QueenLotusDawn
New member
How shall I begin? My partner and I discussed us both wanting to explore dating another woman. We'd both tried this in our last serious relationships, only for it to not work out. We were intrigued by the fact that we were on the same page. We discussed this for months and then we decided to open ourselves and our relationship up. For the sake of privacy, let’s call my partner Sally, and the woman we met Dolly.
Dolly approached Sally at an event and Sally told her that she was in a relationship, but that we were friendly. Dolly and I spoke, exchanged numbers, and she eventually reached out a few days later. Sally and I discussed meeting Dolly. She told me she got friendship energy from her, and perhaps she and I could be friends. When Dolly called me, we discussed that and she was on board.
For a month we were friends. We went out as a group one time and she admitted to being attracted to both of us. We hung out on NYE and things got a little frisky between Dolly and me. Sally wasn’t quite ready. However, Sally was intrigued and wanted to explore it more. I was excited!!
The three of us communicated a lot. Dolly had experience in poly relationships, so she opened our eyes to consider different aspects of poly and what that would mean for our relationship. It was definitely a learning curve, more so for me than the two of them. Dolly was really patient, allowing both of us, mainly me, to slowly become more comfortable with solo dates and solo intimacy.
The intimacy between the three of us was amazing. Dolly and I being over-thinkers, we communicated very well, to make sure everyone was comfortable and flowing with ease when we were all intimate. And we were able to achieve that! It was absolutely amazing, wonderful!! Dolly was very attentive and affectionate with me and Sally. Sally took a little time to get comfortable with affection and PDAs, as she was worried she would offend me.
I encouraged her to be open. I was ready for them to go on a solo date so they could connect better. I wanted Sally to feel what I felt with Dolly. Later, Dolly and I went on a solo date. It was so beautiful! I would get overwhelmed with emotions and love and that would bring me to tears from the joy and love I felt from both of them.
Sally eventually opened up completely and she and Dolly fell hard. "I love you" was being said by all three of us, and we even had discussions about what life could be like in the future with the three of us together.
Dolly came upon some hardships in her personal life and of course we had nothing but compassion and empathy and open arms for her. It wasn’t until then that I noticed Sally and Dolly had a much stronger connection than Dolly and I did. Sally never made me feel anything less than before.
Selfishly on my part, I felt jealousy. This jealousy was because I wanted to feel that same connection I had with Dolly when I was feeling all of this overwhelming love. I also have generalized anxiety and anxious-attachment issues, so seeing Dolly's very intimate and non-sexual ways with Sally made me miss Dolly so much more. I am not the best at communicating my feelings, and I also tend to think that any negative feelings I have in a situation are not right. It wasn’t easy for my mind to compute when I was feeling jealousy, as it computed it as “not being enough."
So, I began therapy to help me through this. I was also working through some emotions between me and Sally, completely separate of Dolly. Therapy is working. I’m currently still in therapy.
I discussed where I was mentally and what I wanted from our triad relationship. What I was hoping for was some more patience, as I am growing and learning myself through this different relationship dynamic. I have monogamy pretty good, but polyamory is still very new to me. I am learning a lot about this relationship dynamic and about myself.
As I said before, Dolly is an overthinker, like me. There are times when she thinks that my behavior is due in part to her being with Sally. To be fair, sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is.
I was getting better at communicating. I was also getting better at self-soothing. In the end, she took some actions and read that as me being in my feelings about their deep, past-life connection, which wasn’t the case at all.
We were all in the bed together. I tend to overheat. I took matters into my own hands to cool my body temperature down by getting from under the comforter we were sharing and lying on top of it with a lighter blanket. Not feeling any jealousy however, my anxious mind was telling me that something was wrong with me, asking: why is my body so hot? Why am I not able to cuddle? I communicated that I wished I could cuddle with them, but I just couldn’t.
Dolly was able to read energy. However, I believe it was misinterpreted, as she was overthinking herself. She took this as me lying because I said I was OK, but I was not, according to her perception. This made her feel like she needed to run away. She packed her bags early that morning and kissed us both goodbye. It wasn’t until later on that day that I knew how she felt.
