New to the life


New member
Hello everyone, I’m a few months in to having a hierarchical poly relationship.

My partner and i were dating for a good year as monogamous and decided to change our dynamic.

It’s been very great to say the least and rewarding to be able to communicate to someone and being vulnerable in a way I’ve never gotten to experience in prior monogamous relationships. And then of course there the other days where communication just feels so impossible. I know that i try to talk myself and to my partner that whenever a struggle comes our way,. We are tackling it as a couple and not alone.

I’m very curious how other couples “power through” those moments of turmoil.


I go by Dee
34 female, with a female partner.
Currently in South Carolina.
Work in Public Service.
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Staff member
As I'm sure you know, open and honest communication is key to a healthy poly dynamic. It might help if you were more specific about the exact places you struggle.

In general, many of us find the practice of Non-Violent Communication to be most helpful. Many of its precepts are outlined in a good book about open relationships (which has tons of great info about poly), called Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino. (Note, this book is not just for couples, but for anyone interested in ethical non-monogamy of any kind.)


Well-known member
And then of course there the other days where communication just feels so impossible.

Most of us learn pretty shitty habits with regard to how to treat other adults, and it doesn't have anything to do with polyamory. The reason it seems like open and honest communication is key to a healthy poly dynamic is because our poor relationship skills get magnified when more people get into the mix.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), the skills in having a healthy and respectful adult relationship with one person are the same skills for multiple people. So, addressing how to behave like an adult and treat other people like adults will translate into your relationships, regardless of how many of them you have going at the same time.

There are logistical issues that poly can cause, of course, but those challenges can be handled gracefully when everyone involved understands how to be a part of a healthy association.

Like Mag said, I hope you are able to give more info if you are looking for conversation about a specific issue.


Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings Dee,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Polyamory is full of ups and downs, some days it's just a lot of work, other days it is soooo worth it. Really, you power through the difficult moments the same way as you would in a monogamous relationship. With extra emphasis on communication, honesty, transparency, and kindness. It takes a lot of commitment to go poly. You're showing that commitment right now. You are a committed polyamorist. Kudos, and welcome!

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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