from interactions I've had with others outside of our relationship; I've had friends that have tried to make moves on P once they find out we're together, and don't understand our messy list and that I'm not trying to 'share' my partner with my friends; people who have discounted my love for my husband and P because I love both of them; friends who have told me I need to pick one of them, or that I'm being selfish.. etc. All of these situations hurt because most of these people were close friends of mine that I no longer talk to, and just learning to trust people again, now that I have let some of the judgmental humans exit my life, is something I'm still working on.
But I also think part of this anxiety is just the usual "omg I love this person so much, I wonder if they love me back" feelings. Which is dumb because he literally tells me all the time how much he loves me? we live together? he moved across the country to be with me? and I'm wondering how I can still get these butterfly feelings 2 years later. I am trying to work them out on my own, but I know he notices how insecure I can feel. I know everyone moves at a different pace in relationships, but I want so badly to just be comfy and bask in the awesomeness of being together like P can. My brain just holds me back sometimes.
Figured I'd leave this here; if anyone can relate I would love to hear your thoughts