New to poly would love some advice

P

Pickleandpatch

New member
Hi there

I am a woman in a committed loving relationship with a man. We dont live together and have no plans to do so for years due to work/family committments

We have explored with swinging and have an on going relationship with another couple as FWB. We have always agreed that non mono is a way we want to live but now are thinking of having partners that are not just sexual

My partner has feeling for someone at work. They are junior to them and will be leaving to work abroad next year. She is a lovely person and the thought of him having a loving relationship with her...if that is what she wants is something I am encouraging

He knows she likes him. He really likes her. But how do you approach the poly subject with someone you dont know will find that acceptable?

Personally there is no one I want to have a relationship with. There may be one day but I am in no rush to do so. I will take my time and feel no need to do so if they do enter a relationship

Hope you can help x
 
I asked a mod to move your post to our Relationships section, where you will get more looks and feedback!
 
Greetings Pickleandpatch,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I suppose the first thing for your partner to do would be to confirm that this coworker does indeed have feelings for him. Something like, "I wanted to tell you, that I'm attracted to you. I was wondering, do you feel the same for me?" Then if she says, "Yes," he could say, "Maybe we could go out sometime, I would like that. I should let you know, though, that I am nonmonogamous. Would that be a problem do you think?" It's really up to her whether she is okay with nonmonogamy, and hence, there is no way to ask her about it that would guarantee that she would be accepting of it. You just have to ask, and let the chips fall where they may. If she says, "Yes, that would be a problem," he should just say, "Well, that is understandable. Hopefully we can still be friends."

I hope that helps; let us know if you have any further questions.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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Welcome aboard!
 
Am I the only one who is feeling ways about your partner hitting on someone who is his junior at work? That sounds like all kinds of potential problems to me.
 
I was thinking the same thing. Dating a coworker could get messy. He could at least pause to assess his risks.

  • Does the work place have rules about workers dating each other he would be violating?
  • What does "junior" mean? He's been at the company longer than her so he has seniority although they work on the same "level" or pay grade? Or junior like he is her boss? Does either of that set up a weird dynamic between them if they were to date or break work rules?
  • If it goes sour, would dating her open him to a work sexual harassment lawsuit if she twists things around? Could he lose his job? Have a hard time getting a new one?
  • What is the plan when she leaves? This is a short run relationship like a summer romance and it simply ends? Or are they going to try to do LDR?

In the end? I think how he approaches her and how she responds or reacts to him asking her out is not your job or area of concern. He's the one wanting to date her. Her answer is her answer.

So I think it is on him/them to figure all that out without your assistance. You don't have to "coach" him along or help him with his other relationships.

Galagirl
 
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Hi thank you for your replies

There are no rules re relationships in the workplace (we are UK based) but there could be repercussions. That is a good point and one I know he has concerns about especially as their fields are global but high specialist

She is junior in terms of hierarchy but does not report in any way to him or work with him ( different fields)

I understand and totally appreciate your concerns re coaching. I agree however he is highly introverted so I guess I was just reaching out for him. Something I'm guilty of doing and should stop
 
Hmm I read the OP as saying that the co-worker is leaving to work somewhere else next year
 
Hi Pickleandpatch,

I think you are doing fine, you should give him advice if he asks for it, he is just wondering what to tell her. It sounds like she's going to be leaving next year. Will he have an LDR with her?

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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