I spoke with Sally about how I was feeling, as far as my connection with Dolly. In a private conversation with Sally, in order to describe how I was feeling, I stated it felt like friends with benefits. Unfortunately, in a private conversation, where Dolly was expressing to Sally about how she was feeling about me, how she felt I'd betrayed her trust, that I was a liar, and that I was not ready for polyamory, Sally told her what I said, which was more or less the nail in the coffin.
I hurt Dolly. It was never my intention. I was also told I was being selfish for even wanting to build or get back to our deeper connection because during these tough times she only wanted Sally, for the most part.
I was working on how I felt, right, wrong, or indifferent. I didn’t want to share what I said with Sally. I wanted to have a conversation with Dolly, but I wanted to talk to Sally first, just to see and get another perspective. I realize how wrong that was, in itself.
But here we are five days later, and my connection with Dolly is irreparable. I triggered her and she triggered me. She is a very angry person and likes to yell and talk over me, and that is a boundary.
I was able to see how I hurt her. Despite my intentions, I understand that no matter what, I hurt her, and I should make it right. I have expressed my sincerest apologies. We had a discussion that was a lot calmer. Unfortunately, she has a misconception about me, that this whole time, I have been calculating and doing things intentionally to make her feel bad and to garner more attention from Sally. She also feels that I am jealous and I want Sally to myself, when I have expressed numerous times it’s not the case. I wanted more of Dolly, what we had, and I thought expressing that, even with everything that she had going on, there could possibly be a discussion. But she already has certain ideas and a certain perception of me that was clouded.
Sally and I have had many of discussions, both heated and not heated, about how to move forward, as she is in love with Dolly. It is very hard accepting that.
However, I am learning. I am listening to podcasts, reading articles, reading books, watching YouTube and different videos to grasp a better understanding of how the dynamics of polyamory are. As I write this today, I feel a bit more at ease because I have more information and because I have had more assurance from Sally.
Right now, I do not want to open myself up to dating another person, as I am still healing from the deterioration of my connection with Dolly. However, I do look forward to the time when I feel I’m ready to open myself up to make new connections. So from now, and until then, when that time comes and the universe aligns for me to meet that special woman, I will continue to learn all I can and continue with therapy.
I really needed to get all of that off my chest. I am not able to talk to friends about this because they may not quite understand. I am excited to be able to find this community with a forum, and I would love feedback.
Peace and blessings.
Dolly approached Sally at an event and Sally told her that she was in a relationship, but that we were friendly. Dolly and I spoke, exchanged numbers, and she eventually reached out a few days later. Sally and I discussed meeting Dolly. She told me she got friendship energy from her, and perhaps she and I could be friends. When Dolly called me, we discussed that and she was on board.
For a month we were friends. We went out as a group one time and she admitted to being attracted to both of us. We hung out on NYE and things got a little frisky between Dolly and me. Sally wasn’t quite ready. However, Sally was intrigued and wanted to explore it more. I was excited!!
The three of us communicated a lot. Dolly had experience in poly relationships, so she opened our eyes to consider different aspects of poly and what that would mean for our relationship. It was definitely a learning curve, more so for me than the two of them. Dolly was really patient, allowing both of us, mainly me, to slowly become more comfortable with solo dates and solo intimacy.
The intimacy between the three of us was amazing. Dolly and I being over-thinkers, we communicated very well, to make sure everyone was comfortable and flowing with ease when we were all intimate. And we were able to achieve that! It was absolutely amazing, wonderful!! Dolly was very attentive and affectionate with me and Sally. Sally took a little time to get comfortable with affection and PDAs, as she was worried she would offend me.
I encouraged her to be open. I was ready for them to go on a solo date so they could connect better. I wanted Sally to feel what I felt with Dolly. Later, Dolly and I went on a solo date. It was so beautiful! I would get overwhelmed with emotions and love and that would bring me to tears from the joy and love I felt from both of them.
Sally eventually opened up completely and she and Dolly fell hard. "I love you" was being said by all three of us, and we even had discussions about what life could be like in the future with the three of us together.
Dolly came upon some hardships in her personal life and of course we had nothing but compassion and empathy and open arms for her. It wasn’t until then that I noticed Sally and Dolly had a much stronger connection than Dolly and I did. Sally never made me feel anything less than before.
