New to poly

Capsgirl84

New member
Hello and greetings everyone. I'm very new to the poly world and I'm currently somewhat in a relationship with a man who is poly but married to someone that is not. It's a long story that I can get into later. I have a very good friend who is poly and I've been talking to her about my situation but I also wanted to explore other people new or experienced in this that maybe able to give advise or anything that can help us.
 
Greetings Capsgirl84,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It is possible for there to be a mono/poly relationship, where one partner is monogamous, but they allow the other partner to practice polyamory. I don't know if this is the case with the married man you are somewhat in a relationship with. Or if his spouse does not approve of his relationship with you, or if his spouse doesn't know of his relationship with you, or if they do know, but only consent to it if it is a somewhat-relationship. As we get more information about your situation, we can hopefully help. You may want to start a new thread in Poly Relationships Corner, where more people will read of your situation and respond. You'll get pretty good responses here in intros too though, probably.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hello and welcome!

Mono-poly relationships are a thing - it is not unreasonable, BUT I would want to be super-clear about any agreements that the poly partner has made with their mono spouse. If mono-spouse is unaware of the poly relationships then that is plain old cheating - which is not only unethical but could turn ugly and dangerous. Even DADT ("Don't Ask Don't Tell") agreements can implode spectacularly - particularly if mono-partner believes that the agreement is "just sex" (more "open") and then feelings/etc. are involved (more "poly").

It is good that you are seeking outside information - from your poly friend and this forum. A lot of people in your position (new to poly, in relationship with poly person) end up getting all of their info from their partner - which is problematic when presented as "this is THE WAY poly works" - there is no "THE WAY" - there are things that hardly ever work, things that work for some people some of the time, and good practices that may help things work but are no guarantee of success.

I hope you find these forums informative - ask questions, make observations, and enjoy!

JaneQ
 
Hello and greetings everyone. I'm very new to the poly world and I'm currently somewhat in a relationship with a man who is poly but married to someone that is not. It's a long story that I can get into later. I have a very good friend who is poly and I've been talking to her about my situation but I also wanted to explore other people new or experienced in this that maybe able to give advise or anything that can help us.
I'm also new to this forum, but have been in a poly relationship for several years. My perspective is different from yours, in that I'm the mono spouse, my wife...the hinge...is poly, as is her unmarried partner. We've been in this relationship seven years, and it's worked for us. We're all straight-hetero. Like yours, how we got here is a story in itself, but I'd be glad to answer any questions you might have about it.
 
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