Selfishly on my part, I felt jealousy. This jealousy was because I wanted to feel that same connection I had with Dolly when I was feeling all of this overwhelming love. I also have generalized anxiety and anxious-attachment issues, so seeing Dolly's very intimate and non-sexual ways with Sally made me miss Dolly so much more. I am not the best at communicating my feelings, and I also tend to think that any negative feelings I have in a situation are not right. It wasn’t easy for my mind to compute when I was feeling jealousy, as it computed it as “not being enough."
So, I began therapy to help me through this. I was also working through some emotions between me and Sally, completely separate of Dolly. Therapy is working. I’m currently still in therapy.
I discussed where I was mentally and what I wanted from our triad relationship. What I was hoping for was some more patience, as I am growing and learning myself through this different relationship dynamic. I have monogamy pretty good, but polyamory is still very new to me. I am learning a lot about this relationship dynamic and about myself.
As I said before, Dolly is an overthinker, like me. There are times when she thinks that my behavior is due in part to her being with Sally. To be fair, sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is.
I was getting better at communicating. I was also getting better at self-soothing. In the end, she took some actions and read that as me being in my feelings about their deep, past-life connection, which wasn’t the case at all.
We were all in the bed together. I tend to overheat. I took matters into my own hands to cool my body temperature down by getting from under the comforter we were sharing and lying on top of it with a lighter blanket. Not feeling any jealousy however, my anxious mind was telling me that something was wrong with me, asking: why is my body so hot? Why am I not able to cuddle? I communicated that I wished I could cuddle with them, but I just couldn’t.
Dolly was able to read energy. However, I believe it was misinterpreted, as she was overthinking herself. She took this as me lying because I said I was OK, but I was not, according to her perception. This made her feel like she needed to run away. She packed her bags early that morning and kissed us both goodbye. It wasn’t until later on that day that I knew how she felt.
I spoke with Sally about how I was feeling, as far as my connection with Dolly. In a private conversation with Sally, in order to describe how I was feeling, I stated it felt like friends with benefits. Unfortunately, in a private conversation, where Dolly was expressing to Sally about how she was feeling about me, how she felt I'd betrayed her trust, that I was a liar, and that I was not ready for polyamory, Sally told her what I said, which was more or less the nail in the coffin.
I hurt Dolly. It was never my intention. I was also told I was being selfish for even wanting to build or get back to our deeper connection because during these tough times she only wanted Sally, for the most part.
I was working on how I felt, right, wrong, or indifferent. I didn’t want to share what I said with Sally. I wanted to have a conversation with Dolly, but I wanted to talk to Sally first, just to see and get another perspective. I realize how wrong that was, in itself.
But here we are five days later, and my connection with Dolly is irreparable. I triggered her and she triggered me. She is a very angry person and likes to yell and talk over me, and that is a boundary.
I was able to see how I hurt her. Despite my intentions, I understand that no matter what, I hurt her, and I should make it right. I have expressed my sincerest apologies. We had a discussion that was a lot calmer. Unfortunately, she has a misconception about me, that this whole time, I have been calculating and doing things intentionally to make her feel bad and to garner more attention from Sally. She also feels that I am jealous and I want Sally to myself, when I have expressed numerous times it’s not the case. I wanted more of Dolly, what we had, and I thought expressing that, even with everything that she had going on, there could possibly be a discussion. But she already has certain ideas and a certain perception of me that was clouded.
Sally and I have had many of discussions, both heated and not heated, about how to move forward, as she is in love with Dolly. It is very hard accepting that.
However, I am learning. I am listening to podcasts, reading articles, reading books, watching YouTube and different videos to grasp a better understanding of how the dynamics of polyamory are. As I write this today, I feel a bit more at ease because I have more information and because I have had more assurance from Sally.
Right now, I do not want to open myself up to dating another person, as I am still healing from the deterioration of my connection with Dolly. However, I do look forward to the time when I feel I’m ready to open myself up to make new connections. So from now, and until then, when that time comes and the universe aligns for me to meet that special woman, I will continue to learn all I can and continue with therapy.
I really needed to get all of that off my chest. I am not able to talk to friends about this because they may not quite understand. I am excited to be able to find this community with a forum, and I would love feedback.
Peace and blessings.
